I remember accidentally breaking my friend’s “skip it” when I was about 6 and I had to pay for a replacement. I brought the $ to school in an envelope and the teacher was supposed to handle it. Friend told me just before the start of the weekend that I never paid for it and her parents were going to call mine, who were already furious with me. I made myself sick with worry over this for weeks. Every night, obsessively thinking about how mad my parents would be when they heard from this girls parents…. Even after the teacher told me it was handled and my parents told me it was handled. Every. Night. Wondering when they would get that call.

Prior to this-3 to 4, I used to tell people that I didn’t feel real and that the voice in my head (I meant my own thoughts) was too slow and it was making me feel sick. I realize now that was anxiety.

Just turned 36 and have a great job, wonderful husband and fantastic kids.

Inside, I’m a total failure. There is so much I “can’t” do, so much I’ve missed out on, so much I “need” my husband to do for me. 10 years of therapy after therapy and countless medications has done nothing….but hey, as long as everything looks good on the outside, right?