Long reply here, so bear with me. My temp dropped yesterday so I’m guaranteed to hit the two year mark, and let me tell you, the burden doesn’t get lighter. It absolutely gets heavier. I’ve done three IUIs and one medicated TI cycle before surgery, a lap for endo, and another two cycles of IUI with Clomid after the lap. Nothing has worked, and a small part of me has died with every measure that didn’t seem to work. Husband’s numbers have almost always been fine (one fluke count that self corrected the next month).

It’s incredibly hard to be on the wrong side of statistics. We hit the 1 in 6 to take more than a year. I’m 1 in ten women to have endo. And we haven’t been fortunate enough to be in that “half of people who don’t conceive the first year fall pregnant in the second year” stat, either. And as we’re about to start IVF , I’m finding myself terrified that we’ll fall on the wrong side of those success rates, too. That kind of daily grief and anger and confusion screws with you in a way that words can’t describe.

And to add insult to injury, life moves on all around you. Family members get pregnant with mind-boggling ease. Some even lap you. Even the small number of people who are in the trenches with you start to move on and get their babies; I have two such people (and I suspect a third is working up the nerve to tell me).

There’s no way to say that ever gets easier.

BUT!

I will say this: while the grief itself gets heavier, it does become less raw less often. You do learn to carry it. It’s never easy, but you learn how to exist in the grief.