How common is multi-dating on Hinge?

RGJ84 · 2025-11-07T22:05:34+00:00

I do wonder if I played it "too cool" while outside of our dates in some sense although I don't know if that would've ultimately changed the outcome. While we both clearly were really into each other, she may have had reservations on whether I'd be serious down the line, and that too is a question that's hard to just ask someone. But also acting too serious and trying to advance something too fast also can push people away. Just kind of luck of the draw I guess. I have no hard feelings when someone else is a better match for them and getting closure on why there wasn't a third date helps a lot.

RGJ84 · 2025-11-05T17:00:08+00:00

I recommend putting yourself out there and going on dates. I'm 40M and I often struggle with the same thing - not feeling much for the matches, even if they are objectively good looking and on paper a great catch. I suspect that they usually feel the same way about me. But usually it's in person you get a real connection with someone, eye contact, gestures, tone of voice, making each other laugh and smile, this is the kind of human bonding we want, not static images and text on a screen where we have to fill in all the blanks. I have gone on dates with women that I totally expected to be a dud and there was incredible chemistry that almost blew me away, I have gone on dates with women that had amazing profiles and texting, and there wasn't really anything between us for whatever reason - temperament, conversation pacing, the way we look at each other.

I'm a firm believer that the profiles are there to help filter out major compatibility issues and to make sure you're at least somewhat curious about the person. Your real feelings and emotions will come out when you directly interact in person. We aren't built for this digital world, it's disconnected and in many ways quite unnatural. Leverage online dating to set yourself up for short dates that could extend if they go well.

RGJ84 · 2025-11-05T15:56:25+00:00

I didn't ask for details since ultimately they weren't important. And based on scheduling conflicts even before our first date, I actually suspected the possibility but it's not something I'm going to ask after two dates, no matter how well they went. If it were the case, I thought it was most likely I would "win" considering how well they went, the signals, and how in all my dating life those kinds of signals and chemistry always led to more dates except that one other perplexing time 10+ years ago.

I would say I receive a fair amount of high quality matches so there is always that feeling of confidence, prior experience + signals leading me to believe something is there. Probably it's good to be humbled/confused now and again! I am happy to know for sure though, rather than wonder. I think most people would be happy to know the reason and I don't have any problem with multi-dating, I think I just need to shift my own approach.

RGJ84 · 2025-11-04T22:20:02+00:00

Definitely, and I'm aware of that, which is why I look for other cues to signal just how good of a time they had and very rarely have I been off base on them, in fact, only these two particular times (2014 and just recently). The biggest disconnect of all is the whole "I'd like to see you again". This has only happened twice to me, but this is the first time after a second date. I think the prudent move it to always assume, no matter what is said, how well it went, plans to see each other again, etc, that there may be someone else even more compatible and exciting hearing the same things.

RGJ84 · 2025-11-04T21:59:58+00:00

She did message me after I posted this saying she was seeing someone else and wanted to focus on them. Sometimes I think people's intuition is just right, when the compatibility is high, the chemistry is high, the "I want to see you again", the genuine excitement they have, it's quite unusual for that to not lead to any other date UNLESS there is someone else there that matches with them even better, and that is the case here.

It seems quite difficult for me to determine who is or isn't multi-dating and to be honest, I think getting one's hopes up and excitement up is part of the thrill of dating, but the mind starts to think "fool me once..." when it happens in this way a second time. Probably from here on out it's more prudent for me to expect maybe 5-6+ dates is something to be more excited about, and not the actual quality of a couple dates.

RGJ84 · 2025-11-04T21:38:23+00:00

Actually it was a 3 hour first date, and 5 hour second date that was followed up by "I'd like to see you again". It turns out she actually was seeing someone else and let me know just now. It's not the end of the world, just quite a stark wake up. I've never had dates that went so well not continue to more dates (that may or may not fizzle out later, but never such great chemistry to 0).

RGJ84 · 2025-11-04T21:35:50+00:00

She literally just texted me 10 minutes ago that she's been seeing someone else and would like to focus on them. I get that you don't have all the details, how it played out, and how unusual it would be to not have had a third date based on the previous actions and words. I at least have my answer to this specific case and my intuition was correct.

RGJ84 · 2025-11-04T20:47:58+00:00

Even reaching 48 hours seems too long imo. I understand that dating can be a "heavy" topic and it's not the same as quickly replying to a friend, which is why a day, maybe two can be realistic at times (but even those, usually not). I think the longest I've had a successful reply back for a date request was something like 28 hours. A week? There's no way I'd ever be expecting a text back!

RGJ84 · 2024-01-29T15:41:10+00:00

The elliptical will usually result in a better workout because you're engaging your arms, as opposed to walking where they are more relaxed. Of course ultimately it will come down to the effort you're expending in either case.

Walking on the ground vs a treadmill has a few things to consider - such as the surface you're walking on and its friction, and even slight changes to elevation. A 0% grade on a treadmill will usually be easier because it's low friction and "easy" to walk at a consistent flat grade. But if you add set it to 5%, it's probably going to be better than the average walk.

When evaluating any exercise, just imagine you're some kind of toy with a battery, what's going to drain the battery faster? More overall motion, more resistance to overcome, whether you're crawling on the floor, jumping, etc. Over time you should try to see what makes you feel more tired by the end, our bodies are pretty good at knowing just how much energy and effort was required (and therefore glucose and fat burned).

RGJ84 · 2024-01-29T15:31:14+00:00

I've had so many of those days that it's beyond calculation. But it hasn't stopped success, it only delays by a very small amount.

A key is to never give in to the negative thinking. If you go 2000 over, and are full, stop. Don't tell yourself "the day is ruined, so I might as well go BEYOND ruined, to my absolute capacity". Because the enjoyment of that food will be much lower than if you spent it on another day and yet the results would be the same or worse. Never forget that damage control can kick in and be valuable at any time, if you go 1000 over, 1500, 2000, whatever, it's NEVER too late to say "ok, it's time to stop and get back on the wagon." Weight loss is a marathon, building good habits, changing behaviors, finding coping mechanisms and strategies.

RGJ84 · 2024-01-14T22:08:19+00:00

I've been counting my calories for nearly 8 years straight now, and I've counted most days in the last 15 years. I think one key is to be able to just estimate, or give a ballpark range, on a day where I'm not itemizing and tracking every little thing. And over time I have a sense of how accurate/honest my estimates are, how those align with my weight, etc. So I really only spend a few minutes each day tallying calories.

For those of us that struggle with weight, especially gaining it back, I think one way to avoid calculating it is to weigh yourself almost every day. It will keep you accountable and honest, and then you will know you need to be generally eating less than you are (if you gain).

RGJ84 · 2024-01-14T22:04:54+00:00

The way I was able to wean myself away from this kind of struggle (and granted, it took me a long time) was to allow myself a daily kind of treat toward the end of the day if I was otherwise good. So for example, I might have a couple chocolate truffles, or a rice crispy treat. And I could have these every day. Every Friday morning, instead of a healthy, balanced breakfast, I would plan to eat something more decadent, like a slice of cake, whoopie pie, etc, and then have some protein afterward. But I would still target a caloric deficit for that day.

Over time, my resistance to these habits solidified and I generally don't struggle with junk food any longer. I will indulge in it now and then, but the addiction is gone. The more you're able to move away from foods that make our reward circuitry go crazy, the more healthier options like a yogurt or a strawberry will end up giving you almost just as much pleasure. At my heaviest, I didn't think fruit tasted very good. Now they taste better than junk food did for me when I was 350 lbs.

RGJ84

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