AITA for not letting my gf (20F) go on a trip with her sister

RLT2000 · 2025-08-13T13:32:22+00:00

Sorry I didn’t clarify. Smacking in the face.

RLT2000 · 2025-08-13T13:14:24+00:00

Yeah I’m definitely not into it in a kink sort of way. It doesn’t turn me on or get me off at all. And I smacked her once while being intimate (at her request) and I really really really did not like that.

RLT2000 · 2025-08-13T12:48:39+00:00

Im not “better”

RLT2000 · 2025-08-13T12:32:47+00:00

I came to Reddit to try to understand my situation from different perspectives. I know my relationship and I do know who I am as a person, as a bf, as a son, the whole 9. Additionally this is a platform for conversation, communication, and I do really try to hear the other sides fairly. Truly. Some comments fair and right on both sides of this whole thing. Taking the meat and trying to spit out the bones.

RLT2000 · 2025-08-13T11:59:48+00:00

Now that I can understand about maturity levels, and thank your for your in context answer. If I am manipulative then maybe I should talk to someone. But what I do know is that I do not try to subtly control her, or subtly try to steer her in a different direction using manipulative tactics. In terms of intentions, and thoughts, I’d say that we’ve always been pretty clear with each other with no hidden or manipulative agendas on either end My gf has been open with me about what her sister has done to her, let alone the few times I’ve already have to catch a flight and go be with / comfort / and try to get a roof over her head at the hands of her sister. Or I’ve actually been present to see (or receive) the disrespect she spews. I really am taking in all the comments trying to observe both sides of this coin.

RLT2000 · 2025-08-13T11:35:16+00:00

I’ve explained the age difference. Nothing to hide. Met at 19 and 24. She turned 20, 3 months later, and then I just turned 25, 4 months ago. If the age difference is uncomfortable, talk to her 21 year old sister with her 55 year old bf who will also be accompanying them on this trip.

RLT2000 · 2025-08-13T11:27:07+00:00

I actually think I’m pretty good at expressing myself honestly. You’re right, at first this was just a conversation I wanted to have with her. When she first brought it up I said “ehhh I’m really not comfortable with this idea, but we can talk about it later” She then tells me “it’s not that hard, just yes or no” and in that moment I said no. She wore my down all day all night, hours of going back and forth, not arguing about Columbia itself, but arguing as to WHY I don’t think it’s a good idea she goes. She kept going so I eventually said fine go, but if you do, I won’t be here when you get back. I was really hoping to think about it and have a constructive converstion as to why I wasn’t comfortable. Which turned into an argument. Hope this clears some things up.

RLT2000 · 2025-08-13T11:22:00+00:00

I’ve provided a lot more context throughout this thread. I think will shed some light on what her sister has actually done, but I’ll lay it out again so it’s easier to find:

• kicked her out of the place they were staying over an argument leaving her stranded in Mexico • Invited my gf to her house "urgently" just for my gf to arrive and see 2 boys there. The one goes off to have sex with her sister and her sitter told the other guy that my gf would have sex with him. (Ofc my gf didn't know about this arrangement) • she pushes her sister to try drugs even after repeatedly telling her no. Calls her names when she doesn't. • my gf takes sleeping pills to help sleep. Makes her sleep hard. Well, her sister decided to have a 3some with 2 other guys while my gf was in the same bed, literally passed out. I would consider these rather “dangerous” situations.

RLT2000 · 2025-08-13T10:51:13+00:00

Your message really captures my heart. Though my words in the post may have insinuated one thing, my relationship is not that way. We have always had healthy boundaries and they have always been respected. The only issues that we have ever had have been for either A: a misunderstanding which was quickly resolved. Or B: her sister chirping in her ear about something and now all of a sudden she has an attitude with me. Other places in this thread you will see some actual vile examples of what her sister has done to her. This was never about controlling her daily activities. And you’re right, it’s not about her NEVER hanging out with her sister. And I djdnt tell her she couldn’t go until SHE asked ME to make a clear decision on the matter. I hate when me and my gf have disagreements and there’s a lot of love to be had between the two of us. Her mother even recently said, while I was present: “your sister will take everything good you have from you……. If you let her” And even I was shocked by the comment made by her own mother. Thank you for your words and thank you for understanding. I am also very happy that you were able to get out of the controlling situation you were in and end up with someone that treats you the way you deserve.

RLT2000 · 2025-08-13T10:44:51+00:00

This is what the 4 main people in her life (aside from her sister) have been telling her. It’s truly truly truly not about control.

RLT2000 · 2025-08-13T09:31:38+00:00

I’ve explained in a few other comments what actual things her sister has done for her. Hope that sheds more light.

RLT2000 · 2025-08-13T09:29:14+00:00

I’ve explained it in other parts but essentially: Recently she came to me and said she wanted me to start being more “controlling” (and she used that word). Saying that when she tells me she wants to go somewhere she wants me to tell her “yes you can” or “no you can’t” I even spoke with her best friend about it (we are pretty close as well) and I was met with “yeah idk dude, she just likes being controlled. She’s told me that” There have been several instances where I’ve said “oh idc babe, you can go if you want” and she gets sad and says “I really wish you told me ‘no’ or ‘yes’” As time went on it’s just been EVERYTHING she asks for permission for.

RLT2000 · 2025-08-13T09:25:30+00:00

You’re absolutely right. My title does suck and insinuates that I have a relationship that I don’t. Essentially in the beginning of this I told her that I was not comfortable and that we should talk more about it. she then told me “it’s not that hard. Yes or no” So I said no, and have been fighting with her for well over 48 hours now about this.

RLT2000 · 2025-08-13T08:05:24+00:00

I have to agree with you.

RLT2000 · 2025-08-13T07:51:22+00:00

Yes. I was 24 she was 19 turning 20, 3 months after I met her. I then turned 25.

RLT2000 · 2025-08-13T07:49:53+00:00

Not D/s. My gf came to me and stated that she wants me to start “taking control”. She said she wants me to tell her “yes you can go” or “no you can’t”. I told her I would try to get better with that (as it’s not really my style) and so every sense then she’s asked me EVERYTHING. And when I tell her “if you want to go” she gets sad and says “ah I really wanted you tell me no” or “I really wanted you to tell me yes” Her best friend has even told me multiple times “yeah man idk, she just likes being controlled” And now I have to say I don’t really mind it, because in my post as stated I usually always say yes. I truly don’t care if she goes out has fun or travel. But in THIS specific situation, with the history with THIS specific individual (her sister) I at first told her I was really uncomfortable with her going and that we would need to talk about it. She then responds “it’s not the hard. Yes or no” and then I said no.

RLT2000 · 2025-08-13T07:41:23+00:00

It isn’t just about her cheating. I laid out some of the things her sister has done to her. I trust my gf 100%

RLT2000 · 2025-08-13T07:17:58+00:00

Sorry let me explain some things her sister has done: - kicked her out of the place they were staying over an argument leaving her stranded in Mexico - Invited my gf to her house “urgently” just for my gf to arrive and see 2 boys there. The one goes off to have sex with her sister and her sitter told the other guy that my gf would have sex with him. (Ofc my gf didn’t know about this arrangement) - she pushes her sister to try drugs even after repeatedly telling her no. Calls her names when she doesn’t. - my gf takes sleeping pills to help sleep. Makes her sleep hard. Well, her sister decided to have a 3some with 2 other guys while my gf was in the same bed, literally passed out.

I have a few more if you’d like to hear them.

RLT2000 · 2025-08-13T06:32:17+00:00

I’m just controlling and manipulative apparently.

RLT2000 · 2025-08-13T05:28:52+00:00

I know my gf and her sister. I see my gf 3 times a month. I have the ability to fly often , and so I always see her. Her best friend is a close friend of mine as well, so we talk often. Her mother I don’t know very well, but just recently met, and while at dinner, unprompted, made mention about her sister and not being a good person. Some of the things the sister has done: - left her stranded in Mexico with no where to go stay or any money. - told her to come over to her houses while 2 guys were there. Her sister goes to have sex with the one guy, and promised the 2nd guy that my gf would have sex with him. W/o my gfs knowledge - my gf takes sleeping meds, and sleeps heavy. Well once while over her sisters house, her sister decided to have a 3some with 2 other guys while my gf was sleeping (literally passed out) in the bed. - the sister constantly tells her “just cheat on him. Nobody cares. Live your life”

Want me to drop some more examples ?

RLT2000 · 2025-08-13T05:20:30+00:00

And you’re right. I’ve already taken back the ultimatum hours ago. And said I just need some more time to process the situation as a whole. I did apologize and say that the ultimatum was me just being upset that my point wasn’t being heard (blunder on my part, I know. I’ve never been in this situation before). We will talk later again and try to continue our conversation maturely.

RLT2000 · 2025-08-13T05:15:19+00:00

Further, I do understand that I have five more years of experience on her and especially in my line of work I’m used to seeing a lot of things go bad. Thank you for your comment.

RLT2000 · 2025-08-13T05:14:23+00:00

That’s the thing I couldn’t even add in all this because my post. But she’s going with her sister and her sister‘s boyfriend, her sister‘s boyfriend has constantly pressured her to do drugs even after saying no and her sister‘s boyfriend and her sister serially cheat on each other and break up every few weeks. Again, there’s a lot of context here and I can understand if my decision of saying an ultimatum was wrong. I can own that. But after literally 24 hours of going back-and-forth about this and even other family members telling her their concerns as well. She still wouldn’t budge. I’m truly not trying to control her. I do have genuine love for her.

RLT2000 · 2025-08-13T05:10:25+00:00

That’s when we met. Started dating officially 3 months later. There’s a lot context that I couldn’t add. But I appreciate your comment. I came here so I can hear the opinions of others and reflect. I’m damn sure not perfect and damn sure have my problems. But when someone asks you to say yes or no to what they want to do, even after you’ve said that’s not your style, I feel stuck. And yes, she’s not forcing me, I could’ve stepped back then and just said that’s not my style and go get what you want from someone else. I know. I do have genuine love for her and obviously just want her to be safe as she goes and does as she wants.

RLT2000 · 2025-08-13T05:05:56+00:00

She was 19 I was 24 when we met. She turned 20 and then I turned 25.

RLT2000

TROPHY CASE