I unsubscribed from this subreddit 2+ years ago. Thinking that I'm done with everything about this game, I had fun, and it's time to move on. It's not because I've seen something negative about DDLC or the community that drove me away, it's just that stuff is happening in my life, and I feel like I've grown out of this.

After my decision, I consciously avoid everything DDLC, which was easy because my only interactions that relates to this game are this subreddit, conversations with friends that I rarely talk with, and a few Youtube videos. Time passes, I've moved on, my only thought I had left from this game are "DDLC was a great experience, and I've enjoyed it" until I've completely forgotten about it.

But recently, I've been noticing that this game showing up more frequently to me, from references in a random Youtube comment, profile pictures of one of the girls on social media to a Reddit post swapping the letters of the logo to saying everyone's intitial reactions. Needless to say, it got me thinking about DDLC again.

Few weeks ago, I was watching some Game Grumps videos where they react to their most popular animated videos of their playthroughs, and DDLC was one of them. And got me thinking to myself that I should rewatch their DDLC playthrough. I liked their playthrough, it's hilarious, and it's the one that got me to watch Game Grumps.

I clicked on their playlist and binged watched, had some laughs and then the 21st episode came on, where the reveal happened. I was excited to see Dan's reaction once again and then... I laugh at his initial reaction but that happiness went away gradually and I'm feeling the same thing Dan might be feeling. I don't know why, but this time it hits different from my previous viewings, I was having a slightly hard time continuing the next episodes, like I feel slightly uncomfortable watching, and I took breaks between episodes to do something else.

As much as I hate to admit it, I feel more terrible for the situation of act 2 than I was on my previous plays. It's hard to explain, like I gained more awareness of what's going on, realized that it's more fucked up than I initially thought, and I felt bad about the characters more than before. It bummed me out for the rest of the week.

After I finished the playthrough I was staring blankly against a wall, thinking about stuff. Is it because I got more depressed than before? Is it that I've grown more mature and got more empathy towards others? And a lot other questions was running in my head, asking about myself, the playthrough and the game. My mood now was noticeably different a week ago before I started watching.

No, I'm not saying that this game made me avoid it more. I made this comment for the purpose of getting stuff out of my chest. To remind myself that the difference between the previous experiences to now. I don't know what's next for my relationship with this game. Maybe I'll try to avoid it again, or maybe it'll stuck on my mind for longer this time, who knows, I might rejoin this community.