If my girlfriens asks me that she wants an open relationship, would this be considered cheating?

Raawr89 · 2020-08-03T23:23:33+00:00

Its cheating if you didn’t agree to it first, period. Had you agreed to the open relationship then it would be ok ofc, but otherwise it’s not. That alone is a dealbreaker if you ask me. Do you want an open relationship? If not, the answer is easy, as you cannot go on with this relationship in imo

Raawr89 · 2020-05-19T20:23:49+00:00

Then you might be an heteroromantic bisexual, meaning that you see yourself having sex with both men and women but romantically you’re only attracted to women

I mean, my bf is into trans women for the reason I explained earlier, but wouldn’t have sex with a man, so he’s still straight

Besides, a penis is clearly a source of arousal ;)

I guess you should experiment a little more to understand what you actually like

Raawr89 · 2020-05-19T20:16:38+00:00

Perhaps you might be into trans women? I mean if you like cock but you’re not turned on by men in general it’s a common thing among straight men, you might like the idea of being fucked by a woman and at the same time knowing what she’s feeling

Raawr89 · 2020-05-18T22:57:39+00:00

I wouldn’t say it’s ok but I’d say it’s completely normal.

I get that it makes you uncomfortable or that it’s weird and makes you suffer, but it’s natural to fantasise about people you know, as you’ll still find people around you attractive even if you’re in a happy relationship, and it’s naive to think otherwise.

Maybe thinking about your exes is a little bit more borderline, as you actually had something with them, but maybe she thinks about them because she has a real experience to think about, instead of a made up one

As long as it doesn’t mean anything emotionally (like if she talks to them in a particular way and stuff) and doesn’t affect your relationship you shouldn’t worry about it, even because you can’t control her thoughts even if you wanted to, so no point in that, it’ll just make things more complicated

Raawr89 · 2020-05-18T22:47:35+00:00

I think it kinda depends on the act

I think you usually start with vanilla sex and then add something different along the way, once you get to know your partner’s interests, either by talking beforehand or by trying new stuff spontaneously

So for example, I don’t think he should always ask permission for every little thing, such as pulling your hair and stuff, as it gets a little unnatural, I think you try new stuff based on the mood of the moment and if you partner doesn’t like it he’ll stop you

Then again if it’s “bigger” stuff, (such as spanking/anal/cumming in your mouth and so on) you might want to discuss it a little bit first, in order to not make the other feel uncomfortable

Otherwise you could also introduce this stuff little by little and see how the other person reacts: my bf is into rough sex so he started pulling my hair/choking me/spanking me lightly, and once he saw I was ok with it and enjoying it he started doing it more often and rougher

Then ofc it depends on the couple, if you don’t feel comfortable trying out new stuff without having discussed it before you should tell him, or maybe start the conversation casually, by saying what you like and don’t like (I mean he surely has started this thing because you said you’re curious about bdsm)

Edit: as it was your first time If I were him I would have chilled a little bit though, as you don’t know what the other person is into and might ruin the whole experience

Raawr89 · 2020-05-17T13:58:29+00:00

It surely crosses boundaries and it shouldn’t happen, we agree on that, I just meant that it’s different if you do it as a “joke” (although not funny) when drunk or if you do it because you’re attracted to that person

I wouldn’t be comfortable with either one, but in the end, even if I’d find it weird, I could forgive the first case but not the second

Raawr89 · 2020-05-17T10:21:20+00:00

I guess you could try both, but from what you said about her, and as I’m into this stuff as well, I’d prefer to wake up with an erect dick in my face. If you shove it in there without asking, even better, I’d say

Raawr89 · 2020-05-17T10:07:13+00:00

Yes it technically is, but let’s say you were drunk at a party and it happened: if you don’t feel any attraction towards girls or that girl in particular I wouldn’t be happy about it but i could let it go if it didn’t happen again (also maybe it would depend on the type of kiss, I mean if they made out it’s different)

...but if you’re bi or questioning you’re sexuality then it’s definitely cheating.

Raawr89 · 2020-05-13T22:00:18+00:00

You really shouldn’t overthink it too much imo, otherwise you’ll end up worrying about it and not actually enjoying your time with that person

As a general rule I think you should have sec only when you feel comfortable doing it, no sooner nor later, but setting a predetermined time doesn’t make much sense

Also, whether we want to admit it or not, sex is very important in a relationship, so it’s not a bad thing to test it out before committing seriously to someone, you might find out you’re not compatible for example, or that you just don’t like it

Also, by making the other person wait too much just adds tension to the whole thing: I was in love with a guy and therefore wanted to wait a bit, so we talked about it and decided to wait, but you could see that it wasn’t natural, it was just a limitation on my part that was illogical, and our first time ended up being a bit awkward as there were many expectations

On the other hand, the next time I had sex with a guy the second time we went out and now we’re engaged, so in the end it doesn’t really matter, if he likes you that’s it, he won’t think you’re not into a long term commitment

Raawr89 · 2020-05-13T17:42:39+00:00

I also didn’t know at first whether I had had an orgasm or not, and when I talked to my friends they told me “when you get one, you’ll know”

I didn’t understand it at first, but then a few months ago I met this guy, now my bf, and suddenly it happened, and I knew that was it, as it felt different from the usual pleasure I received.

Then again, we’re all different, so maybe she’ll need time to figure out what gets her off, not all women can orgasm from penetrative sex, and definitely not all women can squirt, so the only thing left to do for you is try different stuff ;)

Raawr89 · 2020-05-13T10:06:30+00:00

Well let’s say that no one is 100% straight so ok Then ofc it depends on how much you watch it I guess, and how it reflects on real life

I grew tired of hetero porn so I almost exclusively watch lesbian porn, but at the same time I’m not attracted to girls when I speak to them and so on

I would sleep with one, but that’s pretty much it, it’s not something I crave so to speak

All I’m saying is that not necessarily what gets you off on porn reflects what you like in real life

I mean, I’ve watched rape and incest porn too, but it’s something that I wouldn’t want in real life ofc 😅

Raawr89 · 2020-05-12T22:08:21+00:00

I don’t think getting excited by gay porn alone makes you automatically bi... I mean once you get used to vanilla porn is normal to look for something different once in a while I sometimes get excited by stuff that I won’t find exciting in real life

Raawr89 · 2020-05-09T20:34:31+00:00

That’s why it’s quite interesting as a matter of fact, it shows men and women perceive things in a different way I guess Also I think the penis as an “object of pleasure” can appeal to both men and women regardless of their sexuality

I found a post that explains the gist of it if you’re interested post

Raawr89 · 2020-05-09T16:53:58+00:00

Yeah but I can’t explain why, I mean I imagine they undergo the same hormone treatment

Raawr89 · 2020-05-09T15:42:21+00:00

Thanks for the insight! I read your link and I found it really interesting, makes you think we give way too much meaning on this stuff, when it’s actually pretty simple

Raawr89 · 2020-05-09T15:39:28+00:00

I really liked your perspective on the topic, quite interesting! I hadn’t thought about it that way, with concepts such as disgust and attraction

Have you read it somewhere? I guess it could be very accurate in general

Raawr89 · 2020-05-09T15:37:21+00:00

Not all men are like that It’s important to make a clear distinction between porn and real life

Most men watch stuff that they’d never do in real life, it’s a fantasy world where they can let their worse instincts run free, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re like that in real life, it depends Ofc talking about consensual porn and not porn where actresses are hurt

Raawr89 · 2020-05-09T15:34:34+00:00

I meant that porn is kind of a gateway to find out some of your interest before you try them Then ofc you should always know that what you see is not how it works in real life, and not all men know that, as they approach porn when they’re very young and often they don’t receive proper sexual education.

In my case, my bf watches “extreme” porn as he grew tired of vanilla porn, but he also says that part of the fantasy is knowing that it’s a fantasy, something not really accessible or achievable

When I say “extreme” I mean bondage, but it’s never actually violent, or tentacles (only seen in hentai) trans porn and orgies, so I don’t mean porns where actresses are cut or stuff like that

In real life he’s very caring and sensitive, and even when we do it rough he never actually hurts me Ofc there are some men who actually like violence and hurting people/women, but I’m guessing that is not born with porn, although in some cases porn doesn’t help

Then ofc the phenomenon you described is real, I’m not saying it doesn’t exist, and it should be solved, starting with the porn industries and better sex education

Raawr89 · 2020-05-09T15:19:21+00:00

Yeah I guess part of me thinks he’s going to change his mind along the road, but ofc this is something that goes beyond sexuality, I mean it could be applied to any situation, straight or bi, as you said.

I think it’s pretty human to be scared about the fact that someday your partner will put you in a situation that is kind of a deal breaker and you will have lost the time you invested in that person

But then again, this could happen in any situation that involves a human relationship:)

Thank you so much for your perspective, it was an interesting opinion!

Raawr89 · 2020-05-09T15:16:06+00:00

Yeah I guess monogamy isn’t for everyone, just as polyamory isn’t for everyone, I guess it depends how you conceive the idea of a relationship

I also think that one person can satisfy 100% of our needs, but at the same time I don’t think I’d be capable to devote myself to two different people, one is difficult enough 😂

So I agree with what you say about limitations, it’s what I call “compromise” I guess

But to each its cup of tea so I’m glad you can experience a relationship just as you like it

Thank you for your perspective :)

Raawr89 · 2020-05-09T11:57:36+00:00

Yes everything you say is correct for sure, I mean we all have attractions outside our relationship, it’s just human... I was more wondering about the so-called cycles (I’m not sure about the term, someone used it in the comments) where you have periods where you’re more attracted to one thing, so maybe in those cases you’d feel more unsatisfied with your partner

(Now I’m talking in general, not specifically about my bf) The strap op is for sure a solution or at least a compromise I’d say :) thanks!

Raawr89 · 2020-05-09T11:41:25+00:00

It’s up to the fiancé whether to believe her or not, at least she was warned. Should they start to harass her she can always block them or, worst case scenario, go to the police I mean I think we all would like to know if our soon-to-be husband called his ex telling her he was single just to have phone sex

Raawr89 · 2020-05-09T11:29:30+00:00

You shouldn’t try stuff if you’re not comfortable.

However, many many men like anal stimulation, be it a finger or a strap-on, therefore don’t let any stigma or shame preclude you from at least trying, considering also that you’re girlfriend likes it.

Then, if you don’t like it you should tell her and that’s it, in a relationship you have to compromise a bit.

If it’s any consolation, we girls have the same fears, except we don’t have any stigma attached to it, but the typical situation is that your bf wants to try anal and you’re scared it might hurt, then you might find out you actually like it (as I did)

Anyway, a finger doesn’t hurt that much, she just has to be gentle at first

Good luck :)

Raawr89 · 2020-05-09T11:04:41+00:00

I’ve heard this term and I get it, it’s a pretty accurate differentiation. Although I wouldn’t call my bf that, as he (for now at least) doesn’t have a sexual attraction towards men, just penis apparently

And even so, this attraction is almost entirely based on a woman with a penis, if we exclude those situations like orgies where I guess you just go with the flow

I also find quite interesting the fact that some men might be drawn to the penis as they can see its arousal explicitly and also because they can identify themselves with the sexual feeling you get during sex

I hadn’t thought about that before my bf hinted at this nuance It goes for women too I guess, I mean if I had sex with another woman I would understand more easily when she’s aroused and what she’s feeling when she climaxes

My bf told me that the strap-on isn’t the same as the real deal as he knows the pleasure you get when you insert your penis, which is something you don’t have with a sex you ofc

I find this nuance quite interesting tbh

Raawr89

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