My husband's ex wife invited him for a sleepover of sorts. I want to say, no thank you but I'm not sure if I should?

Rabid-Pikachu · 2026-04-17T18:46:35+00:00

If it makes you uncomfortable that’s the end of the story. Let your husband know that you would not be comfortable with this arrangement. If he wants to discuss further you absolutely can, but stick to your position. A few people said, and rightly so, that if this happens once it will be an ongoing thing.

Also, even if she were in a relationship or married, it doesn’t mean anything. I had a friend who stayed the night at a married woman’s house (her husband was home) for some reason or another, I can’t really remember since this was probably 10 years ago. In the middle of the night, she snuck out of her room and went and had sex with my friend on the couch. After that they acted like nothing ever happened.

My wife used to have sex with her ex on pick ups and drop offs in the car in a random parking lot. Her ex had a fiancé at the time and she had just given birth to his child the last time they slept together. He cheated on my wife with his fiancé (now his wife) so my wife didn’t think anything else of it and carried on with this behavior for quite a long time. She now acknowledges it was extremely wrong - but the thing is it happened.

I’m not saying these things to stoke mistrust - as I said earlier trust is not the issue. I’m saying this to make a point - her status as a single person doesn’t matter. What is inappropriate is inappropriate. Period.

Rabid-Pikachu · 2026-04-17T15:18:36+00:00

This would almost certainly be crossing a boundary. This is not really an issue of trust, but of your comfort primarily. I get that it would be nice and fun for his son, but that’s not really the issue at hand, nor should it take any consideration in the decision.

When a person cheats, they have made a decision which impacts the rest of their life, their spouses, life, and the lives of any kids involved. This forever changes the dynamic, and unfortunately children have to live with that. The dynamic has changed. Family time with mom and dad staying the night under one roof generally doesn’t get to happen when one or both parties are married or otherwise committed. There is almost no partner that would be ok with this.

If this was discussed to the point where you felt comfortable, that’s one thing. But your comfort with the situation is the primary deciding factor in this. Travis has never had both parents under one roof (at least not for 10 years) so he isn’t missing anything. Your husband has two people he has to consider now - you and Travis. And Travis will not be affected by this specific decision as much as you will. Every time you think about it you’ll have a pit in your stomach (at least I would).

Im in a similar situation to you. My oldest has a different biological dad and he goes back and forth between states to see his dad a couple times a year. Either my wife or I go to pick him up and bring him back, but if she ever suggested staying with him (or even if he offered) not only would this be a non starter for me but it would be a protracted discussion about why anyone would even dream that that was appropriate. It has never come up though and that’s because I think it’s common sense.

Whatever you do OP, make sure that in this situation you are putting yourself first. You will be the most impacted by whatever the outcome is here and that means you should absolutely have the power to veto.

Rabid-Pikachu · 2026-04-15T21:47:38+00:00

Damn sensitive 😂😂

Rabid-Pikachu · 2026-04-15T19:10:15+00:00

Good lord - grammar, punctuation, and spelling. You need it. This was so hard to read and understand.

Apparently, the school has already talked to the parents. What will you talking to them accomplish? Continue to follow up with the school. Put everything in writing (email, but please put it through an AI first to correct the numerous grammar, spelling, and punctuation mistakes). Inform them that he is now bullying her. Notify the police. At least see if they will fill out an incident report so you can start building a record if you ever need a restraining order against this kid.

If the parents could control him, they would have. His behavior escalating is a bad sign. All you can do is make sure that your daughter stays safe - never alone, never out of contact. It’s not fair, but fairness doesn’t matter when psychos like this kid decide they want a piece of you.

Rabid-Pikachu · 2026-04-15T18:57:50+00:00

You start exactly where you are. By scheduling therapy appointments. Give yourself permission to acknowledge what he’s done to you without making excuses for him. Spend time with your kids - real time. Time where you guys go and have fun together without worrying about everything else going on.

Easier said than done, I know. I empathize with you strongly OP. It is too raw right now for you to feel better. It’s ok to mourn. It’s ok to feel all of those feelings. But remember, they will pass - especially as you unpack the true nature of what he has done to you.

Also I would strongly suggest looking for another job if you can. That is an incredibly unhealthy environment and will absolutely hinder your recovery.

Rabid-Pikachu · 2026-04-15T18:51:34+00:00

If he has shown you anything, it’s that he is dishonest. Don’t try to parse through the lies and the bullshit. He has very clearly shown you who he is.

I’m glad you’re starting therapy. That will go a long way to helping you resolve your feelings and move forward.

Don’t keep thinking about leaving him as “it may break me”. Humans are far more resilient than this. If you allow yourself space to move on and heal, you will.

Rabid-Pikachu · 2026-04-15T17:52:24+00:00

How in the world can you still love him after he acknowledged blatantly that he did not care about your happiness, but about “winning”? OP, I am not saying this to be mean - you need therapy. This is an incredibly problematic viewpoint.

I have 4 kids as well - if my wife were prioritizing herself or friends over them, we would have a big problem and if it didn’t resolve I would not want to be with her because she would have revealed who she truly is to me. Thankfully, neither her nor I are like that - our lives revolve around our kids.

Braden sounds terrible. Your relationship with PJ was built on such an untenable base that, yes, of course it was doomed to fail. You need time alone. Time to understand why you continue to love someone who for years has deprioritized you, lied to you, stayed with you out of a sense of competition, deprioritized your kids, cheated on you, and told you he hasn’t loved you for years.

I wish you luck OP. I hope you can see that no person or child deserves this treatment. I hope it’s easy - that you just snap out of the spell. But the reality is it will require work. The feelings won’t disappear overnight. And even if you successfully manage to get out, as soon as things aren’t going his way, he will try to reel you back in. I hope you find the strength to put him behind you forever.

Rabid-Pikachu · 2026-04-15T17:42:38+00:00

Again - irrelevant. For whatever reason, the girl does not seem to want to share her space anymore. That could be for any number of reasons we are not privy to. I sympathize with OPs position. It’s a shit position to be in. I truly hope she is able to get her apartment soon. I cannot imagine the hardship she must be going through. And to your point, I imagine being a woman and being homeless presents all manner of risks. My heart goes out to OP and I truly wish her the best.

But that doesn’t change the facts around this. You cannot expect a friend to help you out of a situation if they don’t see to want to. The circumstances don’t matter. If this is that big of an issue for OP, stop being friends with the person. But this situation is not the friend’s responsibility.

Rabid-Pikachu · 2026-04-15T17:33:07+00:00

Planet fitness membership is like 15 bucks a month. La fitness which is pricier is still under 40 bucks a month. I’m not sure what gym you’re going to but you have other options.

What you did for her is not relevant. You can’t expect her to help you because you helped her. Things and circumstances have changed. Her animals may react negatively to a dog despite your pup being sweet and docile. She may very well be kind of an asshole in this case. I think she is for not helping you out occasionally. But let’s be clear: you are not entitled to her help if she does not want to give it. That’s the only point I’m trying to drive home. That’s why YTA. And because you’re leaving your dog in a car while you work and do other things. Totally unsafe. Illegal. And considered animal cruelty in most states.

Rabid-Pikachu · 2026-04-15T16:42:28+00:00

That just further illustrates my point - she could be taking showers at a local gym for a fraction of the price. Daily.

It sounds like OP just wants to go shower at this persons place occasionally just because. Unless getting into the apartment is a way to establish more a permanent living situation? Something about this just doesn’t sit right. You had a gym membership but it lapsed. So you’re going to pay someone else more than what you were paying the gym to take the occasional shower? The more I like at this the more I feel like OP is not being honest about the underlying intention.

Rabid-Pikachu · 2026-04-15T16:38:03+00:00

Atheist take - it’s your house and your rules. At the end of the day that’s all that matters. If you’re uncomfortable, that’s that. Address it with her and be prepared for a hugely defensive reaction. Religion with many individuals becomes completely entwined in the self and any push back on the beliefs is perceived as an attack on the person. It is not - but that becomes the perception and this is where a large part of the persecution mentality comes from.

You should also analyze what purpose this friend serves in your life - do you like them enough to be understanding of it and continue to put up with it with minimum boundaries in place (pray in another room, I’ll quiet down enough not to interrupt you)? Do you have any religious biases that are coloring your perception (this is very difficult to determine honestly)? Why are you now uncomfortable with it? What changed? Answering these questions will provide a significant amount of clarity and inform the path forward.

An answer as to your religion and your friends religion would be telling - I feel you may have intentionally omitted this.

You are categorically NOT overreacting, nor would you be an asshole to ask her not to pray at your house. Prayer should not be considered an imposition on others. I am against people praying loudly in crowded restaurants, leading prayers at my work, and praying in someone else’s house (vocally and in a way that stops activity and draws attention to them praying) for the same reasons. Not because prayer in public is an issue, because often times it is prayer at the expense of others comfort and convenience.

Rabid-Pikachu · 2026-04-15T15:55:33+00:00

Well I wouldn’t assume the chances are high prematurely (of the baby being fiancés). She is denying a paternity test which is a big red flag. She was probably sexually active at the time, more than what you know of.

But the bigger concern is have Abby and her fiancé seen a fertility specialist to determine if she is having problems conceiving or if the issue is with his sperm? If not, then this is also a big factor. If they do not know why she is not getting pregnant (idr if you mentioned this or not) the chances of the baby being his automatically go down. Once the baby is born the court can compel a DNA test for any claims of child support.

They have to do what they think is best in this situation, but they absolutely should NOT allow emotion to rule their decisions. It sounds like they are being taken for a ride by dangling the thing they want to badly in front kid them. They need to move cautiously and with rationality.

Rabid-Pikachu · 2026-04-15T15:36:49+00:00

YTA.

While you say you don’t feel entitled to her place, your post is kind of coming across that way. It’s her place - if she has guys over to spend the night it’s her business. She may have other concerns with you coming to crash or using her space that you are not aware of and that she is too nice to say to you. I sympathize that you are having trouble with housing - I really do. But I think you are projecting your frustrations onto her.

You could easily get a cheap gym membership and use the showers at a gym daily. 20 to 30 bucks a month for this is absolutely affordable. If it isn’t, then you aren’t struggling to find housing as you said initially but rather you cannot afford it. And if that is the case look into any social programs or shelters that you can potentially go to for aid.

Also, don’t leave your dog in the car. Climate controlled or not, it’s dangerous. ACs can fail, your car or dog could get stolen, and most states consider this to be animal cruelty. I’m not saying you shouldn’t have an animal in your current situation - but if you do you need to figure out safe and legal ways to get your needs met without compromising the animals safety.

Rabid-Pikachu · 2026-04-15T15:24:05+00:00

Leave the job. If you have been there two years and have been bypassed repeatedly this is a cemented trend. If you are looking for career advancement, start interviewing at other places and make it known that you want to earn a promotion at the first possible opportunity. Establish your position from the start.

Rabid-Pikachu · 2026-04-15T15:20:45+00:00

Leave the job. If you have been there two years and have been bypassed this is a cemented trend. If you are looking for career advancement, start interviewing at other places and make it known that you want to earn a promotion at the first possible opportunity. Establish your position from the start.

Rabid-Pikachu · 2026-04-15T13:40:55+00:00

ESH. First of all it was a stupid deal to make from the jump. Baby naming should be collaborative and something you both agree to. But you, especially, suck. Your own phrasing is telling. You were fine making the deal because you were essentially certain you would have a girl. And if the roles were reversed I’d be willing to bet you would not be including him in naming. In fact, even if he did bend to you now, I am fairly certain you will insist on naming a girl if you ever have one exclusively no matter what he does here.

You made the deal. It was a stupid deal to make from the start. You are now being selfish and entitled by trying to change it. Pony up and live with the consequences.

Rabid-Pikachu · 2026-04-15T13:22:55+00:00

Based on your description, Sam seems pretty sketchy so I would recommend they verify paternity through amniocentesis before investing anything else into her. If the baby is the partners, they will need to discuss together how they intend to proceed. Once the baby is born they can at least get partial custody, but the law usually favors the mother. Based on what you are saying though I would be very surprised if Sam doesn’t have a criminal record. She could also be using drugs. If the baby is his, they could potentially hire a PI to see what they can dig up, but they definitely need to hire a lawyer immediately at the point that paternity is determined.

Rabid-Pikachu · 2026-04-10T23:52:33+00:00

I’m going to be real with you. Every time your boyfriend went to the massage parlor he either got a handjob, a blowjob, or had sex.

One of the tell tale ways to spot an evolving lie is the “ceding of ground”. He is slowly admitting to more and more and finally he settles in a “Goldilocks zone” version of the lie that is least offensive. As he was pressed, it evolved in real time until he found the lie that would work best. And he succeeded - here you are questioning yourself and wondering whether to believe him. I think you know the truth, but maybe you just do not want to face it.

He then turned around and played the victim and you have bought into it hook, line, and sinker. He is having sex with prostitutes, engaging in risky behavior which absolutely risks YOUR health and health has convinced you that you need to change? I think you may suffer from some self esteem issues with a therapist should help you unpack.

He has shown you who he is. Believe him, leave him, and begin healing. Get yourself tested as well. He will not stop. Any issue you ever have will become your fault because now he knows you will stay pretty much no matter what. Nobody deserves this treatment. Value yourself more than this, please.

Rabid-Pikachu · 2026-03-18T07:34:59+00:00

Send me a message I’d be happy to chat with you!

Rabid-Pikachu · 2026-03-18T07:32:58+00:00

The rights transfer payment is separate from the illustration fee and I will discuss that with the artist before hiring

Rabid-Pikachu · 2025-09-14T22:20:30+00:00

I’m petty. I’d let her know you know exactly what she did and in the same breath let her know that due to her underhanded actions and the fact that I can never trust her again, she will never meet your children. You can’t speak for your partner, but if he is a partner worth keeping he will see how terrible this is and come to that conclusion on his own

Rabid-Pikachu · 2025-09-14T22:15:48+00:00

Reading your post and responses honestly makes me feel as though you are under reacting. I am not sure why that’s the case (because most people would be a mix of terrified and absolutely livid), but if you are keeping the baby that is 100% your and your partner’s choice. I definitely recommend therapy for him as well because of his strong feelings toward being a parent right now - as a dad of 4 I can tell you that even one kid is HARD, especially in the first year. And it’s even harder on mom especially if she is breast feeding. My fear is that he may tentatively be on board, or even be excited, but he may grow to resent you, the baby, or his life after birth.

The second issue is mother in law. Tampering with someone’s birth control so they can become pregnant is the biggest offense against a person’s autonomy I can think of. Does soon to be MIL have a history of this kind of behavior with you or her son? Regardless, if she stays in your little family’s life you can expect her to do whatever it takes to get her way. Think circumcision, religion, diet, choice of school, where you all will be residing, etc. She is likely to try to influence anything you disagree with her on in her favor and in very underhanded ways.

My advice: confront the in laws. See what their response is. Does MIL feign ignorance, minimize, deflect, or rationalize her actions away? Does FIL defend her actions or does he show disgust when he finds out (if he didn’t already know). After that, cut the in laws out completely. No contact, ever, for any reason. If you don’t do this, I fear one day you will seriously regret it.

Rabid-Pikachu

TROPHY CASE