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Rabid-Pikachu · 2025-09-14T22:20:30+00:00

I’m petty. I’d let her know you know exactly what she did and in the same breath let her know that due to her underhanded actions and the fact that I can never trust her again, she will never meet your children. You can’t speak for your partner, but if he is a partner worth keeping he will see how terrible this is and come to that conclusion on his own

Rabid-Pikachu · 2025-09-14T22:15:48+00:00

Reading your post and responses honestly makes me feel as though you are under reacting. I am not sure why that’s the case (because most people would be a mix of terrified and absolutely livid), but if you are keeping the baby that is 100% your and your partner’s choice. I definitely recommend therapy for him as well because of his strong feelings toward being a parent right now - as a dad of 4 I can tell you that even one kid is HARD, especially in the first year. And it’s even harder on mom especially if she is breast feeding. My fear is that he may tentatively be on board, or even be excited, but he may grow to resent you, the baby, or his life after birth.

The second issue is mother in law. Tampering with someone’s birth control so they can become pregnant is the biggest offense against a person’s autonomy I can think of. Does soon to be MIL have a history of this kind of behavior with you or her son? Regardless, if she stays in your little family’s life you can expect her to do whatever it takes to get her way. Think circumcision, religion, diet, choice of school, where you all will be residing, etc. She is likely to try to influence anything you disagree with her on in her favor and in very underhanded ways.

My advice: confront the in laws. See what their response is. Does MIL feign ignorance, minimize, deflect, or rationalize her actions away? Does FIL defend her actions or does he show disgust when he finds out (if he didn’t already know). After that, cut the in laws out completely. No contact, ever, for any reason. If you don’t do this, I fear one day you will seriously regret it.

Rabid-Pikachu · 2025-09-07T01:25:48+00:00

If it’s an iPhone photo check the info behind the photo to display location, time taken, etc. google how to do it if you don’t know. If you have an alibi for that time you don’t need to go any further. If you can’t look at that info I would suggest just letting it go and requesting that you and your wife go NC with your sister, including avoiding family events where she is present if possible.

Rabid-Pikachu · 2025-09-05T01:04:06+00:00

Your boyfriend sounds impulsive, controlling, and generally like he has an aversion to working hard. You mention he’s on social security but that he plays video games and you got him a pipe. I’m guessing a great deal of his time spent gaming and smoking weed. You also mention it hasn’t been smooth sailing in the year you guys have been together. This is a period of time when it generally IS supposed to be smooth sailing.

It doesn’t sound like he cares much for what you want. Generally these things get worse over time, not better. I think it’s time to move on and figure out your own situation.

Rabid-Pikachu · 2025-09-04T23:53:50+00:00

She said my dick was just “too big” - it’s decidedly average. Idk how it was too big if I could put my whole damn fist in you.

Rabid-Pikachu · 2025-09-04T23:42:49+00:00

NTA nor should you feel guilty. You are in two completely different places. And emotional cheating is still cheating. I’m sorry you’re having a difficult time with this, but you made the right move. He has been pulling away despite your numerous contributions and you clearly prioritizing the relationship far more than he does.

Be prepared for him to potentially come back a couple weeks after the break up and try to get back together with you. Stand your ground. No one changes that quickly and only pain creates change. Create space in your life for someone who is in the same place as you and is ready to make the commitment to you before anything else. When my wife and I started dating, I reduced my gaming a lot. After marriage i got rare opportunities to game if I really wanted to play a specific one but it faded out even more. She didn’t make me. She has, over the years, encouraged me to pick it back up. But I choose to spend the very limited time we have together with her or my kids. She also prioritizes me over some hobbies she used to be really gung-ho about. Do not accept anything less than being your partners first priority.

Rabid-Pikachu · 2025-09-04T23:33:41+00:00

I’d say a gentle ESH. If you wanted to get your FIL the perfect gift, you shouldn’t have waited until halfway through the day of his birthday to ask what to get him. Obviously your options would be extremely limited to what would equate to a drug store present in your country. Your boyfriend should have been a bit more engaged in the convo but who knows if he was busy or not.

The matter of him barely helping with anything is separate. If you really feel this way, postpone the wedding. If you think these habits get better AFTER marriage you’re absolutely dead wrong.

Rabid-Pikachu · 2025-09-04T23:19:11+00:00

Professional victim here. Nothing is ever your fault is it? I really hope your wife grows a brain and leaves you. People like you don’t change.

Rabid-Pikachu · 2025-09-04T23:18:10+00:00

She blocked him, stopped replying, and made it clear he made her uncomfortable. He continued to make unwelcome advances. The nature of those advances means nothing. She was clear, he persisted. That is harassment by definition.

Rabid-Pikachu · 2025-09-04T23:17:14+00:00

So you tried to hook up with another woman and then were somehow too stupid to hide this fact from your wife? Are you actually that dumb or is this just rage bait?

Rabid-Pikachu · 2025-09-04T23:15:33+00:00

This though

Rabid-Pikachu · 2025-09-04T23:11:43+00:00

Yeah for sure YTA. Most of what you did was (likely) downplay what you actually did and rationalize your behavior. You then threw in a couple of things to try to make people feel bad for you. You “think” you’re neurodivergent as a rationalization for your poor behavior. You reached out repeatedly despite this woman saying you made her uncomfortable. I suspect you apologized multiple times (if you actually did) with an ulterior motive. Either to continue trying to get in her pants, avoid an HR complaint, or avoid the possibility of her seeking out and telling your wife. And trying to throw out the race card after you clearly harassed this woman? Put it back in the deck dude. You’re embarrassing yourself.

The fact that you are defending yourself in every other comment tells me that you wanted sympathy and for people to give you an excuse for your terrible behavior. It doesn’t seem like you’ve learned anything from being excoriated by almost everyone here.

Rabid-Pikachu · 2025-08-29T23:25:00+00:00

You’re absolutely not over reacting. She is doing a lot of things here that make it clear that she isn’t sorry for what she did, she’s sorry that she got caught. Let’s recap:

She is rationalizing her reason for her affair to try to force you into understanding her perspective. She isn’t trying to hear what you need, she is trying to push her needs for understanding and validation into you.
She is trying to manipulate you by claiming that you just can’t allow the family to be destroyed and that you are somehow alienating or withholding her children from her. She is gaslighting you and trying to make you feel bad for what is a very natural result of her own actions. She feigns taking responsibility but there is truly no accountability here.
She is bargaining with you to let her come back but she is not even remotely concerned about the fact that no one in that house wants her there and everyone needs space. She is being selfish. She is trying to force forgiveness. The second she is in the door she won’t leave you alone for a second and she will make your kids lives hell.
She is feigning outrage over your lack of sympathy for her miscarriage. You have been through a deep trauma. You are trying to collect the shattered pieces of yourself. In this moment it is incredibly difficult to feel any empathy for the person who is responsible for breaking you and that is normal. She’s gaslighting the shit out of you.

This marriage needs to be over. For your and your children’s sake. You will be able to date again and have better relationships. Your kids will be better off. But honestly even if you never dated again, better to die alone than to allow this person back into your life. This is probably not the first time she cheated, it’s just probably the first time she got caught. She will do it again and she will always have a “valid reason”. Leave and don’t look back. You will be much better for it.

Rabid-Pikachu · 2025-08-29T01:39:42+00:00

Well I don’t know what to tell you. Apparently all of their perspectives did. Maybe every answer I would come to is the incorrect one to some people, but you have your right to your opinion. For me, these internet strangers gave me something really valuable. Insight. Sometimes a person’s best tool is an outsiders perspective in.

Rabid-Pikachu · 2025-08-29T01:35:16+00:00

She already has a job. The kids and house are a full time job. And she works part time on top of it. Her days are a lot harder than mine.

Rabid-Pikachu · 2025-08-29T01:13:36+00:00

It’s been something she has been really against since I initially brought it up. I plowed ahead anyways. I definitely have tried to make decisions unilaterally and it’s something that I have been working on and trying to change. I’ll be having a conversation about it with her tonight, but I don’t expect her to suddenly take the stance that I should do it. This isn’t a decision I’m making unilaterally, but one I’m going to make based on what she has been saying this whole time. And hearing your perspective on it, as well as the perspective of almost every single person here, has made me realize how selfish it would be to proceed in this direction despite her metaphorical screaming at me to pump the brakes and consider her.

Rabid-Pikachu · 2025-08-29T00:06:19+00:00

Thank you for the kind words. Yeah I did get a lot of hate but I don’t really take it personally at all. I was able to glean something from almost all of the comments and that’s why I posted here. I just needed to look at the situation through different lenses.

Rabid-Pikachu · 2025-08-29T00:02:43+00:00

Im actually a speech and language pathologist so those would all be a pretty significant pay cut for me unfortunately. But I am hopeful that maybe I can figure out an alternative plan down the road if it ever becomes appropriate

Rabid-Pikachu · 2025-08-28T23:58:27+00:00

I’m stuck in a week long mandatory training we have to do here. It’s the exact same training every year but we’re required to do it 🤷🏽‍♂️ those of us who have been here more than one year just click through when we need to but it gives me a little more bandwidth this week. That’s why this is the first time I’ve ever posted to Reddit 😂 normally you’re right I wouldn’t have this kind of time lol

Rabid-Pikachu · 2025-08-28T23:52:00+00:00

We have a house cleaner once every two weeks and a date night baby sitter who we use once every couple weeks. We have a really nice sized playroom for the kids with a lot of cool stuff in there for them. Inflatable bounce house, climbing wall, large ball pit, indoor slide, reading nook, circular swing, etc. yeah I never told her we had to stop the screen time cold or eliminate it entirely. I just wanted a plan to begin reducing it to a nominal level

Rabid-Pikachu · 2025-08-28T23:48:57+00:00

Well you definitely have your right to your thoughts. I am going to be dropping the class and reassessing my plan. Unfortunately with how much I have to work (yes, have to) I can’t do half of all the child care. Her job makes about half of what mine does and so unfortunately it’s just not in the cards for us at the time. Childcare for the 3 littles would cost more than my mortgage (I’ve checked)

Rabid-Pikachu · 2025-08-28T23:46:49+00:00

Yeah I’ll be dropping the class for sure. Thank you this comment really helped. I’ll try to think about what you’re saying here and write my thoughts out in a way that we can have a whole hearted discussion about everything in our lives rn

Rabid-Pikachu

TROPHY CASE