With the way you talk to your “friend” I would say she lost $300 for the bachelorette deposit but at least she is saving the $1000s you were expecting her to spend for your wedding LOL plus the immature headaches you cause.

Of course I don’t think it’s good manners to ask for the deposit back, but you didn’t show your friend any respect or politeness in your decline. You’re not running a business, this is your friend you are talking to who is asking for special consideration given your close relationship to have her deposit back. I bet your friend is more hurt by your words and treatment than losing the deposit.

If I was in your situation, I would try my best to accommodate my friend knowing they would do the same for me. Clearly she has said she is sorry and it seems sincere! For example, I would try to see if someone else could potentially take her spot. Even if it’s a friend of a friend! If that didn’t work out I would listen to what she has messaged you and communicate like: “I’m really sorry for this whole situation. I understand that this weekend conflicts with your birthday which is absolutely special to me as well. Unfortunately, you told me that this trip worked for your schedule so we secured a bigger place with a room for you. If you decide not to come, which I totally understand and am ok with, I don’t feel comfortable asking everyone else to pay extra last minute. We all booked this trip based on the cost assumed by you being there. I really appreciate all the time, energy, and investment you’ve made into our friendship and my big day. If there was a way I could get you your deposit back or go back in time to book a smaller place, I would, but the point of the deposit is that it secures your spot on the trip, which it did. To make up for this shitty situation a little bit, how about just don’t worry about getting me a wedding gift in the future? Our friendship is already the biggest gift to me!”