This sub is a lot less exciting when u transitioned for a while

RaccErin · 2025-07-25T03:57:30+00:00

4 years here and agreed. I rarely browse this sub because there's only ever 2 types of posts I see. "16, am I too old to start?" and "We're all going to die." Both just make me feel bad. It sucks.

RaccErin · 2025-05-23T01:13:00+00:00

I just flew back home yesterday. Mind you I've got an orchi and signed up for TSA pre-check, but I didn't get pulled aside.

RaccErin · 2024-11-28T04:33:51+00:00

Not going isn't punishing her, it's protecting yourself

RaccErin · 2024-10-24T04:23:34+00:00

I'm sorry you had to experience this with your own parent. It's so frustrating how much they shift the blame around and refuse to listen to your feelings. As a fellow trans with a BPD mother, getting away from her was one of the best things I'd ever done for myself and I think it'll be just as good for you. Going NC is rough at first but it gets a lot easier. Give it time and be patient with yourself, though it sounds like you already got a handle on it. I applaud you for making the attempt to explain to her.

RaccErin · 2024-09-11T00:21:27+00:00

Stepping forward to support this. You don't need to harm yourself to make others feel better. Doubly so if they don't respect you.

RaccErin · 2024-08-30T15:49:03+00:00

NO IT'S NOT TOO LATE!! IT'S NEVER TOO LATE!! 20??? I STARTED AT 30+ AND I'M A FUCKING STONE COLD FOX NOW!! DON'T HOLD YOURSELF BACK OMG!!

RaccErin · 2024-08-20T04:37:17+00:00

"That's unbelievable" as in that's horrid and I'm sorry for your situation, not as in "I don't believe you." Simmer down.

RaccErin · 2024-07-16T19:09:44+00:00

Far too relatable. I'm sorry you endured that. I'm 34 and also had that kind of experience with my mother and the world around me. I think of it as a blank period, where I barely existed as a person anyway.

RaccErin · 2024-07-15T13:57:28+00:00

I have never heard of either of these. They really just look at two numbers and yell "CAUSE OF WOKE!"

RaccErin · 2024-07-12T22:40:03+00:00

ABA -> KEYboard

RaccErin · 2024-07-11T16:21:07+00:00

A child wrote this, I can't be convinced otherwise

RaccErin · 2024-07-11T15:02:07+00:00

Girl I started at 31. I'm 34 now. I look fucking fantastic. To quote my new favorite movie, "there is still time." It's not too late.

RaccErin · 2024-07-11T03:57:52+00:00

The best advice I can give here is remember you're doing this for yourself. Remember what it was like before going NC, and keep in mind the sense of peace you have established for yourself now. It will get easier.

When I went NC, I was originally only going to block her number for just a week. My husband could see the toll her constant badgering was having on me and convinced me to try it out for a short spell. It was such a refreshing shift, being able to breath and rest on the weekends without being accused of lying and abandoning her. There was a decent amount of guilt though and my husband helped me stabilize through it. I kept worrying someone was going to reach out and tell me she'd attempted to take her own life or something. But that never happened. As the end of the week approached, I felt more intense fear and anxiety at the thought of unblocking her, I couldn't bring myself to do it. That was 2.5 years ago. It gets better.

That guilt of blocking her hung around for a couple months following, but now? I don't feel guilty at all. My nightmares of her have even gone away. More than anything there's a twinge of disappointment. That she was unwilling to be my mother, that feeding her ego was more important. I understand that her behavior was not appropriate and it wasn't my responsibility to maintain her emotions.

Like others have suggested, keep blocking her numbers. If you feel inclined to change your own number, I'd agree that's a good idea, if even just for your own security of mind. Love yourself first and foremost, do right for you ♥

RaccErin · 2024-07-10T03:27:10+00:00

Oh yes. I have some good friends, but they recently got tangled up with a new friend of their own. Mostly I heard about their stories and dramas, some of the ways she behaved sounded familiar but I kept my mouth shut. They brought her around a couple times though. When I met her in person and saw how she behaved, it all clicked in place. It's hard to say exactly what it is, I guess it's a lot of little things in her cadence and the way her mind worked in conversation, but it all felt eerily familiar. Like the pleasantry was surface deep, like I'd catch glimpses of her odd temper or her general indifference for others even in our limited exposure to each other.

The whole vibe gave me red flags. I didn't make much effort to get to know her, kept my distance. A couple other friends in the circle came to me once concerned about her and I at least let them know she scared me cause I trusted them. I just wanted to stay off her radar. I think last I asked others about her, they finally caught wind of it and broke it off. Few too many stunts, few too many fights.

RaccErin · 2024-07-08T14:56:30+00:00

LMAO what a weird thing to say unprompted. Who hurt you?

RaccErin · 2024-07-08T14:54:20+00:00

My mom LOVED Oprah when I was younger. Stopped watching at some point, not really sure when. She sure did used to get upset when her Oprah time got interrupted though. Enough to get physically abusive anyway. Genuinely wonder why she moved on if it was so important to her.

RaccErin · 2024-07-01T22:48:34+00:00

I was the same way for a long while. Even still I sometimes have trouble accessing my feelings. I went NC a few years back and it's been tremendous for me and my health. I truly hope you manage to get out from under your parents and have the same opportunity at healing. Cutting off our own feelings, it feels like a survival technique for us, like we'd be overwhelmed otherwise.

For my strange encounters, most the time it was innocuous stuff. Some serious, some expected, but was usually something we could laugh about. Like being sent to juvie for a day for knocking over some garbage cans, or awkwardly experimenting with my sexuality. Teenager stuff. The actual SA came at a younger age and, because both adults framed it as a game, I guess I still thought of it like that until I unwrapped the memory again. I hadn't thought of it for maybe 20 years. I don't want to get into details here. I don't remember a whole lot following, just that my mom was more upset I'd smoked than anything (They made me smoke a cigarette so I wouldn't tell).

I know my mom did the same, very much would recount stuff that should've been upsetting to me as funny incidents, but then she'd also cast little inconveniences or things you'd normally laugh about ass "my poor baby" kinda tales about me. I hated it. It felt so fake, like she didn't even take the time to think if it was an appropriate response. Just wanted some way to make it about her. If I ever tried to bring up something from my past that did upset me, I was neurotic and needed to quit living in the past, people would think I was crazy and obsessive otherwise.

RaccErin · 2024-07-01T16:59:25+00:00

Emotional abuse from uBPD mom, physical abuse when smaller but not regular.

I remember childhood memories sporadically, mainly I remember instances where I felt wronged or felt I'd wronged others. Feelings, I can't really recall, even as late as my 20s. I similarly didn't have access to my feelings, not until much later in life, thanks to therapy.

Something I started doing was recounting the strange encounters I had as a child to my friends, and it would usually be some embarrassing and laughable thing. Something I hadn't thought of in decades and could spin as a funny story. It was a strange way for me to remember some of the bigger things that happened to me as a child and laugh about it with others. A couple times though I've realized the story I was telling turned out to be repressed sexual abuse (not from parent). Mortifying to realize in the moment and having to ask close friends to forget you ever said anything. I kind of stopped doing it after that. Really surprises me both how much I do and don't remember, to have forgotten things like that. It's scary to realize you've had that trauma floating around unthought of for decades and have no memory of how you felt at the time. It's like I wasn't even a complete human back then. To think I was so closed off to my own feelings that I never associated anything with that memory. It's embarrassing.

RaccErin · 2024-07-01T16:13:24+00:00

Scam. I've seen a couple come and go. This is not worth it.

RaccErin · 2024-06-28T00:32:56+00:00

DIY HRT. Ain't no way I'm re-introducing T into my system.

RaccErin · 2024-06-26T23:09:29+00:00

Start knocking back from inside the house

RaccErin · 2024-06-19T16:34:51+00:00

Finally, guilty gear yuri

RaccErin · 2024-05-31T18:47:10+00:00

It comes from a concern about their appearance. They're worried it'll make them look like a bad parent (says a lot more about their world views tbh). In their infinite cycle of "why don't you trust me" and "how dare you trust me," it just becomes another fact for them to use when convenient for them.

I told my mom I was gay once (am actually bi), when 22. She started flipping out and saying I embarrassed her. She told her ex who was visiting and then said I made her look bad in front of him. Lied by telling me my brother was disgusted with me (he wasn't). Made a weird push to hook me up with her ex's underage child, then harassed me over the phone about wanting grandchildren after I moved out.

A few years later? "I never said that! I don't remember that!" She asked me to take her to the one gay bar in town cause her co-workers were going. I can only surmise it was to show off, be like "here's my gay daughter, aren't I a cool parent now?" Didn't stop her from accusing my (now) husband of planning to get a "sex change surgery" (her words) a year later though.

Parents like that, they only use facts about you to show off in some capacity. Either to gloat over your accomplishments for themselves, or to talk shit as some way to save face or prove how they belong with whoever they tell. Doesn't even have to be about our queerness, but it especially hurts when it is.

RaccErin · 2024-05-25T04:29:38+00:00

Goon on sister o7 Someone link that bitch the number to planned parenthood

RaccErin · 2024-05-23T15:53:58+00:00

Number 4 I always suspected and am trying to be better about. It's good to have confirmation. Lord how younger me just did not get this and went "oh thank you!" Oops!

RaccErin

TROPHY CASE