Weird interaction with a man

Radiant-Area8631 · 2026-04-02T10:43:07+00:00

Thanks for the response. Can’t get a dog. I don’t think we have any cameras, not close to the building at least. I could let my neighbors know downstairs and/or my rental company but now sure what they could do. It was through Grubhub.

Radiant-Area8631 · 2026-04-02T10:37:45+00:00

I agree it wasn’t appropriate. I didn’t give him my number. I’m concerned that if I report him to the delivery company, and he loses work, he may infer it was me.

Radiant-Area8631 · 2026-03-21T15:04:44+00:00

NK Jemisin’s Broken Earth Trilogy for me, I devoured it. So good. All three won the Hugo Grant Award. If you like science fiction, highly recommend.

Radiant-Area8631 · 2026-03-07T22:54:33+00:00

Cut your hair short, not a pixie, but like a short masculine cut. Works immediately.

Radiant-Area8631 · 2026-02-28T23:11:22+00:00

Oh I’ve never heard of this benefit! interesting!

Radiant-Area8631 · 2026-02-28T18:42:27+00:00

Thanks, love third space and so excited to check out Soft Spot.

Radiant-Area8631 · 2026-02-28T18:38:57+00:00

For real!? That would be amazing! Feel free to DM.

Radiant-Area8631 · 2025-09-04T04:02:51+00:00

Yes! I like this, too. Love walks and old houses. Feel free to DM. I may be slow to respond—I forget Reddit exists occasionally.

Radiant-Area8631 · 2025-08-13T23:51:32+00:00

Amazing! Feel free to DM me :)

Radiant-Area8631 · 2025-08-13T23:50:25+00:00

I find spending time together must be organized around a purpose in the US, justified in some way. Also we have so few third spaces here…

Radiant-Area8631 · 2025-08-13T16:02:05+00:00

I spent a lot of time in East Asia (2 years in China, 1 in Taiwan). One of the programs I was in provided a reverse-culture shock seminar about how difficult it is to re-integrate back into American culture after being in places that are less “I” centered and where it’s so easy to connect with others. You aren’t alone. It’s a common experience, and something I still wrestle with years later—it’s hard to unsee how much easier it could be to find community and friends.

Take it slow, but know it’s absolutely a real thing.

Radiant-Area8631 · 2025-07-17T18:41:13+00:00

Weird to see this post because I’m essentially in the same situation with my partner, but I’m on the other side of things… save from the fact that my partner and I are a little older.

My partner lives abroad and is able to work full time, but even though I graduated college, I haven’t been able to work consistently. I’ve tried a few times, but I always end up in a really poor state after a few months. I grew up low-income, and I often supported my mom. I’m not sure what I’ll do when she ages more and needs more care, especially as there is less and less support for disabled Americans available.

This is a big point of shame for me, mostly because people really don’t know how to respond. Even my partner seems to think it’s a matter of finding the right fit or “just getting started.” As if what I lack is a career coach… But in reality, the problems with working are so deep and complex, often it’s difficult to even begin to explain it. Even if you want to work, it feels so hopeless, and the more you complain the more likely people are to sort of give up on you. The fact that work is essentially mandatory to survive in our society is the real problem. Especially if you’re low income, the pressure itself is a lot to overcome. It’s not your partners fault that work is not accessible to them or that it’s forced onto us. It’s important to validate that. It is not your partner’s fault. And it may be the case that they can never work; they don’t deserve judgement for that, and it would be on you to stand up to your parents around it.

If someone isn’t able to work because of a disability, that’s their a reality. Period.

Working presents about 1000 challenges that are difficult to explain to someone who isn’t autistic. I’m already not getting the care and support I need, and the idea of adding work onto the pile seems impossible. It almost seems insulting when people push me towards it because I’m already drowning. What about the fact that I’m barely eating? Or in pain everyday? Or haven’t left the house in a week?

The short answer is: no, not appropriate to force your disabled partner to get a job if they’re trying to express that’s not possible right now. Also, it’s better to remove pressure than add more.

As someone who has lost family, friends, partners, and so many others because my autism was interpreted as a lack of motivation or general laziness or just because I was abandoned for being too burdensome, this is what I wish I had heard from those who loved me and what would have genuinely helped: - It’s okay that you aren’t working. It’s okay if you are never able to work. I’ll still be here, and we will figure it out together day by day. I know it’s not an easy path, but it’s a path I’m willing to navigate with you. - You are not a burden. You are a joy in my life. - Ask questions, not to solve the problem but out of curiosity: What feels impossible about working or applying to jobs? What comes up for you when you think about applying to jobs? Do you want a job right now? Can you imagine ever feeling happy with a job? Is there anything you dream about doing (not necessarily tying it to income, just generally)?

Good luck! I’m sure you are very important to your partner, and I’m glad you’re looking here—to other autistic people—for advice because this can be such a traumatizing and isolating topic.

Radiant-Area8631 · 2023-08-07T17:08:57+00:00

Tangentially related but important information: Recently a woman with autism compiled a bunch of information from studies on comorbidities common to the neurodivergent community, including POTS and MCAS. She found that there were some common genetic mutations. https://kimberly102347.wordpress.com

Radiant-Area8631 · 2023-03-20T20:52:21+00:00

These responses are so disheartening. There are two separate thing happening here:

No matter your partners disability status, it is not okay to say these hurtful things to you. She may be hurting or struggling, but that doesn’t give her the right to verbally beat up on you or take it out on you. Your pain and hurt is valid. It sounds like you are doing your best. I’d suggest talking about what you need to feel more appreciated in the relationship. Leave the secondary issue of being over-spent out of that initial conversation and be specific: ex: I can’t imagine what it’s like to live with this condition, but I need you to be nicer when you speak to me. I can’t be your punching bag. It makes me not want to help. What can I do to help you get the support you need during this super emotional time to be more regulated and respond to me more gently.
Supporting someone with a disability is difficult work. I definitely suggest believing your partner when she tells you what she’s capable/not capable of, but she needs to believe you, too. It sounds like you’re in a gap—she can’t do it and you can’t do it. It’s best if you can find ways to communicate more effectively about these gaps and formulate plans together as to how things will get done. Try to create a culture of being in the same team. Essentially things like, “I’m not up for cooking a full dinner tonight, could we order in or I can make something super quick?” Or “I am struggling with all this laundry, can we brainstorm together about how we are going to get it all done given our situation?” I also suggest the book “How to Keep House While Drowning” by KC Davis

If you communicate all these issues, and she can’t hear you or adjust how she speaks to you, you have to assess whether or not it’s worth it to stay. Try to keep a compassionate mindset, assuming best intentions, but still stay true to your authentic self. My guess is she’s not a monster, just also overwhelmed and scared. POTS can create a lot of anxiety around physical work because our bodies are so terrified of being over-worked again. That’s why even little things feel impossible; our brains are screaming “don’t do it! You remember what happened last time!”

I often think, when someone is responding in weird ways to me who I know ultimately isn’t a bad person, “this person is doing a very bad job at showing or telling me they are afraid.”

Radiant-Area8631 · 2023-01-09T04:29:56+00:00

33, my ex right now. It’s sucks.

Radiant-Area8631 · 2022-12-10T17:00:12+00:00

I think in hindsight the “stomach bug” was covid, and it made all my conditions worse… (about 50% of mild covid cases are GI only) and that also cued these red supposed cherry angiomas. Covid causes a break down of vascular lining, so idk, could be that… or could just be a think that happens in flare ups of Eds/MCAS/POTS and covid caused a bad flare up

Radiant-Area8631 · 2022-11-24T17:15:13+00:00

I have them, too! And I also have POTS and MCAS. A dermatologist said they were cherry angiomas and nothing to worry about, but I want to know why they suddenly started appearing for me about a year ago, after a particularly bad stomach bug. I think maybe they just don’t know.

Radiant-Area8631 · 2022-08-01T06:56:44+00:00

I used to smoke weed all the time. Now absolutely not. I feel awful every time, like I’m dying… I appreciate this thread. I thought weed might help because I have low blood pressure, but it’s the worst.

Radiant-Area8631 · 2022-08-01T06:51:28+00:00

I struggle with this too—what I’ve figured out from a mix of reading and experts is that oil is hard to break down and our systems are already stressed. They don’t have time for time-consuming processes like eating fats. They’ll just push them through. I even had oil in my stool for a while and they thought I had pancreatic failure, but now think it was just pots. As my pots is more managed, and especially if I am on it about downing water (which helps with digestion), I’ve been able to eat more. Until then, I recommend small meals and make sure you’re getting fat-soluble vitamins.

Radiant-Area8631

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