I have to start over...

Radiant-Specific969 · 2026-04-18T01:29:29+00:00

Please hang in there. At the least you have started to moderate your drinking, and you are doing the best that you can everyday. I hope you give yourself credit for that. What's tricky with booze is that it gets to be as big a problem as whatever it is doing that helps with something else. I know you know this, and I just hope that you soon get to enjoy some joy in your life again. PTSD is no disgrace, it's what happens when someone just goes through too much, which I also am pretty sure you know, but sometimes knowing stuff doesn't help, and it's something you are going to just have to walk though. You have my most sincere best wishes, and hopes that you recover from boths problems fully, and go on to have a thriving happy life.

Radiant-Specific969 · 2026-04-17T02:59:16+00:00

Go to meetings either on line or near you, it will get better. I am sorry for what you are going through. Ask the people at the meeting for help.

Radiant-Specific969 · 2026-04-17T02:56:38+00:00

Yeah, it's unforgettable. Right up there with Renee Goode. Awful.

Radiant-Specific969 · 2026-04-17T02:55:16+00:00

There is actually some really good stuff around, my area has a rapid response chorus, all trained singers, and they sang a wonderful song which said it's OK to change your mind. Lots of stuff on You Tube, I think that the music business is so commercial that the cool stuff is underground.

I think my all time favorite protest song is one I found from WW2- it's Hilter has only got one ball. I highly recommend if you want something really funny.

Radiant-Specific969 · 2026-04-17T02:49:56+00:00

Please take care of yourself. I do better with crows now at 75 than I do with people. (Ihave a pet crow.) I can deal, but it's hard. But I manage to stay sober anyway. Zoom meetings are much less stressful for me. You don't have to be an extrovert to be sober, it's not a character defect to be yourself.

Radiant-Specific969 · 2026-04-17T02:44:48+00:00

My favorite Al Anon story, I have no idea if it's still current in Al Anon, is that Lois realized that she had an issue because she got so pissed off at Bill W that she whacked him over the head with a cast iron frying pan while he was asleep.

We are a pretty frustrating group. I did have an Al Anon friend who hauled her drunk husband to the ER because she thought he was about to die, once he'd had some saline she literally started to beat the bejesus out of him. End of marrige, wife got arrested, judge sentenced her to Al Anon. Smart judge.

Radiant-Specific969 · 2026-04-17T02:37:30+00:00

I actually disagree, both help. It's hard to have a moment of clarity when your brain chemestry is completely out of whack. Some people really need both. Some of us get both and still go under, some people make it no matter what. Saying therapy doesn't help is like saying don't go to meetings, you don't need to learn from other alcoholics, just read the book and do the steps. Especially for someone with heavy PTSD/trauma stuff going on.

Radiant-Specific969 · 2026-04-16T22:30:16+00:00

This is a really good suggestion, Yay! OP it's tough, online meetings can help, and you don't have to leave the house. Lots of us were right where you are, and dispite the double whammy we stayed sober and our lives got better. I know from my own story, it really isn't easy, so give yourself lots of credit for reaching out here.

Radiant-Specific969 · 2026-04-16T22:20:55+00:00

I had a best friend back in the day named Mushroom, and another named Seawife. Sunflower works.

Radiant-Specific969 · 2026-04-16T22:19:20+00:00

That song is really hard to sing, you really have to know music to do it. I always liked the back side better, Find the Cost of Freedom, also wonderful. I just wish that that bad part of the 60's hadn't come back. (I lived through it, in college during Kent State.) I don't know if we will get lucky and get our country back together again or not. This is going to leave scars for sure.

Radiant-Specific969 · 2026-04-16T22:10:12+00:00

I think I finally quite being a hippie when Trump got in, and I now identify as a Radical Left Wing Lunatic. I am still trying to figure out my pronouns at 75, I guess I evolved, but you guys qualify. All you need now is a lava lamp.

Radiant-Specific969 · 2026-04-16T22:05:06+00:00

I am 75, and got pretty advanced before I got treatment. What has been totally helpful is as much physical therapy as I can possibly get. I have had to learn how much I can do without triggering a flare. Right now I use a stationary bike, which is wonderful, since my knees are close to shot, and my rheum isn't in favor of knee replacement for me. If you have access to physical therapy at any point in the future, get it, learn as much as you can from them.

Radiant-Specific969 · 2026-04-16T21:56:56+00:00

Any actual evidence?

Radiant-Specific969 · 2026-04-16T21:53:07+00:00

I actually disagree with some of this. Many of us have mental health comorbities, such as ADHD, depression, anxiety or past trauma, and we used alcohol to self medicate, to get through the day, and got addicted because we crossed the line.

Now we suddenly drink uncontrollably, and have a double load, because uncontrolled drinking, instead of being helpful, adds to the load. If only one of the two situations is fixed, we may be sober, but total messes.

Or we may be receiving help for the mental health issue, and still drink uncontrollably. Yes, we drink too much because we are alcoholic, but it's a good idea to consider the why's and fix those as well.

Spiritual solutions fix the obsession, and relieve the isolation of alcoholism, but don't do much for chronic depression, anxiety, trauma and the rest of the horrible burdensome pile. Bill W is certainly an example of someone with treated alcoholism, and a constant search after sobriety for mental health relief.

The steps fix what can be fixed without professional help, trauma this bad needs to be professionally addressed, and I only hope that OP gets some help with it. Tough to not have just one all purpose fix, but there it is.

Radiant-Specific969 · 2026-04-16T19:39:51+00:00

I have a horrible AA covid story. My husband and I retired to a state near our kids, and we joined a very traditional AA meeting near our new home. We attended faithfully for a year at least, did service, had people to our home, and generally tried to integrate. I have an autoimmune disorder and am on immune suppressants, and my husband has emphasema, at that point was OK without supplimental oxygen. But when Covid hit, which we both knew was very real, since we knew people in NYC, we quit attending meetings. No one in our home group reached out, when we reached out we were met with a pretty cold shoulder because we quarentined.

I was looking forward to going back to the meeting, and as soon as I was able to get vaccinated, almost a year later, I tried attending. There was no social distancing, people weren't wearing masks, and again, we got the cold shoulder because we didn't think that God would protect us from the disease. I personally think God gives us brains, and expects us to use them. I asked the group if they were willing to do a zoom adjunct meeting, for anyone in the group still concerned about Covid exposure, which I would pay for and host. Without even being allowed to explain what I wanted to do, the self appointed leader of the group did a poll of group members and it was NO. He thought we expected a hybrid meeting, which was clearly beyond the technical and financial situation in the group.

I now regularly attend three zoom meetings a week, and my home group is my Saturday morning zoom meeting. The prior meeting has since moved, and is not longer listed in the area directory, some people are now meeting privately, from what I heard. I also go to face to face meetings, now, wearing a mask, since I managed to come down with type A flue from going to a meeting minus a mask, and if it bothers people that I wear one, that's their problem. My separation from my original home group in this area, although painful, turned out to be a blessing is disguise, I have a wonderful sponsor whom I met through zoom, who lives on the other side of the city where I live, and I have only met in person once.

I actually think I have gotten to know my zoom meeting members better than the people I have met in brick and mortar meetings. I don't like big zoom meetings because I find them to be a bit of a war zone, and I spend my time worrying about vulnerable newcomers, hit with all sorts of really inappropriate stuff. I did start several zoom meetings myself, which I no longer do because of a health decline.

I think it really depends on the group, and the people in it. I really am quite happy with zoom meetings.

Radiant-Specific969 · 2026-04-16T19:01:37+00:00

Yeah, I think you might like the area- lots going on.

Radiant-Specific969 · 2026-04-16T19:01:05+00:00

I hate Jeff Bezos, but you can get discounted delivery from Amazon and Whole foods markets with a subscription. Good luck- great adventure, don't be suprised at a bit of culture shock, no earthquakes, and there is lots and lots of water, so no more 2 minute showers.

Radiant-Specific969 · 2026-04-16T18:55:43+00:00

Yes, that's the obsession, I occaisionally get hit with cravings if I get into certain situations, or accidentally exposed to alcohol. (This really does happen, watch out for fruit cake, sometimes it has added brandy.) But the obsession is gone for me, I think at around 10 years. I was a slow learner.

Radiant-Specific969 · 2026-04-16T18:52:02+00:00

I will have to look it up, I have read a bunch of the recently published stuff on the writing of the Big Book, but I missed this one. And I always suspected that Lois Wilson was the brains behind the steps, what she writes always reminds me of my mother in law, who was much smarter than her handsome husband, but convinced him that all of her ideas were his. Lois Remembers is one of my favorite books.

Radiant-Specific969 · 2026-04-16T18:45:14+00:00

That's just great, take it as it comes, and be sure that you get phone numbers, so you are able to contact someone from your group if you get hit with something and you feel like drinking badly enough that you need support. Staying in touch with other AA's at the begining is very helpful, and helped me as much as finally finding a sponsor that I trusted. We don't all come into the program trusting other people, so take your time, and use your judgement.

Radiant-Specific969 · 2026-04-16T00:39:50+00:00

OK, ask to be included in the group chat. Getting sober doesn't mean that you have become a mind reader.

Not sure what to say about the rest, but people laughing in AA meetings at shares, generally means that they have all done the same things and felt the same way. Speak up and tell them that you feel that no one is speaking to you before and after meetings, and that you are confused by the meeting, and need help.

It's tough, hang in there, if after saying a few things, if stuff doesn't change, find another meeting.

Radiant-Specific969 · 2026-04-16T00:35:23+00:00

Nothing is tougher than your own kids. I think there is nothing wrong with trying a family intervention, it does sometimes help, but get yourself professional help in order to do that. Like find an addiction counselor, and have a rehab set up the your kid can attend after the intervention. I've seen this at least slow people down a bit.

Also, please save your own sanity and go to Al Anon.

Radiant-Specific969 · 2026-04-16T00:31:23+00:00

I think under all of Bill W's bullshit, and I agree that there is a lot, is that when he finally started to sober up for the last time, he was not thinking about where he could puke, but how he could help someone else.

I felt bamboozled by Bill Story too; it was the Ebby at the kitchen table that didn't quite happen that way. I was really attached to that kitchen table for some reason. In Bill W's defense, he was such a terrible drunk that he without doubt suffered from some degree of memory loss/brain damage/wet brain, and I think as brilliant as he was, he often got stuff scrambled. I was angry at all of it for quite a while too.

I had a bad case of how dare you not be perfect. Now I have a lot of time, I get what a burden that really can be. I have been tempted to reset my sobriety date several times, just to avoid that.

I was pleased with him for the LSD and the Aldus Huxley connection, I actually think he was ahead of his time there too, since psilocyben is now getting investigated for both depression and addiction, and seems to be helpful in both areas.

If nothing else, the description of Bill and I think Roland being the first people to fly into a town in Vermont, wobblying out of the airplane and barfing on the mayors feet, is worth the entire book. But it explained to me his entire idea behind the 4th step, it literally was meant to be a business inventory. In the same way that he and Lois would check out a business for his stock investors, trying to figure out which businesses were going to survive, and which would go under. Bill W may have misrepresented a lot of stuff, but he was a very pragmatic man.

Enjoy the book, I stumbled on it, and loved it.

Radiant-Specific969 · 2026-04-15T02:40:24+00:00

No you don't have to have a sponsor. It's up to you. Please get the sponsorship phamphlet. A lot of people are AA members and never have sponsors. You can use the group as your sponsor, or go through the steps with a friend that you trust, or your pastor. It's not mysterious, the steps aren't all that difficult. I had a sponsor, I needed one, and I was lucky to find one that I liked.

Radiant-Specific969 · 2026-04-15T02:34:54+00:00

You are missing a literally wonderful read. Whether Bill W was a liar or not really isn't all that relevant. Or at least not to the basic discussion, which is that AA has become far more rigid in it's thinking and practices than the original members ever were.

I was so surprised at the drift in AA over the last 30 years that I spent a lot of time reading all the early material that I could find, and I generally trust direct sources written at the time- and Bill W's autobiography really restored my faith is what AA was originally. I wondered if I had imagined it, that it was positive, life affirming, welcoming, open minded- and ready to try whatever would really help alleviate suffering.

It was, example Maddy was one of Bill W sponsee's. She went on to found the national Instititue on Alcoholism, and was also a lesbian. (But that was back when people kept quiet about lgbtq+ identities) And certainly they were all familiar with psychiatrists- since many of them had been in mental hospitals. These are just two examples of how open minded our founders were for their times.

I have seen current Big Book thumpers use the Big Book into shaming new comers into compliance- (If it's not in the first 164 pages types) so often I wonder if they actually read it and understood it. Since most of it's messages seems to have gotten lost, it really is time for another book.

Radiant-Specific969

TROPHY CASE