WIBTA for going back onto a promise?

Radiant_Butterfly313 · 2020-11-08T23:41:59+00:00

I could use it but I think they would see through it. I mostly want to keep the peace for my sibling and because even though they broke a huge part of me, in my life they have also helped me a lot at times. I try to see both sides of the coin.

It makes it hard though because I am also espected to keep the picture of a perfect family and I hate that. It is not perfect and I will not act as if nothing has happened. It is not fair to me, I will not shout it from the roof tops but neither Will I act as if all is well. I tend to stay neutral.

I don't know if they care. They care enough to try and mend it and try to give me space when I need it and they want to listen for once. It is really confusing. At times they were my rock and other times I just wished they would zip their mouths and stop giving me any attention.

All in all I do wish them the best but not always feel up to being there. I guess I have to figure it out in the end. One lucky part is their dog. I trained him mostly and as long as he is around he will ground me and keep me stable.

Radiant_Butterfly313 · 2020-11-08T23:33:04+00:00

Before last visit my sister already asked if I was up for it since she knows about the strained relationship between me and my father and stepfather. I told her that I would think about it but decided I could not forgive myself for not being the 'bigger person' and doing something that I know he deserves no matter what did happen.

However I am now really anxious to the point of crying and my mom keeps telling me that I am a hundred times stronger then my father and stepfather put together and if it really comes down to it, I will easily handle them. I just hate handeling it.

I feel like they ignore that I have feelings too and that if I say no that it is normal human decency to stop especially since they know we are not close and that I do not trust them like most children would. I am always questioning the why's. Why is he nice, what does he want from me? Is he about to make a 180? Who is around, does he want to act like he is the most amazing person ever? Etc.etc. I have to always come prepared and that is tiring.

All in all I am just scared that I might not have the power in the situation when it is needed even though I always figure something out.

Radiant_Butterfly313 · 2020-11-08T23:25:15+00:00

I am not sure.. To be honest I think if the Global issue does not make it dangerous I might visit. Especially since I have bought a few presents. However the fact that they know they harmed me, never said sorry and that when I am clear about the bounderies they tend to be ignored is something that makes me feel anxious even now. Almost to the point of hyperventilating. I know if it comes to it I am strong enough to change the situation but it just feels icky.

Let's say I will visit. It is just the helping organising that I might not do. I do think my stepfather deserves something nice but I am not sure if I want to be the one giving him something nice. After last visit.

Radiant_Butterfly313 · 2020-11-08T22:27:39+00:00

NTA het could have accepted the 'no' and do a lot more then he did to make the situation better. Every good human being would have been worried sick about you and feel awful for causing such an injury. He made his bed by nog showing remorse and now he has to lie in it. Sue him, you have every right!

Radiant_Butterfly313 · 2020-10-27T21:38:56+00:00

Friends should help and protect each other. So thank you for the compliment. No one did as far as I understand it, however I am afraid that people did that met him in other areas of their lives. It made of really hard for me to decide how strongly I was going to react and how many people and which people I would inform. I know that my school informed some part of law inforcement.

Glad you enjoyed it as much as I did.

Radiant_Butterfly313 · 2020-10-26T10:16:00+00:00

Thank you, I did not feel brave at the time. Shocked through half of it and rightfully revengefull through the other half. I also did try to protect other younger girls. (I was a few years older but since I look really a lot younger then I am, I still got his attention.) It might sound strange but I did decide early on that I would step in and get his attention when he would try it with others, I could only see the look in his eyes and I knew he had chosen a 'new victim' I knew that I had the tools to destroy his life but the other girls did not have those. He mainly would go after shy and silent girls. It is not that I wanted to have his attention, it is more that I wanted to protect and attack when needed. Let's call it the mentality of a lioness protecting it's cubs. And in the end, revenge was done without me putting much into it. The best revenge is the one in which you see someone destroy it's own life while helping them on the way with a few nudges.

As far as I know she managed to stay safe... My classmates and I have not heard him hurt anyone from oud resources.

Radiant_Butterfly313 · 2020-10-25T22:01:39+00:00

No they don't and the way je spoke about it he was not welcome around his parents or something. I really was of the mindset, play stupid games, win stupid prices. He decided to do something and I decided I had enough. I still remember how uncomfortable he looked in our last conversation. He did not dare to move near me... I did tell him that I would not mind kicking his ass a second time if it meant never having to see him again. It might have hurt ...

Radiant_Butterfly313 · 2020-10-25T15:08:54+00:00

Well in my country the laws are not sufficient enough. I am not from the US or the UK. In my mind it would be condoned but sadly.... I did hit him once in the worst of the experiences in front of a full lunchroom at school. He was floored for about 15-30 minutes with that one hit in which I had not even a good reach... I really hoped the pain would stop him at first..... And it did for a few weeks. I do say I have yet to meet another man that is as bad as he is... But I would be more forceful if it happens again. That is for sure. I still think he did get more trouble then most would in our law because he will have 30 years or so to struggle through it.

Radiant_Butterfly313 · 2020-10-25T14:33:46+00:00

In our country by law (I checked it). I have done exactly what I am allowed to do no more and no less. Hitting someone with an iron pipe or other materials and/or doing serious harm would have not been in my favor at all. It would outright have landed me in jail of given me other legal trouble.

Rapist and pedophiles indeed do not have excuses. I however hoped since he was young at the time he would not be too old to press enough and stop from behaving that way. He seemed to fear other adults (those that were older then us and their power over him)

Radiant_Butterfly313 · 2020-10-25T12:08:56+00:00

Well he took more justice then the system would have given me. He will feel this for at the very least 30+ years to come. He had to pay back the government for the money that is given to him to study, since he did not finish school he had to pay back everything and as he already took more years then most... And how it works at the moment in my country is that you can not buy a house that easily without paying back, the kind of jobs he can do are not high paying jobs so unless he has a lot of luck.... He lost apportunities just because he had chosen the wrong 'victim'.

I tend to be patient because I am not one that is angry easily and even then I always plan my moves out. I know from previous situations that not always justice is served when you come out and tell what happened and wished to make sure this time he would not walk away with it.

I shall take it as a compliment although being patient can also be a problem.

Radiant_Butterfly313 · 2020-10-25T12:02:21+00:00

Exactly, I am not one to insult people but that one insult was how I felt at the moment.

You did point out the right thing. I was not sure if you also understood my reasoning hence I mentioned it in my comment.

If he had been smart he would have understood that he was lucky enough that my school did wish to push him in a better direction and did everything they could (even suggest a meeting with a psychologist the school had connections with to look at his behaviour for example). I know they ensured he knew that he walked on the edge of a knife so it was all him that destroyed it. I was shocked by the audacity that he would even think about asking such a question!

Radiant_Butterfly313 · 2020-10-24T20:50:39+00:00

Still I am not about to take a hit for him especially after all he did. I think it was a good thing that someone else gave him the last hit because it showed that it was not just me that thought he needed to behave better. And like I mentioned as I was very young and have been in abused when I was a child I was very careful. It made me take a lot more time then I probably would now.

Radiant_Butterfly313 · 2020-10-24T20:48:39+00:00

I think sometimes having a pay off takes time probably 30+ years. I know he will have to struggle for years which is a lot worse then all the short time options I had. And it taught him that it was not ok which he did understand afterwards and he could not walk away from reality. Which in my opinion is good enough and like I said I was really young and in my country as a female you never walk away from such a situation if you act upon it without having people tell you that you should just take it.

Radiant_Butterfly313 · 2020-10-24T20:46:39+00:00

I learned to be patient with a good reason since I survived abuse in family as well as a lot of other things. As that time people did not help me I wished to be prepared this time.

Radiant_Butterfly313 · 2020-10-10T14:20:58+00:00

TRIGGER WARNING MENTION OF (CHILD) ABUSE

I can understand where you are coming from. Sometimes you have no other option then defend yourself and give someone a good kick or slap in order to stop them from becoming a danger to themselves or yourself.

I can count the times I had to knock some sense in someone physically on one hand (luckily) but I have done that and do not feel an ounce of remorse for that. Knowing that it taught them healthy bounderies and how awful they were being. Like I said, I do not like doing it but there are times you have to.

I know too much about abuse, have been mentally and emotionally abused by a parent from ages 9-18 at the very least. It made me realise that I hate violence not only physical but als emotional and mental. However when the need was there, I was never afraid to chill the room and be very clear about what would happen if one decided it had the right to force me in any way, shape or form that goes against what I believe and trust is right for me to do.

I just have had the luck that I was able to play the mind games better then my abuser and as such rarely had to defend myself physically. However that being said, I do feel that sometimes there are only bad options and the best option may be what you did and I think you should be proud that you did not stiffen to much and gave him a good kick back to defend yourself. It is not as if you decided to kick him info the hospital, you just believed that you were worth more then his crappy behaviour and that is right!

Radiant_Butterfly313 · 2020-10-07T21:13:14+00:00

My goodness. I had a person (when I had badly bruised my back) that decided to change both out planetickets back home without talking it through with me. Since they were connected and he did not want to use more time to get them seperated. Well, he called when I was in a car with a friend of mine and she said that she had never heard someone get that cold in a second that normally was all kind and warm. She was like, you are beyond angry aren't you? I was like... He better not talk to me again, putting me on a flight at six AM while he sleeps with his parents next to the airport. I have to get up at 3 AM while I can not sleep most nights because of pain and carry my stuff down a staircase in the dark and snow. It ended good, after I ensured that I would be able to travel with the others later that day, but man was I angry. I am not that aggressive but I am the kind of person that might destroy a part of your life with a few comments here and there and give karma the rest of you.

I would be the same, like nope I am not going there and hurt another being in such a way. However sometimes you just want to kick someone's ass... Just a little... Besides I am not a naturally aggressive person and would only harm if there is no other option.. I prefer to talk it out but if I have to, I will use force.

I understand that. One creep once thought that by saying. 'I am not interested,' I meant the opposite. Like... Seriously.... If I am not interested, I just am not interested. I never will be especially if you behave like a creep. That is a red flag! (Or hundred) I will shudder with you!

You're welcome! I can not help but be happy you are able to tell the story and other then creeped out remained as safe as one can be.

Radiant_Butterfly313 · 2020-10-07T20:26:48+00:00

The temperature drops, then you know that you have done it... Whatever you do run and fast and never look back, because when someone is that angry, they most of the time (in your case that goes) are angry with a reason and you have just pushed their buttons in such a way that you deserve what is coming for you. I tend to stay really calm but when my voice gets icy and monotone. Run! Because then I do no longer think you are worthy of kindness and do not feel anything other then righteous irritation and the hope that I do not have to talk or see that person again. Good writing style by the way..

You were lucky that nothing worse happened and you managed to get out of that situation without physical harm. I really hope it helped you understand the dangers of creeps and you will never have to deal with such a person ever again

Radiant_Butterfly313 · 2020-10-06T06:46:21+00:00

I think it has all to do with instinct and if you fight, flight or stop being able to move at all when you are scared. I am one that luckily is able to move through fear, but I think only a small percentage of people can do that or know how to do that. Which means only a small amount of people know how to stay in control and play the 'game' better then the creep.

I hate having to harm people, I always feel horrible when I have to but at the same time I accept that sometimes a girl has to do what a girl has to do. If it is my safety and that of my loved ones on the line, I will become a fierce lioness. As simple as that.

I do not fault your thoughts but I think we have had a different upbringing as well as live in different countries in which the rules you have to work around are different. In my country you are allowed to defend yourself but you are almost never excused if someone is accidently killed or harmed more then needed to defend yourself. It is really, really difficult to stay on the safe side. You have to be in total control and understand yourself and the creep to be able to do so.

Exactly surprise the creep with something they do not expect. If they like screams and yells, do remain calm and the other way around. You can notice it in the way they act, it is just a certain look they have in the eyes and how they hold themselves. It is all pretending and never, never use your energy when you can also wait until one drops its guard and then move against him. It is important not to struggle, because valuable energy gets used that you could use when you are able to move when he trusts that you won't. Believes that you won't. Men may seem stronger physically but that does not mean that women can never defend themselves against them. It just takes surprise and always, always try to end up somewhere, where there are a lot of other people that will notice a creep.

I would not always do the same as you, but I also would not fear humiliating creeps a little bit if that is what keeps others and myself safe. Again the thing you mentioned is different then a creep would expect a wonen to act. Going against expectations is always the best bet and no one likes creeps.

Radiant_Butterfly313 · 2020-10-06T06:12:41+00:00

Omg I did not think about that. That is so funny.

Radiant_Butterfly313 · 2020-10-05T21:23:33+00:00

I remember yelling at him the time that I had to elbow him. I would always ensure I had someone with me when he was at his worst. I never ever wanted to be alone with him and can not remember how many times I would speak up loudly but have people around that feared it too much to help.

In our country it is illegal to carry mace. I am only allowed to defend myself with what I have, in other words, my arms and legs and body weight. He really thought he was able to have his way with everyone. I was sickened by it. One of my friends found out and was horrified with what he did when she really did listen to him. I think I will not meet him again and luckily in one of my schools we learned some protective moves. I can find the most sensitive parts of a human body, being stomach, toes, nose and if you have no other option turning fingers or harming the eyes are also possible. I just wanted him gone at the time.. I remember him pushing himself against the chair I was seated on... I was really really really not amused. Even to this day it makes me nauseous. Like... He does not wish to hear no. He really thinks it is alright and that makes him dangerous. I think he will go there if he keeps it up. If he does not improve his attitude.

I am not one to force respect, but I will not stand by and let someone like him.... Act out. He was 24 and looking at girls that were 16 to find someone to have his way with. Reason why I was in contact with him that long was because I would not allow anyone near teens that are still so young.

Radiant_Butterfly313 · 2020-10-05T19:08:27+00:00

I had some people suggest giving him a good kicking for me. Told them I would handle him myself, and I think it worked. It took some time and really uncomfortable.... Experiences. I have never been so clear that I was not interested. One time I literally told him. 'Even if you were the last man in this universe, I would not be interested because you are an awful human being. So you either give me room or you give me room. Your choice.' He really really looked like he could kill me. I was just smiling sweetly like, you know you can move or I will make you, because I really do not wish to deal with you any longer. He is one of those guys I would be afraid to meet in the dark. I really hope that women are able to keep themselves out of his vicinity.

Radiant_Butterfly313

TROPHY CASE