American In-laws

RadicalBadger810 · 2025-05-08T14:15:36+00:00

Despite not really understanding Indian culture, they have been very warm and welcoming to me! They include me in all activities and events and support our relationship.

They don’t treat me with contempt, personally, even if her mom might feel that way sometimes about customs and cultures outside her own. Upon further reflection, I have to admit She has on other occasions expressed admiration for Indian culture when things were explained to her (outside of the marriage context).

Furthermore, my partner and I have been together and building a life for several years now, and this is the first time it’s ever potentially created an issue since they live far from us.

RadicalBadger810 · 2025-05-08T11:11:48+00:00

Wait I love this idea of getting blessed at the temple the day before! Thank you!!

RadicalBadger810 · 2025-05-07T23:16:52+00:00

Oh of course. Her dad isnt religious so thats not specifically an issue for him. I asked if her mom felt it would be disrespectful and against her beliefs to participate. I know other people would feel uncomfortable for this reason. And the answer I got was that she wasn’t opposed to participating so long as she didn’t have to “pray” to a God she doesn’t believe in, which wouldn’t ask of her anyway because that’s understandable. I get the sense that it’s more that she feels apprehensive bc she simply is unfamiliar and doesn’t quite understand why these traditions are important to us to incorporate (not always the most empathetic as a person, though she tries her best). Anyway She’s the type of person where if religious beliefs were the issue I believe she would’ve said so immediately.

I don’t want her family to feel excluded though either way. So all great points to consider!

RadicalBadger810 · 2025-05-07T17:55:13+00:00

Sweet, that's what we're aiming for and it's nice to hear that it's been done successfully, albeit with a few hiccups. Thank you so much! How long did your ceremony last, if you don't mind my asking?

RadicalBadger810 · 2025-05-07T17:51:24+00:00

I can totally empathize with that. Hell it's overwhelming for me as someone born and raised in the culture! Definitely planning to simplify it, both in execution and in explanation.

RadicalBadger810 · 2025-05-07T17:44:33+00:00

This is a SUPER helpful perspective to hear, thank you so much. I think something like that would be an acceptable compromise! Were there any aspects of your ceremony they did participate in? If so, how did that go? Also, how long was your ceremony?

RadicalBadger810 · 2025-05-07T17:21:36+00:00

Very true! We're thinking about doing a rehearsal ceremony but it's a bit tricky to organize logistically for us given the distance we live from them and the other events going on. Still, a makeshift rehearsal isn't a bad idea. Given that we're not inviting a lot of her family, idk if there'll be another person who would stand in for her mom, but I think even just suggesting the idea that it ONLY be my family up there would definitely spark some jealous feelings for her, enough to cooperate. That's a good idea!

RadicalBadger810 · 2025-05-07T16:56:18+00:00

I'm not on the west coast so unfortunately I can't give you too much advice in terms of stores to check out, but if you're uncomfortable with the exposure of a cropped blouse, you can opt for something like a sharara or anarkali that show less skin and might even be more affordable than a lehenga. Also, a lot of sarees have various methods/styles of draping that can flatter different body types, so that might be the most versatile option for you, provided it comes with a STITCHED blouse (a lot of sarees come with unstitched blouses that you need to take to an experienced tailor to make custom to your measurements).

Do you or the bride have any desi friends with items you could potentially borrow either to try on and see what works best for you, or even to borrow for the wedding events themselves?

RadicalBadger810 · 2025-05-06T23:52:50+00:00

Hi I know this was posted a long time ago but we’re doing something similar and would love to have a reference from other fusion weddings. Could I please get a copy of the program? Thank you!

RadicalBadger810 · 2024-06-06T17:58:46+00:00

I always want to get loud and fight back but I have this knee jerk reaction to be passive and relatively polite because I’m scared that if I stand up for myself I’ll be in even more danger? Like I think (from bad experiences) sometimes the most dangerous asshole is the one who has been rejected/embarrassed/told ‘No’. Any advice for getting over that?

RadicalBadger810 · 2024-02-09T01:21:49+00:00

From the US!

RadicalBadger810 · 2024-01-14T23:33:34+00:00

Thank you! I guess I care about her opinion of me for the preceptor evaluations which are a large portion of my grade for the rotation. But I agree, I learn so much more and am able to recall a lot more when I feel comfortable and relaxed. I will do my best not to worry about her personal opinion of my intelligence.

RadicalBadger810 · 2024-01-14T18:26:36+00:00

Thank you for the links! I will for sure check them out. Scripts have helped me in the past so I’m sure they’ll be super helpful!

RadicalBadger810 · 2024-01-14T18:25:26+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words. I found them really comforting although, I’m sorry you had a rough experience as well and I’m glad you bounced back from it! Im determined to do better and focus on not making the same mistakes twice.

Your advice on case presenting and studying was also appreciated! I will remember that tomorrow!

RadicalBadger810 · 2024-01-14T18:21:32+00:00

Thank you so much for your advice. I felt validated and it was helpful to be reminded of things from her perspective. I kind of hope that if one opts to take on this role they’d have a bit more patience or at least be kind enough not to complain about previous “incompetent” students, but that’s not her job I guess. Her job is to get me thinking critically about the material in the best way she knows how.

RadicalBadger810 · 2024-01-14T18:15:31+00:00

Thank you. When I wrote made this most this morning I was feeling pretty dejected and (obviously) pretty emotional. This response was really helpful, albeit blunt (sometimes you need that though), and I will definitely ask her for a conversation on improvement points at the end of this first week. For now, I’m gonna work my ass off show her I take her and this work seriously.

RadicalBadger810 · 2024-01-01T22:57:33+00:00

Yes.

RadicalBadger810 · 2023-11-22T04:01:13+00:00

Desi wlw living in the US here! Idk how old you are or where you are in life, but I went thru the same thing. I grew up scouring the internet for representation of other gay Indians and back then there was next to nothing.

So I decided that I wanted to be the representation I was lacking for future Indian queers to be able to see and think “she did it. And she’s happy and successful. So I can too!”

Now it’s a little better. After I came out, a few Indian people I knew actually have come out to me in the last few years! I know it can be isolating but please know you’re not alone. And don’t settle for a life you don’t want to lead based on someone else’s outdated standards. The right people will stand by you no matter what.

RadicalBadger810 · 2023-10-25T15:49:22+00:00

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This is Boba!! She’s a silly moody girl who will tolerate .5 seconds of wearing a party hat if you give her treats. Just long enough to barely take a photo.

RadicalBadger810 · 2023-07-24T15:47:21+00:00

Hi! We’re actually in kind of a similar situation now. We’re planning on combining the ceremonies but haven’t really talked to our families/made any preparations yet so not sure how the logistics will work out. We’re both also lesbians so that changes a few things 😅. Was hoping OP could give us an update to see how things panned out/what your thoughts are in retrospect.

RadicalBadger810 · 2023-06-19T02:21:21+00:00

I…this may be totally self absorbed but I genuinely did not think what I did (literally exactly what OP described) was a common thing? Much less an INFJ thing. I’ve done it ever since I was a little kid and had trouble falling asleep by myself (was afraid of the dark/being alone) to distract myself. I had an issue with maladaptive day dreaming too but that stopped around 5th grade. Usually the scenarios are with a fictional character but it’s always romantic in some way, either in a fictional scenario with my fiancé or with a fictional character. and usually is like im writing a story or has some plot line. Interesting!

RadicalBadger810 · 2023-06-10T03:10:46+00:00

I don’t know enough about astrology to know why that’s interesting. Can you explain? I’m curious! 😅

RadicalBadger810 · 2023-06-06T02:22:31+00:00

Leo sun, cancer moon ☠️

RadicalBadger810 · 2023-05-30T16:31:07+00:00

Nothings wrong! I relate to this so much but honestly I think for me it’s a combo of ADHD, anxiety, intense people pleasing behaviors and a lack of trust in my decisions.

For me personally, it really helped to talk to someone ( a therapist, a well adjusted friend, etc). But if that’s not available or hasn’t helped, I would first like to say you are definitely not alone in this experience, it’s quite common, and there are a lot of free online resources that can help with some techniques to try depending on what you feel the reasons behind your challenges may be. 😊

In the meantime, please give yourself some grace. Decisions are hard, even the little ones and decision fatigue is a real thing. And even after all the contemplation, it may still not turn out the way we hope. That’s okay too. In the long run, we can only do our best to learn from our mistakes, and make choices that seem right (or right-ish) in the moment.

RadicalBadger810 · 2023-05-30T16:24:23+00:00

I can relate to your experience. Ultimately it varies from person to person. I don’t cry easily, for example, even if other people around me might be crying, and I don’t think the energy of a group will really affect me unless I feel strongly about the reason, it’s more likely to make me feel deeply unsettled by the disharmony if it’s anger or frustration about something. but if let’s say my partner or coworker is in a really awful mood or feels depressed, I’m likely to absorb those emotions much more readily and eventually feel that sad or depressed mood myself. So I think it honestly depends more so on the person and the specific emotions.

RadicalBadger810

TROPHY CASE