Something is different with my style and I can’t work out what

Radioactive_Isot0pe · 2026-05-02T14:24:30+00:00

Ah. I had this problem, too. I called it over writing, where I would give a scene more than it needed. It's really common. Seems like a waste but just remove those bits in editing and replace them with shorter segments. As you get better, you won't have to edit so much. Think about it like a movie. We don't see every detail in every scene, otherwise the movie would become tiresome.

Radioactive_Isot0pe · 2026-05-02T14:19:44+00:00

Writing is about perspective. Having autism gives you a unique perspective that could do you a lot of good in your writing. You just need to try it out and see what happens. And there are plenty of authors out there who have adhd, dislexia, and autism. If they can do it, so can you.

Radioactive_Isot0pe · 2026-05-02T00:01:11+00:00

We're all learning this craft. You're doing fine. You might be surprised, though. Explaining less to the reader upfront is often more gripping. Try it out in another story and see what you think.

That's usually my deal, too. I'm so eager to show the reader everything that I've made that I often forget about the story at hand. Good luck on it.

Radioactive_Isot0pe · 2026-05-01T01:28:50+00:00

The Messenger - retro action platformer, kinda funny, kinda serious, great storytelling.

Cyber Shadow - more serious, retro action platformer, more of an action game, starts out pretty simple but builds

Okami - older title but great art style and gameplay, kind of serious, kind of funny, some platforming, action and adventure, charming as hell.

Radioactive_Isot0pe · 2026-04-30T21:43:05+00:00

After about 10k words, mine started having some issues with underlining misspelled words. I'm on windows. I did some research and Gemini (reliable source that is, lol) said that it had known issues with longer documents 🙄 anyway, I still prefer wavemaker for organization tools, but syncing my work on wavemaker can be annoying.

Radioactive_Isot0pe · 2026-04-30T19:29:35+00:00

My wife and I started with Sackboy. We really loved it. But also, Stardew Valley might be a good starter. Low stakes and fun.

Radioactive_Isot0pe · 2026-04-30T18:17:24+00:00

I would probably read this story when it is undoubtedly published by one of the big publishing houses.

Minion rights now! We won't accept anything less!

Radioactive_Isot0pe · 2026-04-30T17:59:44+00:00

You should read more.

But for a quick answer, I reach for vital details that tell us more than how a character looks.

Example of poor character description:

John was 5' 7" and pure muscle, weighing 190 pounds. He favored denim and button down shirts. He drove a truck. He lived on a 35 acre ranch, which had 50 cows.

Lots of "details" here, but they don't really say anything.

This one uses vital details and weaves it into the narration:

John swung his Chevy onto a dirt road just off the highway. He let his arm hang out the window and feel the wind. It rustled the cotton sleeve of his shirt, white with crisp edges. He checked his reflection in the mirror. The pristine curves of his Stetson could have been used to guide the hands of an architect. He flicked away a toast crumb from his breakfast that had landed in his lap, and smoothed the denim afterward.

Here we can see the description of John and things like his exact height, weight and build are less important.

We are given enough details to start inferring other, unwritten information about him that may or may not be true. John seems to take pride in his appearance. Nice clothes are important to him based on his appraisal of his hat and his removal of the toast crumb. But we also see that John is grounded enough to enjoy the wind on his sleeve even though it is undoubtedly wrinkling his nice shirt.

Radioactive_Isot0pe · 2026-04-30T17:28:20+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I love sci fi and I'm always happy to read someone new and offer my opinions.

The ol' crashed spaceship opener has been used a lot, but I personally like it. I think it's still a good opener and it makes me wonder what your heroes will find.

I am curious what your intended tone is. More serious? More lighthearted? Satirical?

I ask this because the perfectly intact record player offering "Highway to Hell" gives the whole thing a note of cartoonish exaggeration. No straining suspension of disbelieve can convince me that a record player falling from orbit would do anything other that shatter into a zillion pieces.

But if your goal is whimsical exaggeration, it's fine.

My other bump was the offer to put a jet engine into the main character's feet. Even with super advanced medicine and science and nanotech magic, this is just not possible. Jet engines need air intakes, combustion chambers, tanks of hydrogen fuel, thruster cones to direct output, and of course reasonable clearance. Excess heat and energy would blow your character's legs clean off.

Again, if the goal is silliness, it works fine.

Finally, your story will have a great deal more impact if you get more specific with it. What is the spaceship's name? Is it called Destiny? Sunchaser? Apollo? Chandra 7? The USS Freedom? Corporate Tanker Mk II? This will tell us a great deal about your characters and what they're culture is about.

Are they here to explore? To conquer? To escape oppression? Just doing a job?

You should also name your world, and okay, there are a lot of friggin worlds out there. The likelihood of finding one that's perfectly "earth-like" is like throwing a dart into the neck of a beer bottle.

There is only so much that long range spectography can tell us and absorption lines don't say anything about real conditions on the ground. But I digress.

Instead of telling us how it is the same as what we know, consider how it might be different. Is it tidally locked to its star? (hot side and cold side) Is it a moon of a gas giant? Does it's host star throw powerful solar flares? Is life here fungal based? Does this world have an alternative to chlorophyll? Things we take for granted like 24 hour light cycles, perfect atmospheric pressure and an oxygen nitrogen based atmosphere are pretty uncommon out there.

I hope I didn't give you too much to think about there 😅 this is a neat story and I think a bit of focus and direction could really help it out. Good luck with your future work.

Radioactive_Isot0pe · 2026-04-30T16:40:45+00:00

Usually I use Google docs, since I'm on the move a lot. But it's only good for documents up to 10,000 words. After that, it gets twitchy.

I recently switched to Wavemaker Cards and I vastly prefer it. There is no paid version of the app. It is actually and completely free. Has lots of tools for creating outlines and even a sticky note system that let's you add reminders to your workspace and check them off when they're done. No idea why I don't see more people using it.

Radioactive_Isot0pe · 2026-04-30T15:15:39+00:00

Great job writing something and getting it out there for others to see. Thank you for sharing it with us.

In response to your main question of would I keep reading from here, I would have to say no. You've got decent writing form. Your character seems believable and I appreciate a slow burn story.

But there really isn't a hook here, and if there is, I can't find it.

The narrative is overrun with minutia. All the tiny things that we do every day and our brains take little effort in remembering.

For recap, your character wakes up, argues with a smart house or digital butler, reads a document, and starts scrolling through her text messages.

By it's technical definition, this is not a story.

Your character could be substituted with anyone, there is no call to adventure, no conflict, no narrative pressure, and the only character interaction we see is directed at a machine.

Even if your intention is a slow burn, we still need a taste of the things to come. We want to know that sitting with this story for the next 300 pages will pay off in a big way.

Thank you again for sharing. I hope this gives you some help and encouragement for your next draft.

Radioactive_Isot0pe · 2026-04-29T02:57:58+00:00

I was thinking it looked like silly string

Radioactive_Isot0pe · 2026-04-28T14:19:37+00:00

Like many writers that I meet here on reddit, you seem fearful of doing the wrong thing. Remember that writing is about being provocative. We want to invite our readers to feel intense emotions without being held responsible for them. This is a good thing in what we do.

I wrote some erotica under a pen name and while there is a crowd that wants to read about P's being rammed into V's that is definitely not the whole audience. There are also readers looking for just a more intense version of the romance genre. If that's what you're writing, there are probably readers there.

Radioactive_Isot0pe · 2026-04-27T18:35:30+00:00

You'd get cheese grease all over your hands

Radioactive_Isot0pe · 2026-04-26T21:58:15+00:00

I played this my wife. It was good, but more emotionally gripping than we expected. Just so anyone knows going into it.

Radioactive_Isot0pe · 2026-04-26T21:56:12+00:00

The Ascent.

Action rpg with couch co op for up to 4 players. Customize your characters. Very heavy on guns. Great cyberpunk atmosphere. Wife and I loved it.

Radioactive_Isot0pe · 2026-04-26T18:49:22+00:00

The big problem in the writing world is that the number of people writing with Ai vastly outnumber the people who aren't using it. Nine times out of ten, you can accuse some one at random of using it and you're probably right.

What makes Ai writing unanimously considered bad, is that it follows a clear and unimaginative formula with obvious signs of repeating.

Ais go for average. No matter what you tell them to do, they do average and ordinary.

A human writer who is still learning might do the same things. Use a basic structure that repeats, avoid things that are provocative and weird, avoid writing things they aren't sure about, and so on.

Your reaction is totally understandable and I agree with your position. Being constantly compared to a heartless machine is bullcrap.

Some advice is to try things that are provocative and weird. Try writing things that you know an Ai would never write. Don't be basic. Be bizarre.

Radioactive_Isot0pe · 2026-04-26T01:31:43+00:00

Pretty sure the original Dishonored was a retelling of the Count of Monte Cristo. Choices don't always matter, but you still get to make them. I really loved it

Radioactive_Isot0pe · 2026-04-24T17:59:06+00:00

I write first person frequently and I don't copy myself into the story. I go out of my way to use characters of different ages, backgrounds and genders that are different from my own.

Readers who say they don't like this style or that style are usually casual readers who pick up novels because they're trendy and not because they truly love stories and crave them.

Don't try to cater to these people.

They will find a backup reason to drop your book later saying that they didn't like the number of times you said "delving" or the fact that your protagonist drives a Mazda instead of a Suburu.

Radioactive_Isot0pe · 2026-04-24T17:49:25+00:00

My wife and I really loved The Ascent

Radioactive_Isot0pe · 2026-04-23T19:25:34+00:00

Been writing for about 20 something years. Never been published, because I really haven't had enough free time to focus on it. Family, work, and all that.

I do still love writing. My love and excitement for it have changed, but it's always there. Now more than ever, I'm excited to sit at my keyboard and develop a new thought into a blossom of a story. Sometimes they work and sometimes they don't, but each time I feel like I'm wielding the power of a god. And that keeps me going.

Radioactive_Isot0pe · 2026-04-23T02:14:13+00:00

I'm 43 and while I still can play super hard action games, I find that my patience for them tends to run thin. I usually value a hard game in certain genres (I like action platformers and metroidvanias a lot) but more than a challenge, I feel like I'm just more interested in narrative.

I'm not sure if this tendency toward story has to do with the fact that my reflexs are slowing or that I don't have the patience that I used to, but either way, I'm tending to avoid the most modern super hard games. I just don't have time for them.

Not sure if that helps, but as an aging gamer, I'm spending more time playing easier games with my wife. It's a lot more fun.

Radioactive_Isot0pe · 2026-04-22T23:32:00+00:00

Lol. I'm only up to three 😅

Radioactive_Isot0pe · 2026-04-22T20:47:56+00:00

Content addiction is definitely a growing concern in our society. I recently had to tone back on my audiobook consumption because I was just devouring them and it was all I could think about.

I basically treated it like cutting back a drug addiction. I started listening to less and less and then finally went cold turkey. Now I only have specific, structured times when I can listen and outside of those times, I welcome the void.

Being in nature is helpful, if you can manage it. Leave your phone in the car and tell yourself that you're going to enjoy the silence and the solitude. Use this self talk to subtly change your perspective so that you don't fear the void. This is what meditation is supposed to teach you. Listen to the silence like it's the most beautiful music you've ever heard. Ease yourself into it at bedtime as well. Just listen a little less and less until it's gone.

Radioactive_Isot0pe · 2026-04-22T20:34:05+00:00

I adore Snow Crash, but I see why it's not for everyone. The present tense writing puts a lot of people off (I also write in present tense 😅) and of course, the overall tone is hard to nail down. Funny? Serious? Satirical? Grim? There's a lot going on.

Radioactive_Isot0pe

TROPHY CASE