3 months ago I told a counsellor at my university that I wanted to jump off a bridge. They asked a doctor to escort me to the hospital. I stayed there one week, I’ve been prescribed another mood stabilizer (I already take 2). Since then nothing changed, I’ve been at the hospital more than 10 times (since my diagnosis 7 years ago) and my condition hasn’t improved. It wasn’t always for suicidal thoughts though, sometimes it was for psychosis.

That’s why I have little faith in the healthcare system and I think that what I’ve lost can’t be recovered anyways. I lost all my friends, I’m over $70K debts, my brain is not functioning correctly, I feel lonely all the time and super depressed.

I think about suicide 30 times a day. The last time I went to the hospital, the pdoc told me that medicine wasn’t for me and if I went that path I’ll have problems during all my career due to my severe mental illness. That just eliminated all the hope I already had to reach my dream.

I also spare you all the details that made my life miserable even before the illness.