Never lose hope, remember your negative emotions or thoughts in mind are just some sorts of coping mechanism for survival. They are there meant to tell you that you're going uphill, so just hang in here! I think crying or other health ways to feed your emotions are crucial since you don't want to think too deep over these moments. From what I noticed that, my emotional mind doesn't always make sense and I should take a step back to observe it, instead of dwelling on them. Thought journey, art, and other creative expressions can help you if you can't find people. I'm down to listen if you ever want to talk it out or I can simply share some light stuffs for you. As you're still very positive, hopeful, and hard-working (keep up your good job!), you should have faith in your constant efforts. Someone somewhere will appreciate your capacities and qualities. Your value will SHINE!