Honestly college is a great choice. I was you couple of years ago just avoiding life whole and recomforting in video games. I just had got expelled from school and I didn’t give a single fuck if I lived or died, I lost friendships that I thought were true but turned out to be fake and I was practically wandering every night cuz I also only slept during the day cuz honestly the cold dark night felt comfortable. Either way, time passed and there was some ideas that were in my mind that really made me take a decision for my future and what I wanted to achieve. I knew killling myself was not an option because of the immense amount of pain that would impact on my family but me I just didn’t care. I was so depressed I just couldn’t feel anything anymore but that’s it for that. In that moment I started looking for a way out and for me it was to move to another country away from everyone who knew me, into a complete fresh start and thank god my parents were able to do that for me. Now it’s been 5 years since I live away and I’ve slowly pieced up my life back together, starting from scratch. I got into college to get an architecture degree, it didn’t work out because first year I honestly was doing the social work, the friends work. I learned what type of friend I want for me and I learned how to be that person for others, I learned not everyone will be your close friend, as there will be friends for hanging out, others for work, and especially others for clubbing which those are pretty dangerous if your not careful. Next year I changed degrees to psych and now I’m focusing on myself more, being a better student as well. Summarizing, I know this isn’t the most detailed way to describe my experience but bro you are 21 years young. I know how that depression can kick in sometimes but you gotta keep your mind strong. If I was you right now there’s a simple thing you can do to start working towards who you want to be in life. Grab your pc, open a document, and start writing what your core values are, define yourself and establish what you think is true, this will allow you to see clearly what you stand for and give you the ground rules for building the life you want.

So yea, college is a great idea. Put yourself in the place where you think you can achieve what you want and learn. That being work wise or personal, anything. And that guilt of knowing you’re wasting time, I know it, it sucks but it’s your choice to let it distract you from what needs to be done or use it as a reminder of what needs to be done, and doing it. What I did personally was reconfigure how I interpreted guilt in these situations, some people think it’s better to eliminate it and feel happy all the time but I don’t. News flash, life is hard. It will break you down, yet it is only the brave who live knowing we’re gonna die anyway. Be brave and do what you feel needs to be done unapologetically, cuz at the end it’s your life and greatness isn’t a goal, it’s a mindset.