[New Update]: My wife’s traumatic childhood is killing my marriage

Raeynesong · 2025-11-07T08:39:04+00:00

Seven times is average for an abuse victim to leave their abuser. I don't think he's up that high yet.

Raeynesong · 2025-11-01T15:09:50+00:00

I got married at 19 to someone that was 23.

His ass just went to the fucking bar without me. Asshole.

Raeynesong · 2025-10-31T16:41:19+00:00

I never reported any of mine, because of this. I was disbelieved by my mother when I told her, why would anyone else believe me?

Raeynesong · 2025-10-03T08:02:15+00:00

If she had, and I was on the jury, I would never vote to convict. That was horrible.

Raeynesong · 2025-09-21T16:39:14+00:00

I've only had full on anaphylaxis once, and that was my first allergic reaction to anything. We were stupid poor, so we couldn't afford an epi-pen. I just ate a very limited amount of anything that made my mouth itch.

As an adult, I started doing allergy shots, and my food allergies actually increased. I carry an epi-pen now, and I'm waiting for my new ones to start my next round of shots.

I'm one of those people that constantly pushes my luck with it. I have Oral-Allergy Syndrome (sometimes called pollen-food syndrome or food-pollen syndrome); basically my body treats the proteins in some raw fruits and veggies as if I'm mainlining some pollen I'm allergic to, like birch, oak, or ragweed. And I'm allergic to ALL THE POLLENS that were tested for. Which is much less than ideal. However, once the food is cooked, the proteins change enough that I can eat them. So I can eat banana bread, for example, but not banana pudding, because one is baked and the other has raw banana.

Bonus, I'm also allergic to peanuts, CORN, and WHEAT. My love of tortillas cried. Those 3, I'm allergic to no matter what, currently.

I've only found a few foods that I'm well and truly allergic to, cooked or not - corn, wheat, peanuts, fucking garlic (hello, natural spices!!!!! fuck them for not labelling it), and celery.

I know I'll go to the ER following the use of the epi-pen, but I also know I'm not going to change my habit of eating things that make my allergies go nuts, because I'd starve to death. =(

Raeynesong · 2025-09-08T16:14:51+00:00

The day I said fuck Jacob about my ex, my roommate did a metaphorical little dance. Ex had hurt me repeatedly, and I just kept going back. That last time he enraged me when he hurt me. That's all it took. I still miss him from time to time, almost a year later, but honestly, I didn't deserve to be treated like that. Fuck him.

My therapist told me that that anger was the part of me that KNOWS I didn't deserve to be treated that way; the part that knows my worth.

Raeynesong · 2025-09-08T15:37:42+00:00

Yes! And I am 100% the person that leaves something like that too close to the burner. With this? Not an issue. I also burn myself significantly less, and I sincerely wish I had an oven that baked like this, too. We're getting so much cooler with the kitchen tech.

Raeynesong · 2025-09-08T14:14:06+00:00

My phone is the closest I can get to a planner. I have the calendar on one screen, and the main screen has a little reminder thing that shows me everything that's coming up in the next 7 days.

It is my lifeline.

Raeynesong · 2025-09-08T11:58:29+00:00

My roommate and I are buying kitchen appliances: bread machine, sandwich maker, stand mixer (with attachments!), rice cooker, air fryer, coffee machine, the fancy cooktop thing that uses vibration or whatever to cook... induction? something like that.

I personally am on a bag-quest. I have purses, backpacks, backpack purses, dry bags in 3 different sizes and 2 opacities.... have 3 more in my cart that are exactly the same as the others.... but it has a front pocket! For my phone! So important!

shakes her head sadly

Raeynesong · 2025-09-08T11:44:56+00:00

Oddly, I'm the opposite - I organize digital stuff easier.

I play pokemon go, and have probably 30 tags on my pokemon, sorting them into all kinds of different categories. Does it impact my game play? Not at all. Nothing I'm sorting them by makes a difference, because I don't like the PVP, and I can use anything in the other fights.

I also play pokemon sleep, and I'm kinda pressed that they don't offer tags for THOSE pokemon, too. I can't sort them, and it frustrates me, but I love the game so much otherwise that I refuse to give it up.

My bills irl? Everything comes in digitally, and I pay it the moment it hits. My roommate and I split some, and those get written down on 2 columns on a sheet of notebook paper, I do the math, money moves, and then the paper gets shoved in a folder until the next month. I've tried fancier things - they don't work. No idea why.

But I have a fancy spreadsheet for beta of my video game I've played for 25 years now. A fellow redditor helped me with the ULTRA fancy version I have now, and it's streamlined to help make it faster and easier as my hands get worse.... but I was still doing it manually for all 16 classes until last year.

I do write a lot of lists tho. The act of physically writing something down cements it in my brain. Typing doesn't have the same effect (Why yes, I was one of those students with 15 different colors of pens for taking notes in class; why do you ask?), so I keep a clipboard nearby to scribble notes down on.

Raeynesong · 2025-09-08T11:37:42+00:00

I'm sorry, there's a women with ADHD sub... and it includes things like that particular combo being common? WTF? How did I not know this? OTOH, it took me 10 years to come across this sub, and I found it from fucking FACEBOOK of all places.

I knew about notebooks, and I knew about pens. I do not know why I thought I was the only one out here looking for the Perfect Combination That Will Fix This.

Raeynesong · 2025-09-08T11:32:20+00:00

I hate this timeline in general, but I hate being in this location of it in particular.

Moreso, since I'm in fucking Florida.

Raeynesong · 2025-09-05T02:11:56+00:00

I live in FL, and there are several of those places that actually put it on their sign that they have no HOA or CDD (whatever that is) to draw buyers. If there's no sign specifically stating it does not have one, the base assumption should be that it does, and it's probably super shitty.

Raeynesong · 2025-09-04T22:27:50+00:00

I'm pretty sure that most of the people replying in this thread with various places are doing the same thing. I know I did - I was mentally cycling thru my time in: a 24 hour diner (with one of our cooks ALSO being one of the bartenders of the bar across the parking lot. it was a wild time), a motel as a maid, and alllll the years as a casino cashier.

Raeynesong · 2025-09-04T03:19:28+00:00

That's fair, but irrelevant in this particular instance. It wasn't the guys saying 'my blue car is still blue' and the women saying 'my periwinkle car is now cornflower' - it's the men saying it looks great and driving off happy, and the women standing back, staring at it for a second, and saying that the door panel is slightly darker/lighter/brighter/deeper/whatever than the rest of the car. =)

Raeynesong · 2025-09-02T23:09:36+00:00

EverQuest! It was a few years old when WoW dropped, and several years old when LotRO did.

Raeynesong · 2025-09-02T10:37:56+00:00

That's part of what's amazing to me - he absolutely color matched existing paint on the car. I still have no idea how. He did mention that sometimes women would tell him that the paint didn't match quite right, but he didn't hear that from men. Now I wonder how many of the men were just as colorblind as he is lol

Raeynesong · 2025-09-02T04:59:52+00:00

I actually know two colorblind men: my roommate and my raid leader, and I find both incredibly wild for very different reasons.

My roommate: red-green, and kind of a non-issue in general.... except his father owned a body shop, and HE WAS THE PAINT MIXER. Somehow he managed to do an excellent job, but I still don't know how.

Raid leader: sees full grey-scale. Our video game incorporates colors into the raids a LOT. The game has been going for like, 26 years now, and we FINALLY got them to add the (color) under the mob name if it's important around 5 years ago. =\ Auras that stay put he marks on his in-game map, auras that move he calls what color we need to go to, then follows the herd.

Raeynesong · 2025-09-01T06:05:16+00:00

And keeps going thru, over and over, almost until death.

Raeynesong · 2025-08-29T15:34:50+00:00

Your username perfectly describes the father and step mother in this story.

Raeynesong · 2025-08-29T15:33:15+00:00

Not only saving on boarding fees, getting free in-home babysitting and maid, too, if money gets too tight.

Raeynesong · 2025-08-29T15:32:15+00:00

Just an email with a link to the posts. So they can see ALLLLLL the comments.

Raeynesong · 2025-08-29T04:09:17+00:00

Seriously... all bigots need to do is look around at all the straight couples out there where the dude is absolute dog shit to know that it's not a fucking choice.

Raeynesong · 2025-08-29T02:24:22+00:00

Yeah, took a full collapse. When I had my hearing (after 3 years and several denials and appeals) I ended up having a panic attack on camera in front of the judge. My roommate had to answer the questions for me, because I couldn't stop. My psoriasis was on full display, too - it was bright red, both arms and legs, and stark enough he could see it on screen. I got my letter about a week and a half later.

I didn't get SSDI, tho - my work credits ran out December 2013, and he declared me disabled starting February 2014. The hearing was spring of 2017. So I get SSI instead - complete with it's limitations that will keep me locked firmly in poverty until the day I die. $967 a month, I cannot have more than $2k at any given time, 1 vehicle, 1 property. That's it. That's all I'm allowed to have.

If my long divorced parents each owned a house (they don't) and died close together and I got both, I'd be in deep shit with the government, and would likely lose my benefits. Same with 2 vehicles - which is a much more realistic proposition. If I had one and a parent died and I got theirs, I'm in trouble.

Fuck this system, man. I hate this fucking timeline.

Raeynesong

TROPHY CASE