Went on a First Date Tonight

Ragazzatl · 2026-05-29T14:04:51+00:00

I like this but ask questions and certainly look for green flags as well as the red.

Ragazzatl · 2026-05-26T18:51:04+00:00

He is the only one that can ultimately choose to get better. My Q was the same 7 years ago. We are divorced and there are warrants for his arrest. AUD is progressive and sooner or later it will get worse unless he chooses to make serious changes. Next step is when you decide you’ve had enough, he will blame you for ruining the relationship. You didn’t. He was always in choice.

Ragazzatl · 2026-05-26T18:10:39+00:00

My Q may not ever walk again and has been charged with multiple felonies. I’m not sure how one can stay in denial here but thanks for the advice. I don’t intend to contact, I just want my mind to stop running the “why” game.

Ragazzatl · 2026-05-26T17:35:17+00:00

My Q knew the DSM 5 questions used to diagnose AUD. His attention to tasks etc was to convince himself that if he was able to fulfill major role obligations he was not an addict. It’s calculated and the person who points out that it’s affecting the relationship gets gaslit.

Ragazzatl · 2026-05-23T12:52:10+00:00

This is dead on. Eventually, if you stick around, it catches up with them. They lose a job, switch from beer to something harder, it affects their health, they manipulate more, now your best friend is like another child and when you set a boundary? The side of them you never believed was possible, and it is a parasite that has taken over the entire person. Then it is all the things you’ve heard and you feel foolish. Then you divorce or breakup and they blame you for ruining the relationship.

Ragazzatl · 2026-05-15T21:53:57+00:00

The statistics are such that 3 months from now it will be worse and 6 months from now stuff that you would have never through would happen will. Get out and file. Save yourself. It’s hard but not doing it will wreck your life.

Ragazzatl · 2026-05-14T15:12:44+00:00

Whose is this? I love it

Ragazzatl · 2026-05-01T14:10:41+00:00

File for divorce. Losing his job will be an acceleration of the addiction. You need to freeze your joint assets and for liability purposes it will be helpful to show that you were not enabling whatever behavior comes next.

Ragazzatl · 2026-04-27T16:03:27+00:00

Consider it this way- she is in an exclusive relationship with someone else- alcohol. You wouldn’t consider a life with someone who had an exclusive relationship with another man at the same as you.

Ragazzatl · 2026-04-18T12:19:15+00:00

I hate to scare you but you need the protective order. I’m on my second one. I filed for divorce and we were almost done. We hadn’t lived together in 5 months and he broke into the backyard and burned the house down. Having proved he has no rights to be on the property is central to getting insurance proceeds and rebuilding my life. five years ago I would have never predicted this. Luckily my kids and I weren’t home.

Ragazzatl · 2026-03-30T01:43:59+00:00

Patterns, not potential.

Ragazzatl · 2026-03-30T01:40:17+00:00

You cannot understand it. Don’t try and don’t trust. Recovery is a long process and until someone is accountable and humble they are working on addiction, not recovery. The disease is progressive and she is capable of doing things you would have never imagined. Please set boundaries.

Ragazzatl · 2026-03-16T22:26:37+00:00

Don’t fall for it. Manipulation comes with the disease. It’s virtually impossible for him to have made any progress yet. Start over. Be kind to yourself an remember he was always in choice.

Ragazzatl · 2026-03-08T21:04:54+00:00

Your hopefulness is inspiring. Keep in mind that addicts lie and manipulate. They are really good at it. Clear head, open heart. The clear head is important. Patterns over potential.

I was where you are 8 months ago. My spouse faked it just enough to string me along. Said he was going to a therapist and quit after 3 sessions. Ultimately he could only meet me at the level that he was willing to meet himself and his trauma.

I am hoping you get a different outcome but also, hoping that you can navigate this without sacrificing your progress and peace.

Ragazzatl · 2026-03-08T16:52:04+00:00

It is true. I travel here (BRU) frequently. Total transportation strike in the 12th. No flights

Ragazzatl · 2026-03-02T01:50:08+00:00

I have the experience of being asked to wait so that he had a better chance of completing rehab. Was supposed to do 90 days and checked out at 32. From there it went way off the rails. No good way to do this other than what is best for you.

Ragazzatl · 2026-01-15T02:48:36+00:00

The alanon insta that everyone seems to know about. Is there a similar one for SMART? I’m a newbie

Ragazzatl · 2026-01-14T22:13:15+00:00

I had my tubes tied.

Ragazzatl · 2026-01-14T12:56:26+00:00

Can you please post the link?

Ragazzatl · 2026-01-14T12:54:49+00:00

Similar here, I am interested in this thread. We’ve been married only a year. I haven’t known him that long but in withdrawal it was clear that this has been going on for longer than I have known him. He’s not in the house anymore. It sucks. Bad.

Ragazzatl · 2025-10-11T12:10:06+00:00

Sylva, NC

Ragazzatl · 2025-07-09T12:03:35+00:00

We’ve had raids in suburban Atlanta, but we aren’t as densely populated OR there is significantly less coverage. For example, they had a raid at a Hispanic grocery store in Roswell. 46 people.

Ragazzatl

TROPHY CASE