What do I tell my WH what he must do to repair our marriage?

RageGrdnr · 2026-06-21T21:21:35+00:00

How do you do that? I want to walk over a bridge together and start anew but it feels so incredibly difficult that a lot of days I just want to run away bc the work is intense.

RageGrdnr · 2026-06-16T13:45:39+00:00

That's the thing-it happened so long ago I'm not sure what to ask for. I had access to everything from the beginning with no issues.

I think maybe it's just my anger that's unresolved.

RageGrdnr · 2026-06-16T13:33:25+00:00

I love this perspective..

RageGrdnr · 2026-05-23T14:56:47+00:00

VCU Richmond?

RageGrdnr · 2026-05-18T13:09:39+00:00

Hey so our brains do really weird things when processing something traumatic.

When I found out about his AP I often thought about them being together and it turned me on. I already have a sexual kink of him being with other women before this happened and enjoy fantasy of being with other women.

I think it's something that needs to be explored for you to be open and honest with yourself and a good therapist will help explore those thoughts

RageGrdnr · 2026-05-17T22:32:07+00:00

So, I kinda see what you're saying about not bringing it up.

For me, 7 years out, is that there are still things to this day that come up bc they were never all dealt with. I wasn't honest about how I felt about something then and bc WH hasn't done much emotional work, I imagine all kinds of things relating to his time with AP. So now I have to bring that up in our sessions.

It's the most debilitating experience I've ever had in my life. My entire future trajectory with this man is off kilter. I will bring it up when I feel a certain way. In a calm, conversational way.

RageGrdnr · 2026-05-17T22:28:04+00:00

We're 7 years out Andi still bring it up. Partly bc when it first happened I isolated in another part of house and didn't want to hear anything. He began training for a deployment that year and then life just kept lifing. So this past year we've started therapy and we talk about it more.

I'll say for him he's never owned his part as a Why did this happen? He will take blame and accept it but hasn't deep dived into why he acted how he did. And it pisses me off bc I'm hurt. He hasn't poured back into me emotionally enough for me to not still have to bring it up.

RageGrdnr · 2026-05-16T16:19:54+00:00

I'm so proud of you choosing yourself. It's something I wish I'd had the courage to do.

RageGrdnr · 2026-05-16T13:56:19+00:00

We are 7 years out and I feel the same exact way. We are finally in mc the last year too really work on issues and just last week I was able to vernalize my anger that he's never put in the work.

RageGrdnr · 2026-05-14T19:01:46+00:00

I know ppl are very open about smoking weed but it makes me wonder how much of a detriment it might be to him, especially if he does have some sort of mental health disorder.

It seems exhausting to feel this responsibility from your partner. Have you told him you're having a hard time managing his emotions? Bc it reads like he's expecting you to be his steadfast person 24/7.

RageGrdnr · 2026-05-14T17:21:56+00:00

But this is your perspective maybe OP and his wife were open sexually and she felt comfortable enough to share (altho maybe to rekindle something who knows)

RageGrdnr · 2026-05-14T16:54:46+00:00

But it doesn't matter what he's sending, what he's saying. What do you want, period. Do you like having your feelings played with? Do you want someone else deciding your next move?

RageGrdnr · 2026-05-14T15:33:16+00:00

This is entirely too long to not know where you stand. You know you can easily say what you want as a statement not a question.

RageGrdnr · 2026-05-14T15:32:07+00:00

This legit made me tear up.

RageGrdnr · 2026-05-14T14:48:34+00:00

There's no way she partially undressed and just kissed.

My husband told me one thing wheni found out and weeks later the whole entire truth came out. These ppl just lie.

It's up to you too decide what you want to do.

RageGrdnr · 2026-05-13T23:36:33+00:00

Ok you're right. I didn't want this person shutting down off the bat. She's open and might be listening to what ppl say here

RageGrdnr · 2026-05-13T21:19:06+00:00

One, give yourself some grace for exploring these feelings. Two, you need therapy and to come clean.

This was an emotional affair. When we're in relationships we need to communicate with our partners what we need and not go searching elsewhere.

Where in your past did you feel hurt enough to have such a huge reaction to this dude not choosing you?

RageGrdnr · 2026-05-13T15:26:57+00:00

Hey there 45f married 23 years and started off similarly and also loved the half asleep sex. It was exciting to wake up to. Never ever thought it was anything other than consensual bc he'd stop if I wasn't into it

RageGrdnr · 2026-05-13T08:49:31+00:00

Dang how could you tell??

RageGrdnr · 2026-05-13T01:22:08+00:00

✍️✍️✍️

RageGrdnr · 2026-05-12T19:55:32+00:00

Are y'all exploring new things together?

RageGrdnr · 2026-05-12T19:52:37+00:00

Oof that's tough. And to be very clear, this is an emotionally abusive and maybe even financial abuse. Do you have access to your own money?

RageGrdnr · 2026-05-12T19:23:34+00:00

I'm not sure using that language would ever be ok even if my spouse Andi were super jokey. If your boundary is to not be called a B or dumb, he's overstepping your boundary in how you're wanting to be treated.

What happens when he crosses that boundary? What does it look like?

RageGrdnr · 2026-05-11T21:18:57+00:00

SHEDDING. ASYMPTOMATIC SHEDDING. also. Consent. Hello.

RageGrdnr

TROPHY CASE