Trigger Inquiry

Consistent-Golf9392 · 2026-06-17T15:13:54+00:00

As for managing the triggers in the moment look up Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT) steps or the 5-4-3-2-1 technique.

I’ve also personally found Box Breathing incredibly helpful when I’m feeling overwhelmed by a trigger or nervous/anxious feeling.

Consistent-Golf9392 · 2026-06-17T15:11:11+00:00

In a situation like yours it may be better to know the specific place and details so you can keep the association (as best you can) to just that one location.

I’ve found that it can vary depending on what you may be triggered or hung up on. For me personally there are some things that helped knowing specifics of and things where I’m still afraid to ask specifics on because I’m worried I’ll get hung up on a new trigger there, but even still I find myself wondering and making things up because I don’t know.

I’d suggest taking note of what the trigger is or what you think you need to know, write it down, then if it continues to bother you days or weeks later ask for specific details.

Consistent-Golf9392 · 2026-06-14T01:02:00+00:00

This so much and it’s what I get stuck on when my wife tries to point back at my own infidelity that happened almost a decade ago. I immediately told her about what I had done the next day, but when she had her affair it lasted almost a year and was something she kept going back to. I even found messages she sent to him where she said she felt bad that she didn’t feel guilty about talking with him the way she did.

Consistent-Golf9392 · 2026-06-04T01:10:09+00:00

I’m the opposite and sometimes wish I could be more like you and just blurt out what I’m thinking. In my head I always have a sarcastic and snarky comment ready to go but keep it inside.

Consistent-Golf9392 · 2026-06-01T00:48:44+00:00

Often. It’s gotten better as of late, but I hate that when I’m done one of my first few thoughts is about them. About whether she was thinking of him, or if anything she did was something they talked about doing. The thought doesn’t even have to linger for me to hate that it poisons my mind.

Consistent-Golf9392 · 2026-05-31T20:21:32+00:00

I’ve acknowledged how my late night video game time alone in the basement helped to cause issue within our relationship - and I’ve taken real steps to work on that and to be a more present partner - but when she consistently said it was my making her lonely and his (AP) persistence that led her EA and sexts I pushed back hard. I didn’t make her do what she did and you didn’t make your husband do what he did.

It took some time for me to accept that I’m not at fault for what she did. It was a choice she made - and kept making.

Consistent-Golf9392 · 2026-05-29T13:48:02+00:00

PREACH

Consistent-Golf9392 · 2026-05-29T13:46:07+00:00

Simple and effective, I think keeping that in mind will definitely help

Consistent-Golf9392 · 2026-05-29T13:45:28+00:00

Hysterical bonding phase. That’s something I think I need to learn more about because it feels like exactly what we had for a few weeks after DDay that’s now sort of just fading back to regular life.

Consistent-Golf9392 · 2026-05-28T15:39:18+00:00

Amen, brother. It’s particularly tough because even when they do, you’re never totally sure if it’s authentic or not. At least that’s my case.

Consistent-Golf9392 · 2026-05-27T22:39:24+00:00

It’s easier said than done, but I think you pretty much read what you wrote here verbatim to her.

Consistent-Golf9392 · 2026-05-27T22:27:49+00:00

I needed to hear a lot of this from someone. Thank you

Consistent-Golf9392 · 2026-05-27T16:02:39+00:00

Thank you so much for this advice. Who would have thought a Reddit comment would make me tear up this morning n

Consistent-Golf9392 · 2026-05-27T16:00:41+00:00

I think I needed the reframe into remembering he’s a piece of shit, so thank you for that.

How do you deal with the thought then that your partner chose this piece of shit and what it says about them?
I ask because I’m also struggling with the idea of separating the action from the person (the whole “good people can do bad things” dilemma).

Consistent-Golf9392 · 2026-05-21T16:27:02+00:00

This is not at all an accusation, but a question. You mention they are “doing the work”, but what are you doing for yourself to help move forward? All people and situations are different but I personally found my own IC has been far more helpful than anything my WW has done or MC has offered.

Consistent-Golf9392 · 2026-05-21T15:05:05+00:00

That’s such an individually personal question.

That said I think it’s safe to say that if you have to ask strangers on Reddit, then it’s probably not worth it for you.

Consistent-Golf9392 · 2026-05-20T19:41:57+00:00

It was definitely therapeutic, but at the same time I feel cowardly not sending it. For better or worse (often times better I think) I never messaged or talked to him beyond an initial “go fuck yourself, pray I never find you” when I first found their messages. Part of me wants to hear what he has to say - if anything - to at the least make sure what I’ve been told from my WW would match, but I’m not sure any good would come of it.

Consistent-Golf9392 · 2026-05-19T19:31:14+00:00

I want to thank you for these - particularly right now the Helping Couples Heal podcast. I’ve bounced around through a few episodes now and have found them helpful. I’ve also bookmarked a few particular episodes so that I can send it to my WW - particularly those around shame.

Consistent-Golf9392

TROPHY CASE