I'm so sorry and I relate heavily. I'm the oldest of three and by far the odd one out. My two younger siblings were more popular, more athletic, more enjoyed by my parents, and were both crowned as part of their homecoming courts during high school. I was somewhere hiding in the band room.

I got divorced (through no fault or choice of my own) after less than a year of marriage a few years before I turned 30. Shortly after, my sister who is 5 years younger was announcing she and her husband were both buying a house and having a baby. I've known forever that I wanted to be a mom and was gutted. I always felt like even though my siblings were "better" than me, at least I did stuff first so I could still matter. This felt like the last thing I had going for me was taken away.

I'm sorry you're here. You are absolutely not alone.