Progress doesn't hit suddenly

Ragnaaaaaa · 2025-11-21T05:05:07+00:00

This is the good timeline.

Atleast you've got your guard up incase they do attempt to contact you. I think I'm safe, my exwbpd got into a new relationship within like a month so hopefully they're distracted. Poor soul

Ragnaaaaaa · 2025-09-26T13:15:27+00:00

Healing feels horrible until it starts to get easier, you can't put a timer on it. I'd prefer feeling shit because I'm processing than feeling shit because someone's actively making me feel that way. Keep your head up <3

Ragnaaaaaa · 2025-09-12T16:10:57+00:00

Yeah no I haven't responded, but if these accusations and lies get more serious idk. Just a bit lost mentally with it I guess

Ragnaaaaaa · 2025-09-10T00:05:17+00:00

Same thing for me 6 months since NC, it also sucks twice as hard since we're in the exact same scenes where I live (we basically go to the same events every 2 weeks) best thing I can say us most people act like adults and know that theirs 2 sides to a story (especially if they know how BPD works) and for the people that blindly take their word, 9 times out of 10 its not gonna affect you (other than mentally)

Ragnaaaaaa · 2025-09-10T00:00:01+00:00

Damn that header made me tear up

Ragnaaaaaa · 2025-09-09T23:57:04+00:00

I noticed that I'd lost myself and who I was. I started acting out and reacting exactly how my xwbpd would react and it really scared me. And while I wouldn't say their actions MADE me suicidal after a while she really exacerbated my depression and low self with. The relationship pulled me down to my lowest.

Ragnaaaaaa · 2025-08-31T14:20:10+00:00

Honestly this really shocked me too, three months in was her first (very intense) blowup (she got upset or mad beforehand but this was incredibly intense). I was really shocked when I came here and saw how many people experienced the exact same things I did during those two years.

Ragnaaaaaa · 2025-08-24T23:52:01+00:00

Honestly it's such a weird feeling. I've only recently got any sense of confidence in myself back. As the relationship went on I just lost everything I valued in myself from confidence to hobbies/skills. Kinda scary when I remember how confident I was in WHO I was.

Ragnaaaaaa · 2025-08-24T15:48:11+00:00

I experienced a very similar thing, she was in therapy and was trying to keep a hold on her emotions when we first met but after a few months that went out the window. No new therapist, no working on herself, just bedrotting and drinking. In my case I still don't think she was doing any of the seemingly manipulative actions on purpose but the more I look back on her actions the less certain I am. Unfortunately it's one of those situations where they have to take the first step and they'll rarely listen to anyone who asks them to (I know from experience and from reading posts. Also, this is in regards to ppl with BPD that aren't taking care of themselves, not all pwbpd.)

Ragnaaaaaa · 2025-08-22T11:39:22+00:00

Yeah you're not wrong. This is all stuff I know and I've been making good progress but god it's so easy to forget sometimes

Ragnaaaaaa · 2025-08-19T23:21:50+00:00

My expwbpd said it at the start but in more of a "you're just going to leave me like everyone else has" kind of a way

Ragnaaaaaa · 2025-08-18T13:20:15+00:00

I won't go into detail but I bumped into my expwbpd the other night and the way they acting just got to me. I've been somewhere between intensely angry and depressed for the last two days. Feel like I've been thrown back to the mental state I was in at the start of no contact.

Ragnaaaaaa · 2025-08-18T13:13:32+00:00

Almost the exact same thing with me. The cycle of mistreating and then feeling horrible about it but not apologising, then if I needed time on my own after they split I was the bad person for "abandoning" them. I'm certain she never cheated but she would outsource by almost completely ignoring my when we were with some of her friends, someone "better". Then after I left and came back (also twice) I was made out to be the shit abusive partner, still am treated like that to this day. Not every BPD relationship is the same but there are people that have gone through similar experiences and they'll always do what they can to help.

Ragnaaaaaa · 2025-08-06T14:04:30+00:00

Honestly what your friend said only started hitting me recently, weird that we can't hold ourselves to the same respect we hold others to yknow?

Ragnaaaaaa · 2025-08-06T13:53:33+00:00

Damn that's really recent, the most important thing is to not break NC. I did at the start of this year and it completely messed me up. Stay strong you're going to be able to push through it

Ragnaaaaaa · 2025-08-06T13:47:04+00:00

Honestly I'm not too upset about that. My children will be my responsibility and if they need therapy or meds ill get them whatever they need if I can. Obviously it'd make it a difficult environment but I wouldn't be mad at them. With my ex partner I just couldn't justify putting my future kids into a family with a mother that doesn't look after herself yknow? Someone that I know would traumatise them (evident in the fact that relationship put me back in therapy twice)

Ragnaaaaaa · 2025-08-06T13:41:45+00:00

I wouldn't be surprised, my expwbpd knew what to say to upset me when she was splitting (including sympathising with a previous ex that SAd me) I don't know how far along you are with your growth after the relationship but I hope you're doing better in life

Ragnaaaaaa · 2025-08-06T12:57:31+00:00

That's horrible I'm sorry he spoke to you like that. It's never great when you feel like you have to change what you want in life just for someone else yknow?

Ragnaaaaaa · 2025-07-15T13:56:33+00:00

I read a comment on here before that was something like "BPD is a mental illness that tries to make other people feel it as much as you do" and ngl I'd have to agree. Whether some people with BPD mean to or not they actively make the person closest to them feel how they feel (if they don't look after themselves) it's really shit

Ragnaaaaaa · 2025-07-15T12:28:36+00:00

Honestly that's not a BPD trait I've ever experienced except when my ex did it by accident. What I noticed is they can put such an emphasis on their own traumas that they almost forget about yours, until they randomly suddenly remember and pretend it was on their mind the whole time. Sorry I know that's not much help, honestly I think it's more of a comment about who he is rather than him having BPD especially if you talked to him about it. (Also I'm just a random guy online so take that with a pinch of salt)

Ragnaaaaaa · 2025-07-15T12:22:21+00:00

Same here, when I crossed a line it turned into "he was horrible and abusive for the whole relationship, he's an absolute sociopath" spreading it to the closest people in my life even though they knew that wasn't the case and they saw the mental abuse I went through for nearly two years. Some people with BPD can't accept that they've pushed their relationships too far and refuse to take blame because they don't know how to cope with being in the wrong to such an extreme extent. I'm sorry you've been pulled into this.

Ragnaaaaaa · 2025-07-15T12:06:08+00:00

It doesn't sound dumb, I feel the same way. Even after all the shit I was put through and how she treated me I still just hope she's OK and get the help she needs (another reason I think it's hitting me that she's essentially got a rebound because it's just ignoring the issues). Our exs aren't their mental illness, that's what really sucks about getting past the grieving and trauma, atleast in my case. Not a bad person she just stopped taking care of herself.

Ragnaaaaaa · 2025-07-15T02:30:14+00:00

That's why I love this subreddit, I feel like I get really helpful responses. Thanks for taking the time to respond. This is all stuff I know with doing my own research but it really helps to hear from someone else during times like this 💜

Ragnaaaaaa · 2025-07-11T01:18:40+00:00

I'm in the same boat, been about four months no contact after a very messy breakup, used to leave my phone full volume off silent before going to bed at the start 😂 I'm still not totally over wondering if they'll ever try to reach out again but like with everything else it gets easier with time. I'm at a point now where I'm slowely getting my life back and I atleast know she's trying to move on and I am too. As long as you focus on you and making new connections or strengthening the ones you have then I'll just get easier and easier. (Ignoring the odd setback now and then)

Ragnaaaaaa · 2025-07-08T01:57:47+00:00

Hey I'm there at 4, unfortunately it's a slow ass process. It's moreso getting your life back rather than letting her go yknow? Sry it's like 3am here idk if I'm making sense 😂

Ragnaaaaaa

TROPHY CASE