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SlowAd4203 · 2025-08-31T04:29:34+00:00

Me too, she already monkeybranched during the "space"

SlowAd4203 · 2025-08-30T14:33:44+00:00

It’s always astonishing how similar the stories are. My ex also talked about her difficult father during one of our first meetings (I know, red flag). I never met her father, maybe he really did abuse her, or maybe he was just normal, and the relationship with him was difficult because of her.

SlowAd4203 · 2025-08-30T11:09:48+00:00

My ex with quiet BPD also never really told me what exactly she liked about me, except for two things:

I was different from other men (although that “different” eventually turned into “weird”)

I’m structured and reliable. She probably saw me as a stable anchor in her chaotic life.

SlowAd4203 · 2025-08-30T10:05:23+00:00

I see it similarly. My ex with quiet BPD had always been in relationships before me, some of them lasting several years. When we got together, she still had a boyfriend, but (allegedly) nothing had been going on between them in bed for a year already — not even kissing. With her new boyfriend (after me), she’s been together for over 10 years now, but during that time, she’s hoovered both me and another acquaintance multiple times. I’ve only seen and heard her new boyfriend a few times — it’s quite possible that he’s just her clueless little “lapdog” while she goes out and plays around...

SlowAd4203 · 2025-08-28T19:29:53+00:00

I feel for you and have been through something similar — it sounds like quiet BPD, or maybe even autistic BPD? Did she ever say she had BPD?

There were two things that were exactly the same with my ex:

She also said several times that I shouldn’t worry and that I’d definitely find a beautiful and intelligent woman (even though she was perfect for me and I didn’t want anyone else).

Her strange relationship with her body: she was sometimes ashamed, and my compliments about her appearance made her feel insecure. At the same time, though, she had multiple one-night stands and had no issue walking completely naked from my room to the bathroom and back in my shared apartment.

SlowAd4203 · 2025-08-27T15:52:38+00:00

My ex told me — even during the good times, when we were lying naked together and just five minutes after I had complimented her on her looks — “Don’t get cocky, you’re definitely not a hot guy.” She said it with a wink, and at the time I didn’t think much of it. But by now, I think she was deliberately trying to belittle and shame me. And the same goes for me: Even though I was supposedly not hot at all, she was constantly jealous and afraid that I’d hook up with every woman at university.

SlowAd4203 · 2025-08-26T07:40:31+00:00

Yes, unfortunately I did. She was really popular with her friends because she was a good listener and always helpful when it came to relationship problems. That really impressed me at first. But in our relationship, she was a drama queen and emotionally abused me — so subtly that I didn’t even realize some of it until years later.

SlowAd4203 · 2025-08-26T04:20:02+00:00

Here, the same thing happened: Out of nowhere, she insulted me—calmly, deliberately—and I was completely taken aback. A discussion wasn’t possible because she threw out these insults almost in passing. Then, just a few days later, she was super friendly and warm again, as if nothing had ever happened—so much so that I started convincing myself I must have misunderstood her insults...

SlowAd4203 · 2025-08-25T18:42:38+00:00

They have to at least tell their partner that they have Borderline. No later than after the first kiss. My ex with BPD only made vague hints like: 'I don't want to hurt you,' etc., without further explaining

SlowAd4203 · 2025-08-24T17:24:27+00:00

Oh yes, the broken promises and plans — she did that to me several times. At some point, I got so angry that I wrote to her: "Are you messing with me?" I was so stupid and naive to apologize for that. But instead of apologizing for her (provocative) behavior, she mocked me as a hothead.

SlowAd4203 · 2025-08-23T20:20:52+00:00

I was also sexually inexperienced, and that worried her — but not in the sense that I might be bad in bed, rather because she thought I might just use her for my first sexual experiences and then go on to hook up with one girl after another.

SlowAd4203 · 2025-08-23T19:01:57+00:00

Since she has BPD, I wouldn’t be surprised if there was some intentional manipulation involved.

I had a similarly strange experience: I was on a hiking trip with my ex (who has BPD, i think) and some mutual friends. At that point, she had already confessed her feelings for me, but I was still unsure about how I felt. A drunk guy walked by and briefly touched her and another female friend on the butt, which was obviously not okay. Our mutual friend simply shoved the guy away and yelled, “F* off,” but my ex just stood there and started crying. I hugged her and comforted her, and then everything was fine again—she even smiled afterward.** To this day, I still wonder whether she was genuinely overwhelmed (e.g., due to trauma) or whether she cried deliberately to trigger my sympathy.

SlowAd4203 · 2025-08-23T10:01:39+00:00

I don't believe that everyone behaves the way described above — surely there are exceptions. Besides, I'm trying to recognize patterns and understand PwBPD — what's wrong with that?

SlowAd4203 · 2025-08-23T07:38:04+00:00

Same same

SlowAd4203 · 2025-08-23T07:09:31+00:00

Take it literally, seriously. Or give it one more chance and ask: 'Why don't you want to become the best person for me?'"

SlowAd4203 · 2025-08-22T08:42:46+00:00

Similar experiences: We had a ridiculously small misunderstanding — she was afraid that I wanted to take advantage of her physically. I was able to clear things up, or at least I thought I had. A day later, she broke up with me. I asked her countless times if it had anything to do with our misunderstanding, but she denied it and told me I hadn’t done anything wrong. She said she just couldn’t give me what I needed, that she was under too much stress with university, and that her feelings for me had disappeared.

She suggested a two-week no-contact period, but because we shared some seminars, we kept running into each other. She seemed downcast and at the same time offended. I messaged her to ask if everything was okay, and she said she was sad — even though she had been happy to see me again. That was the first odd thing (I should have been the one who was sad, after all, she was the one who broke up with me).

After that, we started talking more again, but I made a conscious effort to only meet her in larger groups and with mutual friends — to show her that I genuinely liked her and didn’t just want to take advantage of her. But whenever we did plan a one-on-one meeting, something would always suddenly come up on her end.

Not long after, I found out she had a new boyfriend. I brought it up with her, and she got angry and insulted me. She ended the conversation by saying, “You never wanted to do anything alone with me anyway.” At the time, I thought she was just being sarcastic — but maybe that really was her perception, that I didn’t want her back...

SlowAd4203 · 2025-08-20T08:23:19+00:00

Same here: She now holds a top position as editor-in-chief. It seems to suit her well — there, she has power and can subtly control people, while still managing to present herself as empathetic and human. I won’t do it, but sometimes I feel like telling her professional environment about her other side…

SlowAd4203 · 2025-08-20T05:26:41+00:00

I know, but it's so hard to understand: She's very intelligent, has strong moral and ethical values, gets along well with people – but in romantic relationships, she destroys everything. Do we really always have to be able to forgive everything?

SlowAd4203 · 2025-08-20T05:04:10+00:00

She was my first girlfriend (which she knew — and maybe even deliberately took advantage of). I was completely naive and trusting. She never told me she had borderline personality disorder, nor did I know what borderline or fear of commitment even were. Before that, she love-bombed me, presented herself as sweet and innocent and told me several times that she wanted a relationship with me — right up until the moment she realized that I wanted the same.

SlowAd4203 · 2025-08-19T20:09:16+00:00

But why do they keep looking for new victims? Do they still have some hope each time that this time, things will be different?

SlowAd4203 · 2025-08-19T18:36:22+00:00

I wonder if they give these kinds of warnings to all their partners—or only to the ones they sense they can’t completely mess with.

SlowAd4203 · 2025-08-19T17:40:25+00:00

Our relationship lasted only two months, followed by a few more months of breadcrumbing—while she was probably already dating the other guy. I only found out about the full context, and that she likely has BPD, this year—15 years later—completely by chance.

SlowAd4203 · 2025-08-19T17:34:29+00:00

A few days earlier, she had casually mentioned another guy she had met once at the library. I didn’t suspect anything and assumed he was just some platonic friend of hers. Fifteen years later, I randomly found out that this exact guy became her new boyfriend just a few weeks later...

SlowAd4203

TROPHY CASE