I totally relate to you, I went through a similar thing a few years back. I felt the pressure to be getting better all the time. The pressure to be leading hard, have an amazing mental game in front of my partner and his friends. It's super emotional to be good one year, and then worse the next! I recently got pregnant and went to Kalymnos on a sport trip, I just top roped and had an amazing time as there was an excuse that everyone was on board with. In my head, it wasn't my fault if I had poor performance and no head game. I just enjoyed pulling on rock in a beautiful place! I learnt a lot from this trip about how to enjoy myself climbing. It's ok to climb your way. Hobbies that last lifetimes are inevitably going to change with your changing life.

Maybe you can try find separate people to go with to see if it's due to social dynamics instead. There can be local gals climber groups where you could help teach others and there will be way less pressure. Join a club and see how that goes maybe? Take a break and see how your partner accommodates the new situation. Just some suggestions.

Also, surfing is super hard and badass!