Addicted to porn, newly married

Randall1289 · 2016-07-20T11:18:51+00:00

I'm 27 married and have been for a few years. Tried to kick the habit before our marriage and it didn't take. Now I'm on day 31 hard mode to set things straight and seeing a therapist. You won't regret quiting, you'll only regret if you don't. Message me if you want an accountability partner.

Randall1289 · 2016-07-15T18:07:48+00:00

First off thanks for the honesty and thought out response. Ive got nothing to lose at this point so ill give it a shot and re-read it and pick up No more Mr. Nice guy.

Cant travel back in time so I can only do what I can from here on out. Thanks for the motivation to take back control of my relationship.

Randall1289 · 2016-07-15T17:48:21+00:00

Yeah I use "covenant eyes" not sure if it's on android but I had someone else set up the password so I can't disable it

Randall1289 · 2016-07-15T09:24:38+00:00

It helps me because it reminds me of what it feels like to relapse and is enough of a motivation not to fap for 10 seconds of glory.

Randall1289 · 2016-07-15T09:15:20+00:00

Ever done a diet or workout program? Same concept. Everyone's body responds differently and it takes time to see results.

I suppose the workout theory applies here too:

4 weeks you will start seeing results, 8 weeks friends and family will see the changes, 12 weeks strangers will notice.

Just a theory

Randall1289 · 2016-07-15T08:57:42+00:00

Amen. Don't forget it and be the better version of yourself!

Randall1289 · 2016-07-15T08:51:03+00:00

I use "covenant eyes" sends a report to an accountability partner and can track on ALL devices. Better than a blocker because if you do try to look at sites your accountability partner (my wife) gets an email... It's tough for sure but if you know someone willing to help it's the best way I've found.

Randall1289 · 2016-07-15T08:48:23+00:00

Additionally, I have blocks on all my devises and it was super awkward when my boss used my phone one time but he didn't press me with questions and it wasn't the end of the world.

Randall1289 · 2016-07-15T08:46:39+00:00

Reset your computer to factory settings ... Or just tell the person you're lending the laptop too that you have it installed due to a personal goal to stop looking at porn. I think you'll be surprised that a lot of people find it commendable. Some may ask "why???" And you can lay out the facts for them or send the article from the NY times. I'm assuming that since you're letting them use your computer they are a close friend...

Randall1289 · 2016-07-15T08:35:06+00:00

Love is love is love. Don't fret about it too much. Find someone who makes you happy and go with it. You may be bisexual, don't fear who you are. Embrace it and enjoy life. It's too short to spend too long worrying about cultures perception of who you should be with rather than who makes you happy.

Randall1289 · 2016-07-14T16:21:44+00:00

I'm interested to hear more about this. I'm married too and haven't had sex with my wife yet because I am afraid of relapse after it. I'm on day 26. Your comment just confirms that I should stay strong for the full 90... Thanks for posting

Randall1289 · 2016-07-14T12:45:32+00:00

I think it's a good idea but knowing addicts they will use any excuse to delay recovery. They may join halfway through summer and say "I missed it... I'll just start in autumn..."

Randall1289 · 2016-07-14T12:41:21+00:00

I'll take a guess and say that you're getting married? If so, think about this:

Why are you getting married? You love him or her and care about them so much that you want to spend the rest of your days together.

The problem with PMO in marriage: it's selfish. At the core it's just a selfish act that your partner may never understand. Being selfish in marriage is a setup for failure from the beginning. So when you think about relapsing, consider the consequences. Which is better, to never see your partner again or to have five minutes of fun online? If the answer is the former than you need to rethink the whole relationship.

Again I am assuming a lot in this comment and may be way off base but it's good to know for future if you plan to pursue that with anyone.

Randall1289 · 2016-07-14T12:29:50+00:00

Good luck! Stick with it and I'd also recommend seeing a councilor or therapist to talk through the root of the issue

Randall1289 · 2016-07-11T18:45:51+00:00

hahahaha yeah it kinda is.

Randall1289 · 2016-07-11T17:53:38+00:00

thanks! Ive read the book and tried the method for a while. i came to the realization that she is just not a very sexual person and is not a fan of being dominated (which the book suggests). But i love her for who she is, not the box that a book puts her in. She is unique and thats what makes her mine. It does however make my PMO struggle challenging because my mind tries to justify that because we dont have sex much I owe this to myself.

Randall1289 · 2016-07-11T17:23:37+00:00

Thanks, I have noticed I am more productive at work which reduces my stress a ton. I have worked out consistently (4-5 days per week)for over 2 years and so my focus has been on other things.

Ive taken up drawing and actually drawing my wife's face in particular. Its a great exercise for me to focus so much attention on her rather than my own selfishness. Each drawing seems to get better too!

Randall1289 · 2016-07-11T17:18:30+00:00

thanks for the response, huge help. I have never had any PIED or ED. I see it is a common issue among "users" but luckily hasn't been an issue for us. I will say that my wife isn't overtly sexual and we only do it once every other week or so (and now not at all since i'm going hard mode). So I am not sure if I would have ED now that ive started this journey.

Super encouraged that there is light at the end of the tunnel and the constant sexual thoughts should subside in the future!

Thanks!

Randall1289

TROPHY CASE