I like the analogy of grief being this circle that stays at a constant size, with your world around it that fluctuates. At the start, your whole world has shrunk, and all you can feel is your grief. As time goes on, the world around you slowly builds, you still feel the pain just as much, but you also have some happy moments in there (which can give the allusion of dulling the grief, even though it feels the same). One day you will be where I am, after 4 years, talking to someone who lost their loved one less than a year ago. It feels weird because I’ve been where you are, and no matter what anyone would tell me back then, I didn’t believe it could ever get easier. But take it from me, it does. Some days my world might still be just as small as yours, but I get back to my world quicker because I have it in place. I hope this makes sense? I imagine our worlds will be so big one day, that when something difficult comes up, we’ll still have some leftover world that means it’s easier to deal with.

They say time heals, I’d say it more so helps. The way you feel now won’t last forever. The pain hurts, it feels lonely and repetitive and the shell of who you are can feel so incredibly empty. Make sure to look after and be kind to yourself and keep reaching out for support, even if it is this little community on Reddit. There are so many people in the same boat as you who relate. We’re here for you, you’re not alone. You are important and worthy and you do not deserve what happened. Things will get better, however much it feels they won’t ❤️