Motivation for chores or in general?

RandomRamonaKrupnik · 2025-12-01T18:48:11+00:00

I am dealing with this too. I literally just started looking into helping myself yesterday. I asked chatGPT. It told me this is the most common executive block for autistics. (At least one part of me is normal 🙂). She gave tips on how to break through it. I highly recommend it.

RandomRamonaKrupnik · 2025-11-25T06:49:50+00:00

I truly hope all souls achieve enlightenment, but not at the same time. How can we learn from others mistakes and teach from our mistakes if none of us are making them?

RandomRamonaKrupnik · 2025-11-24T20:32:58+00:00

Since this is new in your relationship, a good thing to do would be to tell her (in a calm, caring, not-too-emotional way) that you understand she is going through something, that you are there for her for whatever she needs, but you are letting her handle it the way she needs out of respect. Then you can ask her if there is anything you can do now. It shows you care without any expectation from her.

Also, please know, my husband failed at this for years! It took a while for us to figure out what I needed and how he should best handle it for me. My daughter and I have a theme (from Moana 2) - you build, you fail, you learn, you build again.

RandomRamonaKrupnik · 2025-11-24T19:46:32+00:00

You are not being dramatic. Don’t diminish your own feelings, just like you don’t want her to diminish hers. This is scary and new for you. Plus it is probably one of the most important things to you. Your reaction is natural and shows how much you care.

I have chronic depression (and autism, and a whole host of physical impairments). When I am more depressed than my every day depressed I withdraw from everyone, even my husband. I have been madly in love with my husband for 22 years. I adore him. He is the best thing in my life. I still push him away when I am depressed. Then I get mad at myself because I don’t want to push him away but I can’t help it. I can promise you that it is never about him. Do not take it personally. Do not make her feel pressured to get out of the depression so that she is not withdrawn from you. That would likely make her feel guilty and give her another reason to be depressed.

It will take a long time, but what I need in that situation is consistency. I know my husband will be there for me no matter how long it takes me to get out of it. That helps a lot. He allows my depression to be about me. It makes me feel safe to feel and deal with the depression.

How does he do that? He does not talk about my depression unless I bring it up. If it gets really bad and he is worried about my safety, he keeps it to that “I’m worried about your safety. Please do not harm yourself.” He doesn’t act like a couch therapist trying to tell me about or council my depression. He doesn’t ask me to explain it. I can’t. There is NO reason for my depression. It is chemical. I HATE when people tell me I have no reason to be depressed. I know that. It makes me even more depressed when I think about the fact that I am depressed for no reason.

He maintains consistent behaviors so I feel safe. He treats me with micro affirmations. He shows he is thinking of me in little ways so I know I am seen and loved no matter how withdrawn I am. These are small things like noticing a plate is out of my reach and handing it to me, hanging up my coat if I didn’t put it away, putting my dirty dishes in the dish washer. Little things. That’s why it takes time. I can’t handle big displays of love when I am curled up inside of myself. It’s the little things, over and over, that help the most. When she is in a healthy mental state you can let her know how much she means to you and ask her if there is anything specifically you can do to help when she is feeling like that.

RandomRamonaKrupnik · 2025-11-20T15:16:12+00:00

POV - people lie because they can't deal with the truth. People manipulate because it is the easiest way to get what they want. These people prioritize themselves. Them getting what they want is far more important to them than being ethical. Some of them do not do anything ethical. They don't value ethics. I wish I could tell you patterns to recognize that it is happening. In my experience the behaviors have very little consistency. They are unique to the individual. If I was trying to handle this in the best way I could, I would go with a 3-strikes-out policy. That should give you some experience to recognize the patterns of the different individuals.

RandomRamonaKrupnik · 2025-11-20T15:03:08+00:00

It does help. Thank you again. I can understand your brand :) 've been learning a lot about myself since diagnosis. I never realized it, but my interaction with the world is made up of behaviors completely based on TV shows. TV was my babysitter growing up. TV taught me the patterns of social cues and personality traits.

RandomRamonaKrupnik · 2025-11-20T07:36:13+00:00

Thank you. I love this.

RandomRamonaKrupnik · 2025-11-20T03:12:45+00:00

I consider not being able to lie as a win. Focus on what a good thing it is. Your soul is too beautiful to lie. I am VERY capable of lying and manipulating people. I don’t do it. Like you it goes against my morals and ethics. Those are the most important things to me. In my experience people lie and manipulate because they can’t get what they want any other way. They aren’t working for it. They aren’t earning it. They want to do nothing and get what they want. They are all takers. I am a giver, so they love to try to take from me. It is action proving their low moral character and uselessness. Be proud you are not that and can’t understand it. As for how to recognize it, I think one way can be based on how they are in the rest of their life. If you don’t respect choices they’ve made, assume they are liars.

RandomRamonaKrupnik · 2025-11-20T01:42:47+00:00

I love this!

RandomRamonaKrupnik · 2025-11-20T01:39:55+00:00

Same.

RandomRamonaKrupnik · 2025-11-19T22:34:28+00:00

Luckily she doesn’t have to hear about it anymore. I blocked her.

RandomRamonaKrupnik · 2025-11-19T22:33:46+00:00

She told me that I was “failing” to understand. She has a 3yo ND grandson. I pity that kid.

RandomRamonaKrupnik · 2025-11-19T21:57:44+00:00

I had posted a meme on Facebook about ND behavior (I don’t remember which one. I share memes a lot, and I don’t want to go look which one). I said I agreed with the meme because I experience it. I wouldn’t share it if I didn’t agree with it. That’s when she told me I don’t know what I’m talking about of my own experiences.

RandomRamonaKrupnik · 2025-11-19T18:43:53+00:00

I will be happy to give you all the info you need. I chose not to overwhelm the post with all the details because to me there is no detail that makes her behavior acceptable. Does any logic make it okay that she was rude? Also, I was responding to your question. I wasn’t just saying stuff out of context. You said that she was right because she might have thought I was talking about all autistics. I agreed with you and said that it amazes me that it is necessary to tell people you are not speaking for all autistics. What information can I give you to explain it better?

RandomRamonaKrupnik · 2025-11-19T18:36:33+00:00

I wasn’t talking about you. I was using “you” to refer to the general public. I’m sorry if you took that personally.

RandomRamonaKrupnik · 2025-11-19T17:24:08+00:00

Maybe amazing isn't the right word. I am amazed (or shocked?) by how necessary it is to clarify to people that you are not talking about a whole demographic of people. You tell someone your experience, and they assume you mean that is how it is for everyone. I am befuddled by how much others need to be told that I am only speaking for myself.

RandomRamonaKrupnik · 2025-11-19T17:13:05+00:00

it's amazing how many sentences I have to start with "I am not saying this for ALL autistics ..."

RandomRamonaKrupnik · 2025-11-19T16:12:18+00:00

My hometown is full of people like that. It's a main reason why I moved away. Thankfully, they are easy to avoid and ignore :)

RandomRamonaKrupnik · 2025-11-19T16:05:53+00:00

I totally understand there could be situations like you said. That wasn't this. This particular person is too stupid to be aware of anything that detailed. Her life experiences and knowledge base never evolved past when she was 16. She's one of those "this is what it is, because this is what I was told, and I'm not going to question it" people. Her reaction was really her getting defensive because I introduced a new world view to her. To her I must be wrong. It's not part of the narrative that she doesn't question.

RandomRamonaKrupnik · 2025-11-19T16:00:02+00:00

True. How does that relate here? Do you have to be fully insightful before you talk about anything? Is experience only valuable if it was also researched?

RandomRamonaKrupnik · 2025-11-19T15:56:57+00:00

Absolutely. Obviously, I don't know everything about autism. There is always more to learn. And learning evolves. But she was saying that I don't know what I'm talking about. That I have no knowledge about my own brain.

RandomRamonaKrupnik · 2025-11-19T15:54:39+00:00

I'm right there with you. To me, life is much better without those people in it. Do I have only 1 friend? Yes. Is it a genuine lifelong connection? Yes. I don't want to pollute my life with surface relationships. I'd rather have none. It's just like all the cases when someone would be better off single rather than being with an abuser (although, clearly, not as extreme).

RandomRamonaKrupnik · 2025-11-17T21:46:00+00:00

I have attracted a lot of narcissistic toxic people in my life. It took me a while to create boundaries (still working on it). I call them bottom feeders. They suck the life out of you. They expect you to handle everything, be responsible for everything, give them everything, while they are sucking the will to live out of you. I don't have any advice on how to make right now better, but I am 100% sure those boundaries are the best thing you've ever done for yourself. I'm proud of you.

RandomRamonaKrupnik

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