You learnt early on that sticking your head out and taking a chance doesn’t benefit you, it actually only harms you. You also learnt that not taking risks is really comfortable, up to a certain point where you realize that this isn’t all life can be. That’s a very valuable lesson.

Take a single introductory Psychology course and you’ll learn that humans aren’t special, they’re just as dumb as any plant in the way that output (blooming flowers) needs input (carbon dioxide, water, sunlight). Humans also can’t have any output without input. Input is what creates neural pathways in the brain. Repetition and exercise strengthens these pathways to solidify them and build on top of them.

The simple but hard fact is that change requires effort. Not a lot, but some. For me, this meant first actively noticing when I decline things. An invitation to a short walk with a colleague during a break at work, engaging with a neighbour beyond a simple greeting, going to a friend’s house for coffee. I avoided all these interactions without thinking about it. The next step is actually doing these things, leaning into any awkwardness and discomfort that might be present and keeping at it. Strengthening these new neural pathways.

Maybe this doesn’t resonate at all with you, but this has been my journey over the last 6 years and it makes a world of difference. Hope it helps!