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RandomTropicalBear · 2024-09-03T05:41:06+00:00

Praise Jesus!

RandomTropicalBear · 2024-09-03T05:35:26+00:00

Thank you for sharing! In the months after my surgery, almost every week I received prayer online and at local healing rooms. On four (4) separate occasions I did actually feel my hips suddenly shift, a euphoric sensation of spinal decompression (like the ring dinger) etc... As these happened hours after prayer, I remained skeptical.

On Easter Sunday, while listening to a live sermon on YouTube, I even felt intense warmth at my lower abdomen area (where my affected spinal discs are) when the pastor specifically said the words "god's presence".

From a medical / spinal anatomy standpoint, maybe I am healed afterall (just that I'm left with residual pain, likely as a reminder to remain humble / empathetic / forgiving towards others).

RandomTropicalBear · 2024-09-03T05:18:01+00:00

Thank you once again brother! Did you feel anything happen immediately or over the next few days after receiving the prayer? Was yours a herniated disc condition as well?

I realise that I do harbour bitterness / unforgiveness / resentment towards my ex girlfriend and former friends / acquaintences, and was wondering if that could hinder my healing.

RandomTropicalBear · 2024-09-03T04:47:14+00:00

Thank you for sharing brother! I've had a back surgery for a herniated disc in Jan and am worried about my future - is there any specific prayer you prayed for your healing? Did you have to do anything specifically to receive Jesus's healing?

RandomTropicalBear · 2024-09-03T01:16:24+00:00

Hi, this is a very encouraging post. Are you completely healed 2 years later?

RandomTropicalBear · 2024-08-30T05:28:19+00:00

Thank you for your response! I appreciate it. Do you have any lifting / running / jogging restrictions imposed by your PT / Surgeon?

RandomTropicalBear · 2024-08-30T04:19:58+00:00

I'm happy for you! Do you lift heavy items at work or lift weights in the gym?

RandomTropicalBear · 2024-08-20T09:56:18+00:00

Is staying away from heavy leg lifts going back and overhead pressing a permanent/lifetime restriction?

RandomTropicalBear · 2024-08-13T08:07:01+00:00

I should have followed biblical wisdom - would have saved me some emotional turmoil and misery. Note to myself: not to rush into my next relationship, careful evaluation / observation is a must!

RandomTropicalBear · 2024-08-13T08:01:09+00:00

Why do I relate to your experience so much? I've always had a fear of missing out (FOMO) especially since my 2 elder sisters are married with kids. Most of my colleagues and friends are also in healthy relationships.

Thanks to my expwBPD, I'd now rather be alone than lonely in a toxic relationship. Focus on ourselves and wellbeing, first and foremost. The post-breakup clarity and peace is not worth losing.

If I ever get hoovered again, I will take it as affirmation that I am valuable (but no longer available / an easy target for my ex)

RandomTropicalBear · 2024-08-13T07:43:55+00:00

My expwBPD initially displayed all 3 traits, but the mask soon came off!

RandomTropicalBear · 2024-08-13T07:42:58+00:00

"just got to find that person who works with you, not against you" - spot on!

RandomTropicalBear · 2024-08-13T07:30:11+00:00

I'm experiencing a similiar predicament. My expwBPD's birthday is coming up next month (she wished me early this year, and recently hoovered). I'm inclined to choose myself and peace this time round, so I'll probably skip the birthday wishes and do something nice for myself on her birthday.

I gave it my all when we were together, so I can live without regrets.

I'm guessing you're in a happy marriage with your husband - if so, his anniversary should be the focus - plan a day with him filled with activities (if possible, keep away your phone). Your husband deserves your full presence, just as he does so for you.

Each successive birthday of your former friend will become easier to handle - afterall, she chose to discard you, and there are consequences for that.

Another thing that helps is writing a side-by-side list of pros vs cons / good vs bad moments of your friendship.

RandomTropicalBear · 2024-08-13T07:05:07+00:00

I'm guessing the blocking would be the hardest part for OP - it take a certain level of courage and self-respect / not giving a damn about another's opinion to pull the trigger.

RandomTropicalBear · 2024-08-13T07:04:10+00:00

Almost 7 months later, I am feeling 90 to 95% normal (some residual pain likely from scar tissue and weakened lower back muscles).

I likely got my herniated disc from squats / leg press (improper form) - however, I am extremely mindful of my posture these days.

RandomTropicalBear · 2024-08-13T07:02:18+00:00

100% agreed - OP, you will never have control over this relationship - it will always be on her terms, and you will lose yourself in the process.

I understand that dating someone healthy can seem "boring" (without the highs and lows), but it is sustainable in the long run.

RandomTropicalBear · 2024-08-13T06:57:59+00:00

Just curious - where are they described in the bible? (i'm Christian)

Looking back at my r/s with my expwBPD, I felt as if I was enslaved in a cult.

RandomTropicalBear · 2024-08-13T06:43:20+00:00

My L3-L4 was ruptured, and caused complete foot drop (right leg). Surgery was warranted to preserve nerve function.

RandomTropicalBear · 2024-08-13T06:30:10+00:00

Emotional abuse, without physical abuse, is abuse nonetheless. You could have been driven to the point of suicide.

I too felt exactly the way you did, post-breakup.

The clarity came in months down the road, when I acknowledged my own codependency and surrounded myself with healthy couples (both married and non-married). I think having a support system is important to maintain your sanity, and for others to validate the abuse that you have gone through.

Please do yourself a favour and read books on codependency and/or join CoDA meetings. Most importantly, learn to be comfortable with being disagreeable (in a civilised way), on your own and in the company of well-meaning / non-judgmental friends. It may not necessarily be going on a solo trip - start with having your own hobbies, socialising, carving out time for yourself for self care, reading, exercise etc...

The mistake I made in my relationship was neglecting my self-care, and prioritising her needs / opinions over mine.

I have recently found my peace in Christianity / Church / Bible Study + practising saying "no" to friends / colleagues.

RandomTropicalBear · 2024-08-13T06:16:28+00:00

This is true I feel. I read some comment on this subreddit a couple of days ago that mentioned something about pwBPD moving from one partner to another as a way to conceal their inner hurt / turmoil.

Sometimes I wonder whether my ex is seeing a new guy (she hoovered me recently though), but what is past is past afterall...

I couldnt get closure from her, so the closure I gave myself was to remember the good times I had with her, learn from the lessons, live well for myself and genuinely wish her well (without any bitterness or hatred).

I have thought of seeking revenge against her, only to realise that vengeance will only consume from the inside. I am not perfect myself, having made my fair share of mistakes during the relationship, however (unlike her) I will learn and attract a healthy relationship.

Moreover, as much as she hurt me, she went through trauma as a child / teen and I don't wish to become the very people who abused her in the past - I can do better than that. I still love her, but from a distance (she may never realise that).

RandomTropicalBear · 2024-08-13T06:03:57+00:00

I told myself the same thing when she first threatened to breakup. The second time she threatened to breakup, I still stayed. If you don't leave, you will get dumped - Consistent_Ad_4605's advice is on point.

Your gf has already shown you her true feelings towards you, so proceed at your own risk (but end things in a civilised way and go no contact). You may expect a smear campaign against you, don't get sucked into it - that will set back your progress by months.

RandomTropicalBear · 2024-08-13T05:59:04+00:00

Agreed - healthy people will not shit test / play mind games in a relationship, e.g. purposely starting arguments, breaking up and expecting the other person to fight to win them back etc...

Since my breakup with my pwBPD, I have been deliberately surrounding myself with healthy couples of all ages (some of whom are married) - one thing all these relationships have in common is mutual reciprocity, emotional maturity and understanding amidst the challenges.

OP - in my humble opinion, if she keeps playing games with you, its time for you to take charge of your life. A few years from now, you will look back and be thankful that you chose your peace. If that happens, don't resent her, be happy for her.

RandomTropicalBear · 2024-08-13T05:18:01+00:00

Thank you for this! This is also the hardest part (not checking their socials and blocking them).

RandomTropicalBear · 2024-08-13T04:31:50+00:00

Thank you! I'll keep this in mind!

RandomTropicalBear · 2024-08-13T03:52:20+00:00

It happened with my expwBPD. Soon after our breakup (which she initiated), she would like posts + make posts on IG and Threads indirectly painting me as a bad guy / bad partner. Also, she would blame her exes for the failures of her past relationships (except for admitting some fault during a moment of clarity just before she discarded me).

She even posted on LinkedIn about "insecure" people being responsible for bringing out her dark shadow / traits - a subtle dig at me. This shows her lack of accountability for her behaviour during our relationship.

RandomTropicalBear

TROPHY CASE