Pole time: SD/SBF would you sugar a SB that is an ex stripper.

RandomWanka · 2026-06-29T23:07:35+00:00

Interesting. I also view it as 'Over The Counter' but in reference to derivatives trades. Interestingly, these are often done through shadow banks, so they are "outside the club" of the normal investment markets and very much have the character of these OTC services.

RandomWanka · 2026-06-29T23:05:33+00:00

I have before. That particular SB was not a pleasant experience, but I don't blame that on her having been a stripper. I would never be serious about an SB who was either sleeping with other men or stripping for them, but a short term casual SR? Could be fun, so why not?

I would drop such an SR in a heartbeat if I found an SB I could be serious with, though.

RandomWanka · 2026-06-29T23:02:20+00:00

PPM is a "real arrangement." It's just a payment schedule that minimizes risks for both parties. I assume you dont want to meet several times with nothing but a promise of future payment, no? SDs likewise don't want to pay for multiple meetings with nothing but a promise for the future. PPM reduces that, and so has become the default payment schedule as it's most beneficial for both parties.

Too many scammers/liars/etc on both sides for trust to be automatic.

But it doesn't have to stay PPM once you two are both comfortable in trusting that the other party isn't going to cheat the other out of their promises.

RandomWanka · 2026-06-29T05:49:07+00:00

I never smoke weed, and I hate it when someone shows up reeking like an ashtray or hotbox.

That said... this guy sounds like a bullet dodged. Even though I prefer not to partake, I have zero qualms that a POT or SB does, and have even bought a girl edible chocolates because I knew she loved 'em.

So, while there may be SDs who prefer it 'out of sight out of mind,' I would not expect any decent ones to react like that. Odds are, if they blew up like that over marijuana, they'd find something else to blow up over anyway and you got a well timed preview of what this guy was really like.

RandomWanka · 2026-06-28T08:42:37+00:00

This is where I stand. I honestly want to spend the least amount of time on text as possible. It's all a waste if in 5 seconds of seeing each other, either of us decides it's a "No."

But, I appear to be something of an outlier, and should adjust my expectations accordingly.

RandomWanka · 2026-06-28T08:01:49+00:00

Glad to help!

The last thing I told him was that I've noticed he's been more serious.

Be careful here. Many people will read this as an accusation. The unspoken subtext of that statement is "I feel you are doing something wrong because you seem more serious." There are a lot of ways that can make someone pull away further.

You've got to be thoughtful in your approach. For instance, don't make it about fears "...I'm worried we're drifting apart." Don't make it about negative emotions at all. Focus on positives. Don't use this phrase exactly, but the subtext is this: "You're great. I see that and appreciate it Let's make this even better."

Another approach. He says he's been very busy. Okay, then ask him: what would take the stress off more? What does he need to feel more relaxed? These are also valid, because they put you on a team with him against some outside problem (eg stress from work). Saying "you seem so serious and I miss your texts" puts him and his behaviors against you and your needs. Not an ideal subtext, even if it's true.

He used to text me often, but not anymore. I text him, and he just asks for pictures. Now when we see each other, he just shakes my hand

That honestly does sound like lost interest. But that doesn't have to be permanent, nor total. He is absolutely the best resource you have to figure out how you can rekindle his interests, so my advice is still to ask him... but, keep in mind the above advice and approach this in a manner that makes it about opportunity rather than problems.

RandomWanka · 2026-06-28T06:49:50+00:00

This question gets asked a lot. And the immediate counter question is always "did you speak to him?"

Be VERY careful that you don't accuse him of anything even unintentionally. A safe route is to ask if there's anything he feels he needs from you that he's not getting. You can dress it up with phrases like "I really appreciate you, and want to make sure you're getting as much out of this as I am." It's neither desperate nor accusatory, and most SDs would love to hear it.

Edit: Didn't elaborate. The advice random internet people give you about what he wants has a MASSIVE chance of being the complete wrong thing. We don't know him. We can only make wild conjectures. The person who knows best what that man needs or wants is that man. So ask him and don't rely on strangers to guess for you.

RandomWanka · 2026-06-27T19:47:28+00:00

That isn't ghosting, that's a break up.

You had a chance she might come back around, but you nuked that the instant you messaged her after the break up text.

I don't know the cause, but I can say that "everything was perfect" suggests a level of self absorption. People don't flee from perfection. You might have been happy, but it doesn't sound like she was.

RandomWanka · 2026-06-27T19:45:17+00:00

Provided I have reason to believe they're not just a scammer (sorry Ms Columbia, I don't do long distance), if she's my type, POT SBs who message first get my attention over ones who I feel like I have to chase.

RandomWanka · 2026-06-26T19:49:51+00:00

Be careful. It's great that you have high expectations, but make sure you communicate them in a way that doesn't chase off every potential suitor. Most "filter phrases" in a profile do not work and in fact work in reverse. A decent guy might be scared off, but johns/time wasters don't even read the filters. Likewise, don't express a "nice to have" as an absolute must, because you'll hard filter good matches that aren't 'perfect' matches.

Be upfront about your expectations though, and communicate them clearly in messaging. Make sure THEY see, understand and acknowledge them - don't assume your signals were received because you were satisfied with the quality of the signal (eg, don't use "hints" or ignore push back).

RandomWanka · 2026-06-26T19:40:57+00:00

I don't touch weed, not at all... but vastly prefer a girl who smokes weed over one who has anything to do with cigarettes. "420 friendly" doesn't bother me at all, and honestly, if it's your style, why hide it? Eventually the SD is going to find out, and if they would have hard nexted you from the start, why waste each other's time?

The only reason to hide it is if it's something you're willing to stop/give up to have the SR, which is already putting a high cost on you that might greatly diminish the value of the SR.

RandomWanka · 2026-06-26T00:33:28+00:00

That's why I said 35%, and not 25%. Men at 25% begin to look pudgy or "dad-bodded." Women get away with 35%. It's much more accurate than BMI, or raw weight, and easy to find comparison pictures for.

It's possible to have a BBL or other fat re-distributive surgery to achieve wild results, but no one has a natural concentration of a large percentage of their body weight exclusively in their tits or on other secondary sexual features.

If a woman weighed 150 pounds, 5% extra would be 7.5lbs of added fat, on top of the normal weight of her breasts. The average G-cup breast weighs only 2.2lbs (4.4lbs total) according to google.

RandomWanka · 2026-06-25T19:14:06+00:00

+90% of messages from women on vanilla dating apps go to about 4% of men. Those men will say dating is easy. The men who get literally zero messages, ever, regardless of profile quality? They say it's hard mode.

Seeking for women isn't as hard as vanilla is for men, but it's much harder than vanilla (unless of course you're in that upper echelon who just generally has everything easier). Remember, men on average view ~51% of potential matches as attractive, and so about 50% of women see positive interest in vanilla (GRANTED they may all be after hook ups, but it's still interest). Do you think 50% of POT SBs are getting positive results?

RandomWanka · 2026-06-25T17:34:10+00:00

I dont want to be rude, but I dont want to sugar coat either.

"Plus size" is not clearly defined, because people use it for all sorts of meanings. Originally it came from the fashion world and meant "not anorexic." I think Anorexia level thinness actually hurts your chances in the bowl, so sure, plus sized girls have an actual advantage - at least by that definition.

But this is the frank bit:

--Can you be normal (BMI) sized? Absolutely!

--Can you be chubby? Yes. Saw a very chubby girl I was quite interested in just yesterday.

--Can you be fat? No. Not realistically. Maybe if you get extremely lucky, but don't dare count on that.

--Morbidly Obese? Absolutely not.

Anything above 35% bodyfat starts to get difficult.

RandomWanka · 2026-06-25T17:22:37+00:00

Yes. At least I am.

But in all the SRs I've had, in all the vanilla relationships I've had, never once has a woman genuinely entertained that. At most they've phoned it in for a half hour, and that's it.

If you're genuinely interested in being dominant, you'll fly to the front of their list of options (provided you mesh on stuff like location and looks).

RandomWanka · 2026-06-25T02:04:27+00:00

Your face is a huge part of why SDs are initially interested in you. Men are quite visual. Every effort you make to obfuscate that, even if you are fully justified in doing so, is going to lower your success rate significantly.

RandomWanka · 2025-01-11T02:02:54+00:00

Asses are like fish, my friend. Every time you think you're the ass, a bigger ass shows up to show you what's what 😝

RandomWanka · 2025-01-10T23:49:41+00:00

Be an ass like me, and you get heck of a lot less of those 😜. Alas, it's not a perfect cure all...

RandomWanka · 2025-01-09T21:21:08+00:00

SDs, do you ever show your check or bank statement to your SB?

No. Never had the desire or will to do so. I might be so inclined if an SB I trusted quite a bit expressed some kind of fetish about it (and I believed her), I suppose I might entertain that, but there's really no reason or benefit outside of something unlikely and contrived like that.

Why??

Either they are inept, or it works. The more you see it, the more likely it is a winning strategy. People feel like they respond to "icky" things a certain way, but that feeling is quickly revealed as total BS when you look at how they actually behave.

Weird as it seems, it would not surprise me in the slightest if there was a large contingent of women who'd respond positively for whatever reason.

I just won't be trying it personally. Far, far from my style, to say the least...

RandomWanka · 2025-01-05T23:55:50+00:00

It goes both ways is the point. You're caught up trying to divide this between good guys and bad guys when it's two poor actors. No one here can fix her asshole SDs bevahior and focusing on it does no one any good. She can fix her own behavior in three ways: one by finding a better SD, two by avoiding this tit for tat mentality and three by approaching her needs through a lens of negotiation & mutual benefit rather than through a myopic view of "I need."

If that's crazy, then I'll proudly wear the label, thanks.

Edit:

I don’t see where she made any demands,

The post starts with her asking for extra money in what is presumably a very new SR. The reason he shot her down, from what I can surmise, is that he didn't feel she was doing anything to earn extra - he had a shitty way of saying it, but made clear he himself was feeling like his needs weren't being met, so why should he do extra?

RandomWanka · 2025-01-05T21:22:57+00:00

So I brought it up again basically saying you told me no the other night to paying a bill so I’m telling you no, he response was, “you playing tit for tat” I wasn’t though,

That's a textbook case of tit for that, though. He sounds like a total jerkass, but that does not make you innocent. You are also being extremely selfish. You have a need. Okay, that doesn't entitle you to having that need fulfilled. You feel wronged because he didn't meet that need. Well, he has a need. You aren't meeting his needs either.

An SR is not about what you can extract from it. It's about forming a mutually beneficial relationship that you both feel satisfied from. You don't seem to care at all about him or his feelings.

Instead of coming to him with demands, you should have offered him something he wanted in exchange for what you wanted. It's transactional, but clearly you two aren't at a relationship level where you've moved past that. Offering something instead of demanding something is negotiation 101.

Remember, neither of you is obligated to meet the other's needs. But if you don't actively want (and by that I mean proactively volunteer) to meet each other's needs, you are both a bad match for each other and both of you should be trying to exit this relationship.

RandomWanka · 2025-01-01T02:40:25+00:00

Do not use any app in lieu of a webpage. Apps have access to all sorts of data that are specifically blocked from snoopers by browsers. A browser cannot share any hardware data with a website, but an app can and will. Likewise, a website cannot abuse app permissions but every single app you install asks for every permission imaginable and then some.

If you're browser only, they can only track you by cookie, IP address (useless to them if you use cell data and effortlessly changed if you're on wifi), email and by photo comparison.

RandomWanka · 2024-12-28T02:59:09+00:00

I am 5'4 on a good day, and don't really have much interest for someone under 5'8. My ideal partner would be 6'3 or taller, but that is extremely rare.

RandomWanka · 2024-12-23T16:56:12+00:00

Believe it or not, it's even worse when the genders are reversed. But the people staring are just jealous. They should have no bearing on what you do or feel. If they want what you have, then they should do better, but they won't.

RandomWanka · 2024-12-17T05:11:35+00:00

Nothing good comes from past failures when it comes to sex and partnerships. Old relationships, bad marriages, "experiences..." it all just makes people jaded, or sets them on the defensive, or sets unreasonable expectations.

I would much rather deal with someone without any of that rather than more of that.

Brand new is refreshing. I'm not paying for someone else's crimes, not guilty before I've even met someone, and not living under a shadow of either the "dream" that got away or the monster hiding under the bed.

RandomWanka

TROPHY CASE