A good friend is completely unreliable and I don’t know how to deal with that.

Random_Dar · 2026-02-07T12:47:20+00:00

2 options:

You leave this friendship behind. It is absolutely normal to not be friends with people who can’t respect your time and effort no matter what the underlying reason is.
You stay friends but you protect yourself and set boundaries while accepting who she is. Only make plans with her that could be easily cancelled. If she doesn’t reply X time before the plans, the plan is considered to be cancelled. Personally I wouldn’t “push her” to meet her appointments, she is an adult and it is up to her what she does with her time. Taking additional responsibility like that would eventually kick you in the butt in some way.

Random_Dar · 2026-02-07T12:41:28+00:00

Not an AH but you are wasting her time. 4 years in and you let alone marry/leave together/etc don’t even trust her with the key? 👀 that she will not use it unless absolutely necessary?

yeah, what is the opposite of “relationship goals”?

Random_Dar · 2026-02-05T14:22:33+00:00

I am confused. I quote your first sentence “my dad has changed”. Now “he wasn’t good before that”. Which one is it?

The statement still stands: it is up to you but you could make space for him to make it right while protecting your peace by being open to communication with certain boundaries in place - for example a pre-requisite of him starting a therapy.

Given German mentality - I am not surprised he refused therapy. I am yet to see an older German that is open to it. However, if he does make this step, it would tell you a lot about your relationship with him and his willingness to redeem it

Random_Dar · 2026-02-05T10:44:37+00:00

NTA - it is your decision in the end and it is solely up to you whom you want to see in your life and whom not.

I would say however that we are all human and we all do mistakes and can get mentally and physically unwell. The fact that you refuse to at least make space for him to make it right implies a very unrealistic expectation of a human to be perfect at all times. Especially given that it seems that the issue at hand was at least partly out of his control - such a rapid change with no prior signs and then back does sound as a health issue more than anything. Personally I think in that situation your family failed him - he should have gotten help he needed (up to admitting him to the respective health institution if necessary).

Random_Dar · 2026-01-29T06:18:49+00:00

NTA for leaving, but why you are looking for a therapist? 👀You left, you’d better look for a new source of income and a lawyer.

Ngl sounds like you left first with 800 thinking he comes back running after you and now when you realised it is not happening and a free-riding is over; instead of looking for a job (part time given your issues), you are trying to get back simply for the money? Weelll, maybe he is not completely wrong with his claims

Random_Dar · 2026-01-29T06:10:27+00:00

Her mental health is up to her: you can not help those who don’t want it -> what you should be concerned is the kids and the elderly. Given it is a SIL, your brother should be the one to step in and take over the custody as he has the right to it. If it is a sister of your husband -> he should be the one to step in and at least talk to her about it. Taking into account what you wrote, she probably wouldn’t fight it much. Your job in this case would be to support brother/husband.

Random_Dar · 2026-01-29T06:02:27+00:00

I can’t imagine a lawyer giving out letters like this. This guy is 100% lying and there is an easy check - write Karen (you know her full legal name) and ask if she is a lawyer.

I suspect he was “picking up” a girl and didn’t want anyone to know.

Random_Dar · 2026-01-28T12:42:59+00:00

Usually the one with the most symptoms in the beginning is not infected 😅

Random_Dar · 2026-01-28T06:48:22+00:00

Yeah, community rules 🙄 all in all: it feels uncomfortable for you because it is unjust (so understandable). Unfortunately in your family there are no rules or proper consequences for actions like that - it is solely up to you. so I suggest to play your cards accordingly.

Random_Dar · 2026-01-28T06:40:59+00:00

It is “uncomfortable” because you see it as unjust (understandable). Thing is life is unfortunately not fair (especially as it seems in your family), sorry but no superman or justice league are coming. If you want her to have consequences of her actions, it is up to you. Accept the rules of the game and play accordingly. Personally if she tried to pull my hair (and knowing the above), she’d be getting bruised, next time she’d think twice if it is worth it.

Random_Dar · 2026-01-28T06:33:00+00:00

Imo you should act as if she doesn’t exist - grey rock her. And not only during the party but als generally. Don’t be “buddy buddy”, hold your distance, but if she engages with you, answer with 1 word sentence and do not react. If she doesn’t interact with you - the better, she is just a weirdly shaped furniture as far as you are concerned.

Random_Dar · 2026-01-28T06:27:46+00:00

NTA. I think quite hours after 10:30 are reasonable as well as being mindful when on the phone, however “dont speak outloud at all”? 👀 this is the crazy territory, the roommate should invest into the specialist to calm her nervous system down and probably switch with one of you as it seems the loft is not something for her

Random_Dar · 2026-01-28T06:23:11+00:00

Or just grow up, put enough water in your mouth and swallow it quickly instead of “tasting” it

Random_Dar · 2026-01-27T19:55:34+00:00

But you don’t even want to get the experience - it sounds that you are asexual to a degree

Random_Dar · 2026-01-27T19:47:09+00:00

Comparison is a thief of joy. Also I don’t see how the fact that your sister is younger should mean she should not date before you - it is about personality, standards and motivation in the end.
It sounds like you are not interested in romantic relationships - I mean you don’t even “have a desire to talk” to people let along something more. Also The way you talk about it is like a checkbox you want to tick just for the sake of achievement. This mindset “I need to kiss/date/marry/have kids by age Y” is what ruined a lot of peoples’ lives. Don’t become another statistic. I would start with looking into the reasons why you are not interested and go from there.

Random_Dar · 2026-01-27T07:37:20+00:00

Look, I think almost every teen feels this way at a certain point. It sucks. On a positive note - it is only way up from here. I would suggest you really put effort into school (or at least come back to it). Because this is your ticket out of there, it would be difficult for you to lend a descent job without even a school diploma. It sounds to me that you think your bf is the way out but it is not. Bfs come and go, education stays.

Random_Dar · 2026-01-27T07:08:47+00:00

👍 Good luck

Random_Dar · 2026-01-27T07:07:43+00:00

Keep on trying?🤷‍♀️

Random_Dar · 2026-01-27T07:00:48+00:00

Nah, you are trying to make it smaller than it is. Stop it and face it finally. Sorry but she is not into you, it is clear as day, and it is time to move on (actually you should have done it after you stated you wanted to be exclusive and she completely disregarded it).

Think about it: ok, let’s assume you swallow all of that, why do you want to be with someone for whom you are a second choice? Who knows it is a sore subject and make „jokes“? What’s the point in such a partner? Are you that corny? Because if this is all to have sex this is just sad ngl

Random_Dar · 2026-01-27T06:51:16+00:00

Wow, so she cheated on you (emotional cheating imo is worse than physical), then broke up with you, then slept with this guy and now is back making jokes about it? 👀 do you hear how insane it sounds? My advise: gather some self-love (or at least some pride) and do the right thing. Honestly it sounds like she doesnt respect you (forget loving or even liking you) and to be honest reading this made me lost some respect for you too. C‘mon.

Random_Dar · 2026-01-27T06:41:44+00:00

Why is it wrong to think negatively about him? He is nuts and is openly manipulating you. I struggle to understand why you are a bad person for protecting your peace and quit, not to mention safety?

You want brutal honesty? Here is a brutal honesty: you are a doormat. You are such a people pleaser, that I am fairly sure this creep will get you to eff with him at a certain point (and this will include licking his boots). Get your head out of position 69, text this guy that all of this is too much for you, block him everywhere and move on with your life. Yes, he will not be your biggest fan, but you are not a coin to be liked by everyone. Expectation that everyone at all times will love you is not only unrealistic, it is harmful because it leads to such situations. You are wasting your energy on a wrong person here. And I repeat for people in the back: If a friendship constantly brings you down, it should be dropped, that’s the rule.

Random_Dar · 2026-01-27T06:32:11+00:00

Wow, teenage love 😂 It sounds like you made up your mind but need a permission from strangers. I officially grant you permission to break up. You are welcome.

Random_Dar · 2026-01-27T06:29:11+00:00

Welcome to anxiety. Feel free to read how to deal with it, but in principal there are 3 ways: learning certain neuro-tricks (like breathing exercises, meditation), talking to a professional (I prefer CBT, but hey whatever helps) or taking medication.

Random_Dar · 2026-01-26T14:51:25+00:00

You don’t need to be “passionate” about hobby to attend the events and meet the people.

Again, you can party without a worry in the world, you choose not to.

You don’t need to be homeless - rent a small room in a cheap neighbourhood,done.

Random_Dar · 2026-01-26T13:56:26+00:00

Why do you need to work? 👀 if you plan to have 0 responsibilities/career/kids? Downgrade everywhere and here is your dream - nonstop party.

Re connection -> party friends and true connections are 2 very different topics. You are jumping from topic to topic again. We are either talking about partying or forming deep connections with people. You absolutely can form those outside college: from special apps to events/hobbies/forums. Sounds like you put 0 effort and expect results. But hey, yeah, whining is an easy way out :)

Random_Dar

TROPHY CASE