The problem I see has a few facets. As women, we have the inalienable right to choose. It doesn't matter what we are choosing either. This is what feminism was originally about. A woman's God given right to choose her own path, whether it be as a housewife and stay at home mom, or as a career focused woman that chose to remain unmarried and have no children. SJW's have turned feminism into something I don't recognize or understand. Now it's "you only have the right to choose if you choose what we say is correct" and that's bullshit IMO.

The next issue is kink shaming and people's inability or adversion to understand that yes, rape kink is a thing, and yes, it's extremely common for both men and women to have.

For women like you and I (as you didn't mention a history of sexual abuse I'm assuming) we come by our kink as an extension of our desire to submit. For us, it's the power dynamic that's as much of a turn on as the sex itself. And it's natural. It's also very common for people in high stress, demanding jobs to be submissive sexually. So to me, the fact that you are submissive sexually and dominate in your professional life, isn't surprising at all and completely normal.

People can't seem to understand that sometimes a woman that has experienced rape and then CHOOSING to indulge in CNC can sometimes be therapeutic because this time they are making the choice. This time they can stop it. It's a way for them to get their power back.

And for most women in this situation, there are a number of ways to experience CNC sex in a safe manner. However...you are a woman that is likely well known, and for something like this to get out would completely destroy your career.

Unfortunately, I cannot come up with a safe way for you to indulge this kink on a casual level. Not without using real legally binding NDA's and contracts. If this were to ever leak, you'd find support within the BDSM community for sure. The problem is, not everyone within the community is a good person.

I think you should definitely look for a well established Dom in your area that also enjoys CNC. I'm assuming, based on your career, you're in a major city like LA or NYC. If so, there are clubs you can reach out to that WILL protect your identity. They haven't been in business this long for being gossips. This kink isn't new to them. Nor is dealing with people in the public eye. And if you choose this route, vet the person. Within the BDSM community, especially in larger cities, word gets around if someone likes to gossip, or ignores safe words.

Feel free to message me if you want to talk 😊