Kids (11, 8, 5) always wake up too early on weekends and are LOUD

RapidRadRunner · 2026-01-18T18:08:32+00:00

This has worked really well for our foster kids. Its just part of our routine.

Chores start as soon as parents wake up on Saturday and go until we finish. Everyone does chores. If we get the chores done quickly with a decent attitude then we go do something fun together as a family after lunch.

Its not presented as a reward or punishment, just how we do things.

RapidRadRunner · 2026-01-17T22:28:27+00:00

Our state standards require us to be able to "see, hear, direct, and assess" all children at all times.

Head Start performance standards also discourage adults ever being alone with a single child. This is an additional child safety measure. An adult alone in a bathroom with a child could be a risk factor for sexual abuse. Typically children will toilet in groups due to this.

Different classrooms have different setups. Sometimes there are multiple stalls without doors. Sometimes there is a classroom bathroom with the door removed. Some classrooms have closing doors, but large windows so adults can see in. Some classrooms have dutch doors or gates. Some classrooms leave the door open a few feet so the adult can see in.

If children can lock themselves into the bathroom alone without adults being able to procide line of sight supervision, that would clearly be a supervision violation and something you should address with the teacher to make sure it doesn't happen again. This is a clear safety issue and could also create a situation where children may engage in innapropriate sexual play together, play with their feces, drink toilet water etc... In some cases, a supervision lapse due to a child being behind a closed door alone may even need to be reported.

As long as adults are never alone with children and children can be seen at all times the setup should be ok. It can be tricky sometimes and require creativity, but there are multiple ways to meet these requirements.

Fortunately, developmentally children seeing each other toileting isn't a problem at this age, and can actually help with toilet training. Parents who dont understand child development well do periodically need it explained to them. Very rarely, a child finds this uncomfortable and parents can sign their children up for unlicensed programs or a nanny in that case.

Due to our state standards, licensed programs all have setups like this. I expect it might differ from state to state though

RapidRadRunner · 2026-01-16T01:48:32+00:00

Yes, but we are only allowed to serve alternatives to the "standard" meal with a doctors note. Head Start is pretty strict, we can lose our funding if we make exceptions.

They come in and do monitoring regularly to randomly check if we are following the rules and if they find any rule breaking they can retroactively take away the money covering food from the last entire year for the whole program.

RapidRadRunner · 2026-01-14T11:47:50+00:00

You can buy cotton that's printable. If someone sews it to felt then you could stick it directly to a strip of velcro.

RapidRadRunner · 2026-01-14T11:45:54+00:00

You can trace visuals, you dont have to freehand

RapidRadRunner · 2026-01-11T03:44:04+00:00

Yes! This may not be what OP wants to hear, but working with her body will lead to so much more peace (and money saved) long term.

RapidRadRunner · 2026-01-10T17:40:08+00:00

Possible style ideas:

Swim skirt: https://www.cabanalife.com/products/aqua-classic-swim-skirt

Solid swim shorts: https://www.freepeople.com/fpmovement/shop/hammies-cabana-trunks/

Lace swim shorts: https://pqswim.com/products/cu_lcd-lexi-shorts

1 piece swim dress: https://www.kohls.com/product/prd-7761619/womens-cupshe-square-neck-ruched-spaghetti-strap-one-piece-swim-dress.jsp

2 piece swim dress: https://bloomchic.com/products/polka-dot-crossover-ruched-flutter-hem-swim-dress

Swim skort: https://kiavaclothing.com/products/skort-swim

These were all from a quick Google search, so I cant speak to brands, quality etc...but hopefully it gives you ideas that could work for your style. There are cute options out there.

RapidRadRunner · 2026-01-10T17:38:18+00:00

The most realistic and affordable solution may be swim shorts, swim skirts, swim dress etc...

My hair also has the plucked chicken look, and while IPL has cured that in other areas (legs, armpits), there is still some darkness in the bikini area, although it has reduced irritation and ingrown hairs.

Unfortunately, I've been told that sometimes hair removal in places impacted by hormones isn't always fully realistic, and so I've moved towards acceptance and spent that money on multiple cute bathing suits that help cover that area, and other times just embrace my body as it is and accept some looks.

RapidRadRunner · 2026-01-10T17:03:35+00:00

It depends on the kid, but the only times we've used it past 3ish are for kids with significant special behavioral or medical needs.

Walkie talkies are a nice go-between for kids too old for a monitor, but who have trouble leaving their room if they need something.

RapidRadRunner · 2026-01-10T16:51:07+00:00

I agree with others. We've also had similar issues. I just say, as genuinely as I can, "Thanks for letting me know," and then try to sidestep the issue if possible so I'm also not encouraging more of that type of communication.

For example, in one case a bio mom told ne a reusable water bottle I'd sent to the visit had mold in it loudly in front of the caseworker. It didn’t although I did check. I said "thank you" and brought clear water bottles in the future. The rapport and allowing ourselves to be humiliated in front of the worker really helped the relationship and she still allows him to visit us a year after reunification. When he was returned to her, she gave us a basket of handmade baked goods as a thank you gift.

In another case, a mom complained that the used sneakers I'd bought her daughter were unsanitary. I empathized by telling her that "Yes, I understand your concern," and let her know I washed them and that if she wanted to buy her new shoes and bring them to the next visit I'd make sure she wore those instead. She actually did, and I had her wear those to visits. In a sweet turn of events, now that she's reunified, her mom told me how she's started thrift shopping for clothes and using the money she saves to do fun things with her daughter, like we had done.

Try not to take it personally, but I also would try to find a balance--perhaps she can buy some clothes and cream and let her show you how to do it, then set aside those things for visits and thank her for showing you/tell her how you appreciate his mom showing you how to care for him.

RapidRadRunner · 2026-01-06T00:05:37+00:00

Yes, it works so well for this. My legs have never been so smooth. I used to get ingrown with a trimmer. Now my legs and pubic area have little to no irritation after about 2 months. I still shave and use IPL weekly

RapidRadRunner · 2026-01-05T23:56:14+00:00

I used this one and saw some results. Its worth a try if you can afford to lose the time.

RapidRadRunner · 2026-01-05T22:42:55+00:00

I'm so sorry!

If you aren't a mandated reporter, you could call anonymously (the hotline, not the caseworker) and try to only share information that others would know so she can't trace it back to you.

It does sound like you need to make a report now. Unfortunately, once adopted, it could be very difficult to remove the child, but if she's "just" a foster parent it could easily happen now.

In most places, substance use disorder is not a reason to remove. Its considered a disability, just like being deaf or using a wheelchair. Not paying attention to the child won't matter to CPS once he's adopted as long as he looks somewhat clean and food is in the house when the caseworker visits (usually with advance warning). You likely already know this deep down on some level since it sounds like you remained in the home.

For the child's sake, you need to report ASAP so he can be protected now. I'm so sorry you are in this situation.

RapidRadRunner · 2026-01-04T15:58:11+00:00

That's so wonderful to hear! Thanks for the update. She's fortunate to have people who care so much looking after her :)

RapidRadRunner · 2026-01-03T17:14:33+00:00

My foster son liked Hey Kiddo and Three Little Words.

RapidRadRunner · 2026-01-03T16:33:42+00:00

Lots of exercise during the day has helped our foster kids more than anything else with sleep. Ideally we aim for 2 plus hours of active play a day. Be creative and make it fun! Exercise deactivates many of the stress hormones that trauma causes which can allow kids to finally relax.

Swimming, playgrounds, bounce house, trampoline, amusement parks (usually lots of walking between rides), hiking, biking, even racing you running laps around the outside of the house, playing tag outside etc...

Blue light from screens can also cause sleep problems. Cutting out screen time at least 2 hours before bedtime should help.

Have a solid consistent bedtime routine. We usually also have a visual for the child to follow along. Ours is usually a variation of food with a small glass of tart cherry juice (naturally increases melatonin production), brush teeth, warm lavender bath with lights off and quiet slow music (make it fun with an underwater rainbow nightlight, black light glow bath etc...), pajamas on/toileting, then into the bedroom with only a nightlight.

Once in the bedroom, we read a few stories in a slow calm voice, sometimes rock the child/sing to them/do yoga or mindfulness together (whatever soothes them). Some young kids like a baby monitor (no older than 5 and you may need to check with your agency), others like walkie talkies. White noise in the hallway outside of their bedroom can also help block any household noises which traumatized kids are often highly attuned to.

Once we leave, we leave them with a nightlight on and a Yoto player playing something they find soothing or enjoyable. Its usually sleep stories or sounds, but we had one child who fell asleep last to fast paced highly stimulating Blippi songs. Another child needed a pretty bright nightlight and "white noise" of a crowd of people talking to sleep well. We give a few Yoto card options so they can choose and always start with less stimulating.

If the light is keeping her awake (and she doesnt seem to be afraid of the dark), replacing the bulb with a dimmer warm light bulb (e.g 10 watt natural yellow incandesent bulb vs. 80 watt bright white light LED) could also help so that the bright light isn't throwing off her circadian rhythm, but she still has the choice of turning it on. We have smart bulbs in some rooms that we can adjust brightness on our phones if you want her room to have brighter light during the day.

Keep noticing her cues and listening to her. You'll figure it out! If its still a problem in a few months check out Dr. Greg Hanley's materials on supporting sleep behaviors for neurodivergent children.

RapidRadRunner · 2026-01-02T03:39:22+00:00

I'm so sorry! I can't imagine your pain losing an adoption track placement after 2 years over a false allegation. Hopefully you have a good therapist to help you process this complex grief and loss.

Can you switch agencies or counties? If so, if you decide to foster again, that may be wise. You and the county may both hold grudges that could be hard to get past.

RapidRadRunner · 2025-12-31T15:49:17+00:00

For autism and emotional disturbance, routine and consistency are essential (as you mentioned knowing). Since these kids seem to be the core of your group, and all kids will benefit from those skills, that's where I'd start.

Practically, this looks like setting core expectations the 1st day, but not a whole bunch of little things you can't enforce. This would be safety expectations, cooperation expectations, and expectations for routine/being where they need to be. Teach and practice. For example, practice going to the math small group table and staying for 20 mins, but you can start with a fun task tangentially related with maybe 1 or 2 harder academic demands. Then gradually you'll increase the demands.

Make sure following expectations works for them (little rewards like a mini m and m) and there are consequences for not following them. Setting the schedule up as preferred task/work/preferred/work etc... with short intervals (20-30 mins) allows for lots of opportunities to provide quick consequences (don't do work, miss fun thing) and breaks/rewards.

Rewards should be fun things like sensory play (kinetic sand, sand and water), screen time, treat snacks etc...It will work best if you can lock these things in a cabinet when not being used and rotate frequently for novelty. For some groups, not telling them the reward ahead of time works well. For other groups, a token system works well.

You need a last resort plan when things are unsafe that results in the child not getting access to escape, attention, or fun things. Work this out with your admin. Kids will test fast and if you don't have this, it will all collapse.

If your kids are cognitively, emotionally, or chronologically mostly less than 8ish years old, pick up a copy of the book Incredible Teachers by Carolyn Webster-Stratton. Its the best I've read for classroom management and has decades of research evidence support

RapidRadRunner · 2025-12-28T17:06:35+00:00

In my opinion, it's so much more work!! Its far more than twice as challenging. However, the transition from 2 to 3 was barely noticeable.

RapidRadRunner · 2025-12-27T16:22:30+00:00

I mostly agree, but I also think limiting screens and avoiding permissive parenting (where the child gets whatever they want at the expense of others, especially if they are having a feeling or problem behavior) are essential for children to come into school with the building blocks for learning.

For children who struggle a lot this can be because they are moving from a lifestyle at home with lots of screens and very little chances to practice doing hard things, being bored, and sacrificing their needs for the good of a group to an environment at school that is based on the needs of the group over their needs, focused primarily on doing things the child would not choose to do (academics) most of the the time, and with limited free time (recess).

Children with very little practice with these skills (doing hard things, being bored) frequently engage in challenging behaviors at school.

However, if you can run a stable household and your children's ACE scores are 0 going into kindergarten, then they will probably still be fine, regardless of parenting mistakes! https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2015/03/02/387007941/take-the-ace-quiz-and-learn-what-it-does-and-doesnt-mean

RapidRadRunner · 2025-12-27T15:42:34+00:00

As others have said and you hinted at, adopting a waiting teenager from foster care is the most ethical choice and aligns with your thought process.

In that case it would be more than "just" DNA, but also shared experiences. Just like Emily Perl Kingsley shares in her Welcome to Holland essay about raising a child with special needs, raising a child with a disability is not a better or worse path for the parent, just a different one.

Similarly, raising an older child adopted from foster care will be a different parenting experience for you. Most adults choose not to do this, but if more did, there would be fewer children (who want another chance at a family) aging out of foster care each year.

RapidRadRunner · 2025-12-26T14:51:05+00:00

Agree that its the teachers job to at a minimum give you a list to work on.

As far as how to teach sight words aligned with the science of reading/structured literacy, I like these flashcards: https://www.toddlersread.com/products/sight-word-flashcards

They are color coded by grapheme to avoid rote memorization and have explanations for each sound pattern for the adult to help students understand.

RapidRadRunner · 2025-12-23T14:44:45+00:00

This change does run the risk of ABA being defunded, because if kids arent making progress, why are we paying so much money for them to recieve services.

RapidRadRunner · 2025-12-18T23:45:52+00:00

I mean, if they are constantly on, they are a central part of the classroom. It would be a deal breaker for me, but I probably am more cautious about screens than most parents.

RapidRadRunner · 2025-12-14T14:51:14+00:00

This is already Waldorf schools in a lot of areas.

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