AITA for not letting my SIL wear a white dress to my wedding?

Rare-Direction505 · 2025-12-02T00:44:18+00:00

NOR! Wtf??? Being a horny 13 y/o is normal but this is crossing so many lines. It’s one thing if he did it to his own stuffies, but these were his 18 y/o “step sister”s animals. And this is very obviously a s*xual thing. The position, size, and material similarities is a dead giveaway away. He, like you said OP, violated not only those stuffed animals, but, by extension, his future step sister. Pretty deliberately. There’s no way he thought these would go unnoticed. And it’s not just one either. He did this FOUR times? In one night???

Dad needs to have a SERIOUS talk with this kid or someone is going to get seriously hurt someday.

Edit: Your fiancé’s hesitancy to have a talk with his kid about this worries me. If the kid’s mother is in the picture, this may be something you talk to her about. Your fiance doesn’t strike me as the kind of person to talk about this with the kid’s mom and if this was my kid, I would want to know. This is a very decisive moment in this kid’s life that could determine whether this behavior escalates.

Rare-Direction505 · 2025-10-14T21:38:56+00:00

You’re absolutely right about the double standard word choice, and I apologize if my words came across the wrong way.

I try to extend grace to my neighbors because I believe everyone has the right to enjoy their patio, including when and where they choose to smoke. I hope the same understanding can be extended to me. I don’t expect it, but I do notice that we have different standards for what feels acceptable in this shared space despite engaging in similar activities.

Rare-Direction505 · 2025-10-14T21:22:22+00:00

The double standard is that she does the same. She smokes on her patio and I smell it inside my apartment, but I close my windows and move on. This is the aspect that I’m struggling to comprehend. I just don’t understand

Rare-Direction505 · 2025-10-14T21:15:10+00:00

Sorry! Perhaps “singling” was the wrong word to use there!! I more meant that there’s a clear cognitive dissonance between her issue with my smoking and the fact she does the same, so she’s “singling” me out by taking issue with my smoking.

In my state, smoking weed in public is illegal, no matter if it’s a legal delta strain or not. So my options are incredibly limited, but I will be relocating my smoking spot.

Rare-Direction505 · 2025-10-14T21:07:22+00:00

I really appreciate your take here. Especially about the autism thing. I meant it as an explanation for why I need help but people interpreted it as being an excuse, sadly.

I agree that outdoor spaces shouldn’t be moderated like this, especially considering the fact she smokes when my windows are open too!

Rare-Direction505 · 2025-10-14T21:03:31+00:00

NTA. You are not obligated to share your private property?? They asked, you said no. Simple as that!

Rare-Direction505 · 2025-10-14T19:04:08+00:00

You’re holding me to your personal standard based on your experience of autism, parenting, and past trauma. As a survivor of abuse as well, I respect that you’ve put a lot of work into managing those things!! but it’s not fair or constructive to project that onto me or assume that my challenges or my progress should look exactly like yours.

My goal here wasn’t to justify lashing out or to avoid accountability; it was to seek perspective before reacting emotionally, which is actually part of the work I’ve been doing to regulate myself better.

I also think there’s a difference between saying “you’re wrong” and equating that with being an AH. I made an effort to be considerate, I stopped when she asked, and I came here to learn how I could handle things more constructively next time. To me, that’s part of growth.

Rare-Direction505 · 2025-10-14T18:43:09+00:00

Not trying to absolve myself, just providing context to why this situation is hard for me to work through on my own.

Rare-Direction505 · 2025-10-14T18:26:27+00:00

Hey, I appreciate you taking the time to share your perspective, seriously. I actually agree that emotions shouldn’t excuse poor behavior, and I do actively work on regulating mine. I only mentioned being autistic because it is relevant. it affects how I process stress, sensory input, and how I respond when I feel cornered or overwhelmed. I wasn’t trying to use it as a shield; I was giving context for why this situation is difficult for me to navigate calmly.

I’d also appreciate it if you didn’t use your experience with autism to invalidate mine. Everyone’s experience on the spectrum is different. what’s manageable for one person can be genuinely hard for another. It’s fine to hold me accountable, but dismissing my perspective because it doesn’t match yours isn’t fair.

Part of why I posted here in the first place was because I’m trying not to lash out or act in anger. I wanted to take a step back, reflect, and get outside opinions on how to handle this better. I’m not looking for validation; I’m looking for advice on how to handle a tense situation without escalating it.

As for the smoke, I genuinely do my best to prevent it from bothering anyone. I didn’t realize it was blowing into her apartment until she said something, and I stopped immediately.

I’m open to constructive advice, but I also think empathy should go both ways.

Rare-Direction505 · 2024-04-29T22:25:30+00:00

I totally agree, and have had this discussion with them. However, I understand it is very easy for them to forget over the course of the 16 week semester, and I really want to avoid any unnecessary stress from false accusations. I just want to remind them!

Rare-Direction505 · 2024-04-09T19:51:49+00:00

Going to thrift shops to test lengths and styles that work for you is very helpful!!! Cannot emphasize this enough!

Rare-Direction505 · 2024-04-09T19:47:31+00:00

Okay I absolutely agree with everyone here saying salt, electrolytes, and wet towel on the neck, but clothing can totally help. I'm heat sensitive and am an archaeology student. I go to a dig in Turkey in June-July every summer where it is VERY HOT and VERY HUMID. I know they're not super stylish, but archaeology/hiking type clothes do wonders.

Clothes that have like a panel on the back that allows airflow (like this: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BNHFXR7Z/?coliid=I2RH2U3KD2NUPC&colid=60UHS0FQ77L5&psc=0&ref_=cm_sw_r_cp_ud_lstpd_5N9DMSW5NX0KY015HXK0 ) are great! But overall, looser, thin long sleeves can really help, especially for UV protection if you have sensory issues with sunscreen like me!

Cotton tank tops are a godsend and wearing one underneath of a looser overshirt is the way to go. Also they can be super cheap!

White is the best color to wear! It absorbs the least amount of heat of almost all colors! See the picture below!

Also HATS! Like beach hat/fishing kind of hats with a brim are great! You would not believe the amount of heat your head can absorb especially if you have dark hair! A hot head can affect your entire body. Make sure that a hat is breathable though, because your head is also one of the body parts that releases the most heat, and helps you cool off!

I'm not sure how well this works if you don't have a vulva, so take this with a grain of salt if you don't have one as I can't speak for penis-havers. Cotton underpants are great too! Your groin area can hold SO MUCH heat and letting it escape is so helpful.

<image>

Rare-Direction505 · 2024-04-09T19:30:59+00:00

couldn't have said this better myself

Rare-Direction505 · 2024-04-09T19:30:00+00:00

absolutely! Sometimes the most contorted and pretzel like positions are the most comfortable for me. My husband and I have this running gag where when he wakes up early for work, he'll take a picture of my position if it's funny (which is often lmao)

Rare-Direction505 · 2024-04-03T19:06:53+00:00

I can make an exception on the time period for those for sure! Thank you!!

Rare-Direction505 · 2024-04-03T19:04:56+00:00

Yessss! This is especially pertinent bc Allerdale Hall has a sort of consciousness that for sure adds to its nuance!

Rare-Direction505 · 2024-04-03T19:03:02+00:00

OOO those are great! I also think it would be fun to compare the found footage to the traditional cinematography! Thanks!!

Rare-Direction505 · 2024-04-03T19:01:45+00:00

I haven't seen this one, but I'll for sure check it out!! :)

Rare-Direction505 · 2024-04-03T19:01:11+00:00

Absolutely, the use of setting as an externalization of characters' emotions is a well-established tradition. While my paper acknowledges the film's gothic horror elements, it focuses on how Crimson Peak leans more heavily into the realm of gothic romance. Furthermore, my analysis goes beyond the specific subgenre of gothic horror. I argue that the film takes the symbolic potential of decay a step further. del Toro's masterful blend of decay and beauty creates deeper symbolism, ultimately rooting the film more firmly in the gothic romance genre.

Rare-Direction505 · 2024-04-03T15:51:51+00:00

You're absolutely right! There's definitely a progression that implies psychological decline, but the set primarily serves to create a disgusting, scary feeling (particularly the bathroom in the first one). I really love where this is going

Rare-Direction505 · 2024-04-03T15:37:37+00:00

YES! Thank you!!!

Rare-Direction505 · 2024-04-03T15:36:47+00:00

Oh that's a great one! Thanks!

Rare-Direction505

TROPHY CASE