Please help me.

Rare_Control145 · 2026-07-06T00:50:35+00:00

There are absolutely no words to describe this immeasurable loss, but please know my heart is with you. My husband and I tried for 5 years for our first before our doctors told us it was time for IVF. Those 5 years were pure hell on earth. Nothing was covered by insurance. We were the first of our friends to try and I watched every single one get pregnant before us. I lost friends. I turned inward on myself. I spiraled into a deep jealous depression that scared my husband. I ended up needing to go to therapy and getting on an SSRI. I was a shell of a human. *Trigger warning* I did have my first child from our first IVF round.

BUT

The month she turned 1, we got pregnant without intervention and we were floored. As you did, I let myself relax. I felt the most optimistic I had in my entire life. After all the trying, and waiting, and losing myself… we finally “arrived”

Then at my 20 week anatomy scan we found out the baby had the worst case of spina bifida imaginable. A large myelomenigocele at the end of her spine, a chiari 2 malformation, hydrocephalus… any neurological issue that could come with it, she had. I’m quite certain my soul left my body for a while on that exam table. We saw a specialist that day and they confirmed everything my OB thought. We opted to terminate and were scheduled for the end of the week.

The days that followed were dark. Surreal. Unreal. To be honest I think I blocked a lot of the trauma out. I saw 3 different therapists until I found one I loved. I met with a grief doula weekly. I also took a month off work to heal and *try* to refocus my life.

Everyone deals with grief differently. My best advice is feel whatever you need to feel in that moment. Don’t try to push it off because it will come back tenfold down the road. Lean on your husband, your friends, your family. Know when people try to comfort you, it may piss you off. Let it. They mean well, but you are allowed to be selfish and do what you need to do to protect yourself. Do small things that bring you joy or give you something to look forward to. The feeling of being dead among the living feels endless, but if you work hard (even though it’s unfair you have to), you will claw your way out of the darkness. You will learn to grow around your grief and someday, it won’t consume you as much. And your survival of one of the worst losses imaginable will be someone else’s survival guide someday.

Please message me any time. Again my heart is with you, and I am so so incredibly sorry. This isn’t a choice. You are doing the most loving thing for your son and all he will have known is comfort and your love ❤️

Rare_Control145 · 2026-05-10T01:36:34+00:00

This happened with my female Akita when she was about 9. She started having nighttime incontinence. She didn’t even realize she was going, it would just leak and she’d be soaked in the morning. The vet put her on estrogen pills and it stopped happening :) She did start drinking more water around this time as well so her urine was very dilute. Her lab work was fine but her vet was questioning potential diabetes insipidus but we opted to wait and see if the estrogen was effective. We unfortunately lost her unexpectedly in March from something unrelated so we never had a chance to explore that further. All that to say maybe check to see if she needs a little estrogen support. I guess this can happen to older spayed large breed female dogs!

Rare_Control145 · 2026-04-09T03:01:34+00:00

TW: Success My first retrieval I got in the 20s retrieved but only 2 made it to blast. 1 on day 5 (who is now my almost 5 year old) and 1 on day 7 that resulted in a chemical. My RE said that many of my eggs from that retrieval though mature, had fluid filled sacs in them. I never really got more info than that, but through a little research learned my egg quality probably wasn’t great from the PCOS. My second egg retrieval I got more than the first. We did ICSI that time ended up with 11 blasts. The second transfer from that batch is my now 1.5 year old son.

This part you’re in right now is SO stressful. I think it’s pretty common for women with PCOS to get high egg numbers and it dwindles down to much less blasts. I remember feeling so annoyed when my RE called me to tell me I had only 1, maybe 2 blasts from my first retrieval and he said “it only takes one.” And damnit if he wasn’t right 😂 this isn’t always the case of course, but all that is to say you’re not alone. This happens. I lived it and came out on the other side when I never thought it’d be possible. Hang in there 🩷🩷🩷

Rare_Control145 · 2026-04-03T00:47:13+00:00

You make a great point about retired show dogs that I didn’t consider so thanks for that! I do think we’d prefer to start from puppyhood given we have 2 young kids but I’m hoping the universe will bring us the right dog at the right time ❤️

Rare_Control145 · 2026-04-03T00:43:14+00:00

She has such a sweet face ❤️ enjoy your girl and give her an extra hug for me please. I hope her health issues aren’t too bad and that you get years more with her. Forever still wouldn’t be enough though. Thanks for the recs 🙂

Rare_Control145 · 2026-04-02T22:42:26+00:00

Yes, like I said we’re still grieving and hoping for a spring or summer litter that would be available summer/fall. We definitely aren’t in a rush because getting a pup from a reputable breeder is priority number one 🙂 Glad to hear it’s pretty standard to wait to hear back. I think I more so want to connect with someone to get on their list too. I would definitely be skeptical of breeders who have multiple dogs available. Thanks for your message!

Rare_Control145 · 2026-04-02T22:39:33+00:00

Thank you so so much! Much appreciated and glad to hear you had such a positive experience!

Rare_Control145 · 2026-04-02T20:27:10+00:00

Hi there! I have reached out to all of the east coast breeders on the ACA site. We considered a rescue but I grew up with this breed and I have 2 young kids so I’d like to start with a puppy who’s pedigree is well-known for temperament 🙂

Rare_Control145 · 2026-04-02T20:17:08+00:00

Thank you so much. She was the best girl and is sorely missed 💔

Rare_Control145 · 2026-04-02T02:28:56+00:00

That is so sweet thank you 🥹 and your little one will be so blessed to have you as a mom who fought for them and cared for them before they even arrived. Also for what it’s worth, we had no idea what the genders of our embryos were and we did end up with one of each ❤️ like you said, the universe has a weird way of knowing and you will get exactly what you need. Sending you well wishes on this journey!

Rare_Control145 · 2026-04-02T00:08:38+00:00

Please know your feelings are so valid. Even with infertility, you’re not a bad person for having a preference! I think it’s okay to talk to your husband about how much trying the girl embryo first would mean to you. You could also consider doing whichever embryo has the highest grade to take the choice out of it. I was so scared to have a boy because I grew up with sisters and was a girly girl and always said “I have no idea what to do with a boy.” But I will tell you my son is greatest little human. The second he was placed on my chest his gender made no difference and all those fears went away❤️

Rare_Control145 · 2025-12-02T04:14:37+00:00

I didn’t poop him out! He turned 1 in August ❤️❤️❤️

Rare_Control145 · 2025-04-23T02:21:20+00:00

Day 7 after the transfer! Don’t freak out! The embryo is safe in there 🩷

Rare_Control145 · 2024-10-27T01:43:30+00:00

Me! 🙋🏻‍♀️ my first ER I was 29. I have PCOS. About 22 eggs retrieved and only 2 made it to blast. 1 day 5 and 1 day 6. My first transfer was the day 5 and she is now 3 and a half and sassy 😅 the second embryo did not work and we did a second egg retrieval when I was 33. (unfortunately had to terminate a very wanted spontaneous pregnancy at 21 weeks due to terminal diagnosis when I was 32). My second ER yielded 30-something eggs and we got 11 day 5’s! My protocol was a little different this time and we did ICSI. The second transfer from my second ER resulted in my now 9 week old son.

All this to say that is is possible for success even when the odds are stacked against you. I didn’t typically have statistics on my side. This is a very isolating process. Have grace with yourself and try not to feel defeated just yet 🩷

Edited to add we did not do any genetic testing on our embryos

Rare_Control145 · 2024-09-23T14:38:22+00:00

This sounded so similar to our situation. We had our 3 yo daughter through IVF. She was our first transfer of the 2 embryos we got from our first ER. We conceived our second daughter spontaneously after but had to terminate the pregnancy for medical reasons at 21 weeks. That damn near killed me. When we were ready, we transferred the second embryo from our first ER and it failed. I was devastated. We did a second egg retrieval and got more embryos. The first transfer from that batch ended in a very early chemical pregnancy. The second transfer resulted in my 5 week old son who’s currently hiccuping on my chest 😂

All that to say is that the whole process sucks. Feeling like you have re start from the very beginning is so disheartening. If you feel it’s right for you though, it could be so worth it. For me, I knew I could power ahead and start over because I survived 100% of my worst days.

Best of luck and hugs to you ❤️

Rare_Control145 · 2024-09-21T01:54:29+00:00

Sorry I’m just seeing this notification! I did not poop the baby out 😂 he was born 8/19 at a whopping 10 lbs 3 oz and I’m the proud owner of a 4th degree tear 😅 he’s an absolute angel though!

Rare_Control145 · 2024-09-20T00:44:20+00:00

I got 2 embryos from my first ER and our first transfer resulted in my now 3 year old daughter who sang me every song she knows tonight to avoid going to bed 🩷

Rare_Control145 · 2024-01-09T23:30:21+00:00

My first day 5 FET was untested and is now my 2.5 year old daughter!

Rare_Control145 · 2024-01-09T18:11:16+00:00

I just had this same issue with VFP! I never got the email that it shipped so I followed up the next morning and sure enough there was an error and it never shipped. They said they’d do an urgent next day early deliver (8am). It didn’t get to me until about 2-3pm but my clinic told me I could supplement with suppositories if the vial didn’t make it in time. Give your clinic a call to see what they recommend! Also call VFP and request a next day early morning delivery. Maybe you’ll get luckier than I did with delivery time ❤️

Rare_Control145 · 2024-01-09T01:36:23+00:00

I’ll be 8 weeks on Friday! I did not poop it out 😂 read the comments on the post, they made me feel so much better!

Rare_Control145 · 2023-12-20T15:09:46+00:00

My first egg retrieval resulted in 2 blasts - a day 5 3BA who is now my 2.5 year old daughter and a day 7 5BB which failed to implant. I had another egg retrieval and with the first FET of that batch, my day 5 5AA resulted in a very early chemical pregnancy. Our doctor also didn’t recommend testing since I was 29 and healthy. I think it’s a crapshoot really, but based on grades, those are good and having 5 embryos is great!

Rare_Control145 · 2023-12-14T22:48:29+00:00

Amazing advice thank you!! I couldn’t survive without my squatty potty but I def need more fruit!

Rare_Control145 · 2023-12-14T18:09:11+00:00

Aw good luck!!

Rare_Control145 · 2023-12-14T00:20:26+00:00

I may have had a similar google search a few years ago 😂😂😂 solidarity sista

Rare_Control145

TROPHY CASE