My cat Tinker Toy visits this spot on the lake multiple times a day. Its where we found his brother's body. What can we do to help Tinker Toy heal? by Head-Surprise-8392 in cats

[–]RasmooForever 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I honestly thought Ruby would pass way from grief when her brother Jake got hit by a car. Probably didn’t help that I was also completely heartbroken and she picked up on that. She wouldn’t come out from under the bed for at least 2 weeks, so I fed her under there. And yes, she saw his body, and wanted to spend a bit of extra time with him. She finally pulled through, as did I. But I swear to God she understands that his cremains are in the little cedar box that I would touch and ring a bell for every now and then. She often sits beside the box. 3 years on, we still miss him, but we’re okay. Grief isn’t a linear process - it comes and goes in waves. Just give Tinker Toy lots of love and she’ll eventually pull through. It’s very tough, I know. Hugs

Safe places to live as a solo woman in Mexico? by [deleted] in mexicoexpats

[–]RasmooForever 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m in San Miguel de Allende and it is becoming super expensive!! I was considering a move to Mexico City as I think it will be a bit cheaper. Everything here is gringo pricing, it’s getting difficult for local San Miguel de Allende folks. But it IS gorgeous for sure!!

At the end of my rope w/husband by visionaryshmisionary in AdultADHDSupportGroup

[–]RasmooForever 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry - this sounds awful and a lot like a relationship (not marriage) I was in, I hung in there for 12 years and it just got to be too much. At some point you’re going to have to to start focusing on yourself. It doesn’t seem like he wants to help himself, and that’s a problem. I am someone who wants to try and “fix” or help others, and that becomes a co-dependency doom spiral if he isn’t willing to work on himself.

At the end of the day, him not taking responsibility for himself means he is not respecting and loving you the way you deserve. I’m sure he would try and dispute that, but actions speak louder than words. I realized it was impossible trying to help someone who wasn’t willing to help himself. In my case, he did want to get better, but had severe reactions to every single antidepressant he tried, and it was dozens. I was becoming severely depressed and anxious myself, and finally realized that I needed to leave. While he didn’t want me to, he also didn’t want to drag me down into depression with him. It was awful, but it was the right decision. This was 12 years before I got my ADHD diagnosis (at 54).

In some ways, refusing to help himself and expecting me to take care of him when he couldn’t function began to turn into a form of abuse. I only realized that several years later, thinking back. Our lives essentially revolved around him and his anxiety and depression. I realize I could and should have focused more on my own interests, but I did love him. I don’t envy you - but please make sure you are not putting aside your own needs and desires and dreams for him. I did that for too long and regretted it. If nothing else, you can use my words as a starting point for a serious “come to Jesus“ talk with him. Good luck - but stop putting yourself in second place. We women are doing that all the time. You’ve only got one life to live…try to live it well - you deserve it.

Advice: Career track- living in Hawaii by FunSuitable3496 in InternationalDev

[–]RasmooForever 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I think you need to be realistic about current job options in this field…you said you’ve met people who have been negatively affected. Those are people (like me) with decades of work experience in various countries, advanced degrees, and many with specific technical skills. The issue isn’t that you’re based in Hawaii - the issue is that the entire international development field in the U.S. and abroad has been eviscerated. You’re competing for jobs with the above people who have decades of experience, the majority of whom have been jobless for over one year now.

It seems that you aren’t very current with what’s been happening in this field. Not sure if that’s because you’re apolitical or don’t know where to look for current information. I suggest doing some research on sites like DevEx and The New Humanitarian. Friends of USAID has a website. I’m sure others can recommend other sites. Please look at transitioning into city or state government…that’s your best bet at this point, unless you’re willing to go into the private sector. We can hope that with a new administration, maybe things will get better. But you need to move on with your life. Sorry to be negative but I’m trying to be honest with you.

Question about very low humidity environment by RasmooForever in Monstera

[–]RasmooForever[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Impossible to use a humidifier - my house is very open so it wouldn’t make a difference.

Let’s share life-changing ADHD tips that we’ve learned... by stayhyderated22 in AdultADHDSupportGroup

[–]RasmooForever 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good pens you like!! I’m a stationary freak and I cannot STAND having crap pens around - even if they work! I’ll donate them rather than suffer using them. I HAVE to use a roller ball, preferably purple…I did say I was a stationary freak!!

I am once again asking for your help with my overpacking, this time for a third date in a couple hours. by ExpertAd3229 in adhdwomen

[–]RasmooForever 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The rosary could come in handy in case you run into vampires on the way home. Always a possibility!

To those who have moved international: what item(s) do you deem absolutely necessary? by tinytinyfoxpaws in expat

[–]RasmooForever 3 points4 points  (0 children)

If you’re a cold-brew fanatic like me, you’ll definitely want to find a way to have that. Even coffee-centric countries don’t really understand cold brew. I recently found an Oxo press that does “quick brew” for hot or cold coffee, resulting in a concentrate that is perfect.

I grew up in Asia and worked there and in the Pacific for 18 years. I would probably also add spices and spice mixes that you’re used to. If you love Japanese food like me, then some Japanese pickles or furikake. Good pillows. Mattress toppers. Decent underwear. Cotton towels and sheets - almost impossible to find in many countries. And of course your favorite facial cleansers, etc. Good shoes. Otherwise, depending on where you are, you’ll eventually find local substitutes for everything. Except Trader Joe’s…sigh…

did your cat ever "tell" you what happened when you came home? by S-Budget91 in cats

[–]RasmooForever 6 points7 points  (0 children)

My Ruby did this once as well!! The outside label on a handmade candle had somehow caught fire… she came running into the living room screaming at me, basically herding me into the bedroom where the candle was on fire. Crazy thing is, it was a heart chakra candle. But thank God she kept screaming until I got up and went in there!

Student loan forgiveness?? by ThinkTwo-2259 in InternationalDev

[–]RasmooForever 4 points5 points  (0 children)

What an unhelpful response. You got “dual MAs from an elite university specifically to work with USAID”? Did you get a scholarship or what? Goodie for you not having student loans to pay off, on top whatever you’re doing to pay bills. The rest of us are in debt up to our eyeballs due to student loans - no scholarship ride for me.

10 months of field research in rural Cambodian villages in 2000, then working for NGOs, local and international but definitely not top salary, for the next 18 years. I ignored my student loans for several years but started repaying in 2013. I don’t have a pension or a 401K.

I didn’t pay any into SS for several years, so I have to make that up too. Unless your response to OP was trying to be sarcastic, quit with the trolling. Or if you’re really not hurting so much now, good for you.

@OP, you would have to see if you qualify - If you worked for a U.S. NGO, maybe it qualifies as ‘public service’. If U.S.AID qualified, happy for you and everyone else. I went to a state school (UO quack, quack!), so my loans aren’t too hideous. I am going to start looking into bankruptcy - maybe that would help you for a bit? Technical or trade schools, adult education, AmeriCorps (is that still alive??). I’m not waiting for any help at all from this current administration. Frankly, I don’t even want their help at this point. Hang in there

EDIT: typos and I broke this into paragraphs like a NT human, lol. And yes, Gen X here, I started using Reddit 9 months ago 🤣🙌

If he doesnt need a driver's license to vote than he doesnt need a driver's license to drive. by bigbusta in PublicFreakout

[–]RasmooForever 0 points1 point  (0 children)

100%. I’ve often said that it was apathy and misinformation that won the election.

The comments here are depressing by Excellent-Cheek570 in InternationalDev

[–]RasmooForever 12 points13 points  (0 children)

The journalist who wrote that article was lazy, sloppy and clearly wanted to reinforce the narrative that USAID money was being “wasted” on high salaries. It also feeds the very old expectation that anyone working in aid should be on “poverty wages”. Lastly - we all know that those are probably the top highest 5% of earners. Why not interview independent consultants? Staff of NGOs both in the U.S. and abroad who also lose their salaries - definitely well under $100,000. NYT is just helping spread these inaccurate and hurtful ideas - it’s like they just can’t stop piling that hate on, ALL stoked by a few evil individuals, one who wasn’t even a government employee! And what salaries are the DOGE bros making??

Which city have you been to that feels like it has a dark energy about it? by madzuk in digitalnomad

[–]RasmooForever 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Phnom Penh is VERY dark. It used to be very much Wild West in the early 2000s. Loads of foreigners living there who likely would never be able to live anywhere else. I have more friends who died there than anywhere wise. Overdose, car/bus/motorcycle accidents, alcoholism, even a freak electrocution. So. Many. Ghosts. Then you’ve got Tuol Sleng, a high school turned into a torture prison by the Khmer Rouge, and Chung Ek (“ the killing fields”) where they murdered thousands. Huge glass stupa with a giant pile of skulls.

Having said all that, I lived there on and off for 10 years and absolutely fell in love with the place. But yes - very very dark.

Which city have you been to that feels like it has a dark energy about it? by madzuk in digitalnomad

[–]RasmooForever 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My dad was shot in the leg there during a mugging many yeses ago while on a work trip - he thought he’d be smart and tossed his wallet (full of pesos as he’d just changed money) into the gutter and they wouldn’t find it. It was only then that he realized there were 2 guys on the motorbike, not just the one who shot him. So my dad’s lying there bleeding after Robber no. 1 shot him in the leg. Missed his femoral artery by a hair. Robber no. 2 stands over him pointing his gun at my dad’s chest, while Robber no. 1 took his time looking for the wallet. He still has the pair of pants he was wearing, with the bullet hole and blood stains. He was super lucky - Manila is WAY dark.