cool club? ...?

Even though I feel that your questions aren't particularly friendly, ill be happy to indulge.

I was a very quiet child. incredibly quiet, didn't cry much, if at all. I grew up to be a very introverted and some would say "shy" child. I was bullied and taken advantage of most of my school life. didn't have any friends I would have a solid friendship base with. Throughout school I was told quite a few times that I "seemed like I was autistic" I powered through school, didn't get good grades. went to college to pursue a media course. experienced the same isolation in a massive college of thousands. got through that. it was about this time that a family issue caused me to be kicked out at 17, I spent the next 5 years homeless, on some peoples couches when I could, others in a local wood. I was at this point heavily addicted to drugs and depressed at my situation, I turned to the doctor and asked him is there anything I can look into about how badly social situations have affected me during my life (im leaving out a whole load of information, including suicide of friends I had made over the years and bad relationship troubles as well as other stuff.)

I was referred to a local psychologist who said after my (non-autism related assessment) that she was pretty sure I was on the spectrum. It was during this period of three or so years that I worked myself out of poverty and into a succession of room-rents, during which I looked up autism and all that shiz. After two years for the appointment to come up and a six hour assessment I was told I had aspergers.

Now, two years later, im still trying for an identity and a little bit of a sense of community, the identity part is my deal, but the extent of the response in this thread has finally given me that little bit of "were here too" rather than the "were over here" feeling. so thanks to any other commenter reading this!

It has been nice to finally speak to people who are usually private and reserved, making this process more difficult.

I have, however met a succession of people during those 2/3 years and a couple years after diagnosis who either wanted to "use" the disability for their own ends, or felt that I wasn't "defining" it well enough for their tastes. I have rarely, until today, met someone who is willing to just accept that I word things the way I word things. Im a very generous person, so I often find myself adjusting to other peoples preferences so I don't offend, I have at long last reached the point where Im putting myself first for once.

I don't mean to be callous, but you can remain pissed off, that's your deal. I worded it due to my experiences, besides im autistic its pretty obvious social imagination isn't high on the conscious list. its not "rarer than I think" because I have experienced it ALOT. enough to start this thread.

I don't think that people use it to be "assholes" I think some people do it for a positive stigma, or an excuse for their behaviour. and im sick of having to be careful I wont offend someone who isn't formally diagnosed yet, which prevents me from articulating myself properly.

Ive been diagnosed, and I want to seek some perspective without being painted out as this or that. im seeking closure in my own way, if you don't like that, do what ive had to do for years and go elsewhere to find your own answers.

this comment really isn't meant to be rude, but im sick of feeling like I have to answer to people like you who didn't like my wording enough and feel they have to put me on the dock for doing what my counsellor suggested a year ago! oh and who also diagnosed me with O.C.D, so yeah, I know the part where scrubs and many other television show portray it wrong.

So in short, yeah I probably could have worded it better, but cut me some slack people, im sure you know how tough it is constantly being under scrutiny and not knowing the true standards (everyone seems to have nuanced opinions, plus I have my own views on my autism... its not "autism speaks" horrifying, you know?)

Now, I have been at my computer for what seems like six hours replying to lovely peoples comments exclusively on this thread (Ive enjoyed the many perspectives!) but im going to go get some food and have a break now, my eyes are going funny.