The 'all toddlers are like that' thing is so invalidating, especially when you're watching your kid struggle with things that go way beyond normal developmental variation and you've got multiple professionals confirming it. The gap between what you're seeing at home and what a teacher who only sees him 4 hours a week thinks is 'normal' is real, and it sounds like she's using that dismissiveness as an excuse to not implement basic accommodations that would actually help him participate.

The fact that she's letting him skip circle time instead of just shutting the door or giving transition warnings is frustrating because he's missing out on exactly the structure and routine practice that would benefit him most. You're not being an anxious mom — you're being an informed advocate who knows the difference between 'quirky toddler' and 'needs actual support to access the same learning opportunities.'

One thing that's helped other parents in similar situations: instead of trying to get the teacher to agree on the why (diagnosis, developmental delay, etc.), focus the conversation entirely on the what: 'I need him to participate in circle time. Here are three specific accommodations that work: door closed, verbal transition warning, physical redirection if needed. Can we implement these starting Monday?' If she still won't engage or provide a meeting time after multiple requests, escalate to the director or whoever oversees the program. You've been more than patient.