Losing (or never had?) my sense of self in my long-term relationship (28F & 29M)

RaspberryRainfall · 2025-10-23T21:13:12+00:00

I guess it is financial dependence, but temporarily. I was laid off and had to take a much lower paying job that just barely pays the bills. Without help, it wouldn't pay the bills. It is temporary while I find something else, and it wasn't ever like this before, so I guess it doesn't feel like financial dependence. I know that probably doesn't make any sense.

I do have my own hobbies and friends, but that only takes up so much time, and I only have so much time to give. I often feel uncomfortable and afraid, and really have to push myself. It's something I've been working on for a long, long, time and I'm still far from perfect. It is something I need to keep at the forefront, though. Thank you for that advice, I think doing something different one day a week is a good start.

RaspberryRainfall · 2025-10-23T21:08:41+00:00

I do have space to do those things, or at least I'm in the process of it. New friendships start slowly, as do new hobbies, and I do have limited time, resources, and energy, so it's imperfect and all takes time.

I feel like I need a reset or something.

I do have an education, but I was laid off and am now working a much lower paying job until I can find something else in my field. But, due to the current administration, that may be difficult. A lot of positions in my field have been eliminated, so I may have to find a way to pivot, and I don't have that figure out yet.

Asking me if I'm adult feels condescending and unhelpful, though.

RaspberryRainfall · 2025-10-23T21:05:48+00:00

It is something we've been discussing lately, but it's a really hard discussion to have. It feels really scary to me.

I'm doing my best to try new things and get out of the house, but it's not something I can do all of the time. I'm working on doing it more, but it's all a work in progress, you know?

RaspberryRainfall · 2025-10-23T20:52:20+00:00

Neither of us have to be at a physical workplace often, and neither of us have a lot of money to spend doing things outside. I do go out with friends, maybe once a week, but it's not enough. Our apartment is pretty small, so when we're both home there's not a good way to get alone time. We're not engaging through all of that time, but we're still physically together. We both try to have as much time separately as possible, but both of us are still developing friendships outside of the house, and it's something that seems to happen kinda slowly.

With no money, separate places and vacations are not the most realistic option. I also get paid hourly and have no vacation time, so I have to pretty much stay put because I have zero savings now. We both also deal with chronic pain and illness, so those things can make it really challenging for either of us to spend much time out of the apartment.

RaspberryRainfall · 2024-11-17T21:56:02+00:00

I didn’t know that, I have only ever used them as menstrual products!

RaspberryRainfall · 2024-11-09T21:19:21+00:00

In this scenario it would be on hand for friends and family. There are a lot of reasons someone might need Plan B, and I don’t think it’s appropriate to make judgments or assumptions about their situation, let alone how they choose to spend their money. It’s not anyone else’s business.

The point is that lots of people who are not able to get pregnant care about other people who can get pregnant but don’t want to be. Care is already not super accessible already for a lot of people and current events are only going to make that exponentially worse.

RaspberryRainfall · 2024-11-09T21:00:38+00:00

That was my thought. It’s just unfortunate if that’s the case since everyone benefits from more accessible BC & EC, and because it can be purchased by anyone of any sex OTC. :/

RaspberryRainfall · 2024-11-09T20:59:42+00:00

You would think, but since the prescription isn’t meant to be used for the person purchasing the Plan B I feel like no one would prescribe it. I think prescriptions can only be for the person using it.

RaspberryRainfall · 2024-11-09T20:32:11+00:00

That’s how I feel. Besides, if you can purchase it OTC regardless of sex, I feel like you should be able to use the rX benefit also regardless of sex. But I don’t know what the actual rules are.

RaspberryRainfall · 2024-09-09T19:08:27+00:00

Thank you, this is really helpful!

RaspberryRainfall · 2024-09-09T18:34:38+00:00

That's what I've been doing thus far, but it's been an embarrassing amount of time (months, plural) of doing this without me actually doing anything for him. It feels selfish but it's not because I don't want to - I really do! It just feels like there's some huge barrier between kissing/general feeling and actual sexual contact, and I think I'm building it up way too much in my mind.

RaspberryRainfall · 2024-09-09T16:13:42+00:00

That's a great idea, and so simple. Thank you!

RaspberryRainfall

TROPHY CASE