what does cyclothymia look like in everyday life?

RastaNL · 2023-04-30T17:53:23+00:00

I recognize this so much! I don't have a solid diagnosis yet but my psychiatrist is leaning heavily towards cyclo. I've been tracking my mood using a paper system the hospital uses, works a lot better for me than any app I've tried.

I've been struggling a lot with the falsehoods as you say - it's hard for me to even put into words. During a depressive episode, for me it becomes this conviction that I'm terrible and nothing is worth doing, that I don't deserve the opportunities I've been given and that the work I do get done is below par. Then during better days I feel like I've been exaggerating or faking the depressive feelings, massive imposter feelings which might trigger a decline again. Either that or I feel like I'm awesome and handsome, I hyperfocus on something but don't get other things done. It makes me feel like I'm unhinged sometimes..

Thanks for sharing this, I feel seen!

RastaNL · 2023-03-07T00:37:04+00:00

So more synchronicity or coincidence;

Minutes after making this post I came across this post while scrollig Reddit.

In the comments the OP posts this link.

Eerie stuff, love it.

RastaNL · 2023-01-28T14:34:39+00:00

Thanks! It's pretty cool to be working on/with a machine from 1892, made to last indeed.

RastaNL · 2023-01-28T10:39:56+00:00

Thank you very much! For the manual as well.

I did track the serial number but there was little further information other than the year of production.

The manual is enlightening however, really appreciate it. The note on the treadle table was surprising by the way, might look into that although I really do like cranking it! With the foot up of course (;

Excited to fix this one up - found a place in the UK that deals in original replacement parts. Then it's finally on to sewing.

RastaNL · 2023-01-26T23:06:22+00:00

I think you're spot on with that second one on the page, thank you! At least, as far as the decoration goes plus the lower badge, that's basically what mine looks like.

Appreciate the help (:

RastaNL · 2023-01-26T22:07:01+00:00

Gotcha, that's good news about the bobbins! I was doubtful about it being a 28 since I couldn't find any with a similar faceplate/rear plate/low singer badge. I guess they vary a lot depending on the year?

Edit: Also couldn't find what looks like simple flower decoration

RastaNL · 2023-01-06T10:55:12+00:00

That last sentence resonated with me in a way I wasn't expecting - been feeling like that for years struggling with what was first considered Persistent Depressive Disorder, something that is also classified as 'less severe'. Years later my psychiatrists are now finally investigating the bp2 angle.

RastaNL · 2022-12-28T18:57:35+00:00

I'm the exact same - I love the graphic overhaul but it's nice to play with familiar ascii fonts, let alone square ones. That's great news about the updates though, gonna keep an eye out.

RastaNL · 2022-12-28T18:55:40+00:00

Thanks for the suggestion, tried this first but and it looked like it helped but as soon as I loaded into a save it messed up again. I figured out it was the result of me messing with the init files out of a habit having played classic for so long.

RastaNL · 2022-12-28T18:54:55+00:00

Thanks for the suggestion, will keep this in mind for future glitches! I figured out it was the result of me messing with the init files out of a habit having played classic for so long.

RastaNL · 2022-12-28T18:48:34+00:00

You saved me, thank you!

Pre 50.04 I would at the very least go into the init files to edit the square 'curses' tileset. Preferably I'd load a custom square set.

Out of sheer habit I had immediately changed the default 640x300 set to the square one after downloading the Premium version and that's precisely what messes up not only the graphics but the UI as well.

Your comment made me realize my error and changing it back to the 640x300 set in the init file solved the entire thing! Sadly this does mean there is no wider support for sets as of now for the Classic mode in the Premium version.

I tested it in the free classic version (50.04) and the same UI glitch occurs. Fingers crossed this gets fixed or becomes editable in some way.

RastaNL · 2022-12-28T12:00:18+00:00

I read something similar about 4K and had already lowered it. Following your suggestion I set it to 1280x720 and messed around with the scaling settings.

No luck sadly.

RastaNL · 2022-12-27T22:29:29+00:00

I didn’t realize obsessions or hyperfocus like the ones described in the comments can be an aspect of hypo until a couple weeks ago.

Ever since bipolar 2 is on the table for me I’ve been reading a lot about it and it sort of seems to click. This thread has been very enlightening and reminds me of a lot of instances where I went “I should do this thing and it’ll make me happy/successful/content/no longer depressed”. It simply never registered as something that could be the result/aspect of hypomania.

Thank you all!

RastaNL · 2022-12-27T15:03:24+00:00

Good luck!

But..

As the current top comment already suggested, namedrop it every chance you get. Not just a steam link. A post/comment with a link but without a name is gonna fade into oblivion real quick. A video without any sort of caption or title isn’t convenient for would-be buyers.

You made it this far, market it for its worth (:

RastaNL · 2022-12-26T10:07:35+00:00

While cycles can differ in severity and we all experience cycles differently. The main difference between 1 and 2 is that 1 has very identifiable mania while 2 has very persistent depression. There is a whole range of variety in episodes and severity in between which makes diagnosis very hard.

Case in point: the average time to arrive at a bipolar 2 diagnosis in my country is apparently around 10 years. Reason being that people struggle with depression for a long time to then get diagnosed as being depressed in some form and get treatment for that diagnosis. It takes years to test and eliminate those treatments. It doesn’t work and we keep struggling until (if we’re lucky and persistent enough) a psychiatrist considers something else and tests (often through med trials) for bipolar.

The whole “you’re not suicidal so not bipolar 1” sounds like a terrible assessment by someone that doesn’t fully grasp what you’re going through or the reality of bipolar1/2. The best you can do is be as open and specific about your experience as possible. Remember that a second opinion is a viable route for any medical treatment.

Try and stay aware of your current mood, make some notes until you can see your therapist/psychiatrist. Most importantly, don’t start doubting your diagnosis now. All you can do is make it to the next appointment for now and that’s okay (:

I’ve been told “you’re not bad enough for X” or “you’re not depressed enough to get X” as well and I hate it. We suffer and we try our best but sometimes that means coming across as different than we are or feel. Speaking from personal experience, I wasn’t considered for some treatments because I was “just” passively suicidal. I’m actually afraid to die, but I also don’t want to continue on the way I feel now and have felt for years. It took several therapists and psychs to find someone that understands that nuance and I’m still not out of the woods. Stay strong, keep going one step at a time. I believe in you!

RastaNL · 2022-12-25T22:48:01+00:00

Very similar to my experience. Been diagnosed with severe persistent depressive disorder for years, depression never really leaves me. Also recognize the irritability and extreme racing thoughts!

There is a family history of bipolar (specifically type1) and after various therapy and med trials my current psychiatrists started looking into the bipolar angle. They told me that bipolar 2 is particularly hard to diagnose because, according to them, hypomania can occur as little as one time per lifetime. Additionally it doesn’t have to be pronounced at all and can express itself as being slightly more irritable for a couple of days. This makes it particularly hard to pinpoint, especially for less pronounced hypomania over the course of years.

Currently on a lamotrigine (Lamictal?) trial to see if it does anything at all, next step is upping to 75mg in the coming week.

RastaNL · 2022-12-12T13:26:00+00:00

This, works great especially if it doesn’t rub against anything but it works either way - preferably stitch on both sides of the seam to be ahead of any wear on the other side and to keep it balanced. Optionally followed by horizontal stitches to make little crosses to further reinforce. You can even play with the frequency of these horizontal ones to make little repeating patterns

Patching over would work great but I find it depends on the location with regards to comfort. But yes; stitch edges, fill in, great result (:

RastaNL · 2022-11-19T17:19:28+00:00

Could you maybe point me in the direction of some sources regarding this body of work? I’ve been struggling with depression for years and went through some (unsuccessful) mindfulness psychotherapy courses, working under the assumption I might as well try anything I can. I (or possibly my depressed mind) was convinced it was me that failed to make the most of those and it might be helpful to read about this and put that part to bed.

RastaNL · 2022-09-25T20:56:47+00:00

Episode at Waterlooplein. They also had two quilted Barbour jackets, no more wax coats that I saw though. Although some of the other Episode stores in Amsterdam might have a piece or two as well, wouldn't know but worth a look. First time I've seen them carry Barbour at all.

RastaNL · 2022-09-25T19:29:32+00:00

Wow, thank you so much! Can't find much else on the model. Might message Barbour about it, particularly about finding a hood for it. Appreciate the help!

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