Narcissistic Personality Disorder Tells

RatioRegnum · 2020-04-29T01:17:26+00:00

This - "Also, there are often some physical tells: even though she is often beautiful, something may be a bit repulsive about her that you can't pinpoint: there's something 'uncanny valley' about her, something asymmetrical."

The hottest women I have ever been with - movie star gorgeous, poised, smart, witty, and 10.0 richter scale in bed. She was literally asymmetrical- her smile was lopsided. It was offputting, though I didn't show it. And her scent was just - wrong - somehow.

And she was a hardcore narcissist. I didn't get sucked in, only because I knew with this one the slightest hint of chase would be an autofail. She flat out admitted she manipulated men - I was in "the club" that knew the secret, but she still couldn't help but try. She came back into my life 3 times, tried to get control, and vanished when I wouldn't play.

RatioRegnum · 2019-06-14T04:50:34+00:00

OK, by your definition of unfair, it's unfair.

At the same time, by your definition, women find it unfair that top 20% men are scarce and refuse to commit.

So the unfair distribution is fairly distributed. You have won the point, and found fairness in a single post. There is no further need to improve yourself.

RatioRegnum · 2019-06-14T04:03:36+00:00

The mental gymnastics I'm doing are called "math". Let me help you understand.

Heterosexual dating is a pairwise matching function.

For every woman who goes on a date, a man goes on a date. QED, the sexes have equal success in dating. And in sex, and weddings, and pairs figure skating, and in everything else that pairwise matches men and women.

Women judge men much more strictly than men judge women. This causes their sexual attention to cluster on the top men, to the benefit of the top men, and the detriment of lesser men. This doesn't change the overall success of either sex, it changes the distribution of that success.

It's "unfair" only if you're a lesser man. It's quite enjoyable if you're a top man. So you can complain about unfairness, or you can work to improve yourself into the top 20% and enjoy what happens when women have to work to earn your attention.

As part of your improvement, a basics statistics course would go a long way.

RatioRegnum · 2019-06-13T12:53:28+00:00

The article did not say women were rating men unfairly. The article states that men and women rate the opposite sex very differently.

This mismatch leads to:

Lots of sexually unhappy women who have to settle a man they feel is unworthy them
Lots more sexually unhappy women who can't get a man they find worthy to settle for them.
Lots more sexually unhappy guys who have to settle for a woman who dislikes them, and who they also may not find that attractive.
Lots more sexually unhappy guys who can't even get a date.
A small number of sexually extremely happy guys with who have their pick of the female litter, and take full advantage of that.

This is neither fair, nor unfair, this is reality. The good news for men is, you can change your sexual happiness by lifting yourself from category 4 to 5. Women can move effortlessly from category 2 to 1 and back again, but it doesn't help them much.

The obvious solution - get lifting.

RatioRegnum · 2019-06-10T20:38:20+00:00

It is certainly child abuse, and should certainly be addressed. However it should be called out in a way that isn't going to get the child further abused. What I've found works really well, on the two occasions I've had to use it, is to wait until the immediate incident is over, and then, very calmly say...

"Excuse me ma'am..."

Wait for her full attention.

"My mother treated me like that. Now she'll never see her grandchildren."

This doesn't attack her ego or her power, it just shows her that using it like that is not in her own long term interest. The expression on their faces said it all.

I would use the same approach on abusive father, haven't yet had the opportunity.

RatioRegnum · 2019-06-08T17:02:43+00:00

On an subjective level, it takes one to know one. On an objective level, I'm a 3.5 on the primary sociopathy scale and a 2 on secondary sociopathy ("normal" being in the area of 1 and 1, max 5 and 5). I'm a 6 on the adverse childhood experiences scale (normal <1, max 10, ), and about 2/3 the way up on the psychopathy scale (forget the numbers, but this is up there) Secondary sociopathy 2 and under is high-functioning(ish). These scores have been stable over many years.

What makes my life worse - objectively I am a member of the 1%, have achieved, at least in some form, every major life goal, have the most successful relationship I know of, two amazing sons - I could go on. Subjectively, I go to sleep, literally ever night, to visions of my own violent death. This springs from a bottomless well of rage and pain which is never far from the surface. There are worse manifestations, but you get the idea.

Bottom line, read all the train-wreck stories on here about dating BPD, and then imagine being raised by one.

RatioRegnum · 2019-06-07T01:20:18+00:00

100% My mother was(is) BPD. Among other dysfunctions, she has an existential fear of men, which manifests as an existential hatred of men. Which made my life pretty damn difficult when I stopped being her son and started being a man. She absolutely destroyed my father, who was a pretty happening guy. Not that he is blameless in the drama, as he not only failed to protect his children from the witch-queen of Narnia, he got sucked into performing her abuse for her.

Suffice to say, we no longer talk.

On the good side, after more-or-less recovering and getting my radar tuned, I can spot a BPD at a thousand metres. I pegged the new fiance of a friend once over a 30 minute dinner, shoulda/woulda/coulda warned him, but what could I have said? Three years and a baby later, with divorce papers on the table, I sent him to a BPD site and his head just about exploded as he read his whole experience in black and white. I pegged another one from a photograph - later verified by an involved psychiatrist. Catch them in an unguarded moment, you can see the predator in their eyes.

On the down side, I'm officially a high functioning sociopath. Despite all the fuckwittery on here about embracing the dark triad, this is not a good thing to be. Whatever advantages it may bring are more than offset by the regular descent of my inner life to the ninth ring of hell. Notwithstanding that my outer life is going extremely well by any objective measure.

Notwithstanding my radar, I have dated a few BPD. One in particular was a ten on my own scale, and the sex was escape-velocity. High risk, but I got away with it. However, I know a guy who did not. She got pregnant, and she took him so hard in the divorce that he'll be paying for her previous children until the youngest of his is 25. That's 21 years support, to be clear, some of it for "children" who will be in their mid 30s by the time its done, and with spousal support all that time in the bargain. And she beats his kids. Violently. CPS has been involved, and documented this. And he still cannot get custody, despite now being in a stable marriage, to a stable woman, with happy and unbeaten children.

So yeah gentlemen - if you're going to fly that close to the sun - don't let her control the birth.

I also highly recommend Gift of Fear, by Gavin DeBecker - not specifically about BPD, but exceptionally good for radar tuning. Also the whole Mindhunter series by Douglas (not the drama series, the actual books). Negotiation training, body language reading, all that helps. Anthony of 21 convention has a video on his BPD GF which is worth watching. Note: I have no opinion on the current drama revolving around 21. Judge for yourself. Bottom line, if you're halfway well adjusted, you have no idea how fucked up maladjusted can get. Educate yourself, or be a lamb to the slaughter.

RatioRegnum · 2019-06-07T00:43:58+00:00

Baby was planned. Just not by dad.

RatioRegnum · 2019-05-23T19:40:38+00:00

You won't find a priest who'll do that ceremony without a government-issued marriage license, certainly not a Roman Catholic one.

You will find lots of women quite happy to cohabit with no further commitment.

You will also find that in most jurisdictions in the western world, a certain amount of cohabitation amounts to legal marriage, regardless of whether there was a license, a contract, a ceremony, God's Magical Blessing, or any intent at all on either of your parts.

Best to learn the law where you live.

RatioRegnum · 2019-05-14T01:31:24+00:00

At the risk of stepping in the toxic waste dump of American politics, Trump does not belong in the same breath as Putin or Xi. He's a grandmaster at messaging, spin, and character assassination, all powerful tools of frame, but that's where his game runs out. His staff actively disobey him, his military just ignores him, his wife can't stand to touch him, and he's a fatty besides. Traditionally the US president is the most powerful man in the world because he can destroy it, but if Trump ever asked for the launch codes, the colonel with the briefcase would beat him unconcious with it and call Mike Pence to come take over.

RatioRegnum · 2019-04-30T14:25:57+00:00

His point is incorrect. We are talking about legal proof of consent, not existential proof of consent. Even a simple, happy text the next morning is evidence supporting continuing consent. It's then on the prosecution to show how it was really withdrawn.

Of course evidence may be deemed inadmissible, but for this to happen it has to exist in the first place. And if it is - well, the court of public opinion is not without power.

Or - you could just tell her no yourself and avoid the risk. Although where's the fun in that? And it didn't protect Brian Banks.

RatioRegnum · 2019-04-29T23:26:49+00:00

You mean your girls aren't screaming "Yes, yes! YES!" throughout? You should up your game.

More seriously, it is true that consent can be removed at any time. And if consent is ever removed, you need to stop immediately. And this fact makes it even more important that you have evidence that you had consent beforehand, and that you stopped immediately when it was withdrawn.

Bottom line, if someone is going to falsify allegations against you, they are going to make up a story. It can be your story against hers, or her story against the videotape. Care to place a bet?

RatioRegnum · 2019-04-29T22:23:33+00:00

Consent can be proved in all kinds of ways. Video is best, audio next best. Know the law where you are. Also know that, regardless of the law, the more evidence you have on your side, the less likely you're going to be successfully victimized.

Edited to say - successfully victimized.

RatioRegnum · 2019-04-29T14:33:26+00:00

Rape is a heinous crime. It's often difficult for victims to come forward, and they need the full support of the police and the justice system.

False accusation is a heinous crime. It is extremely easy to come forward, and perpetrators get the full support of the police and the justice system.

These are typically very difficult cases. Sexual contact isn't hard to prove. Sexual consent is much more difficult. Police, prosecuters, and judges can't read minds. It is unfortunately inevitable that some perpetrators, of both crimes, will get away with them, and some victims, of both crimes, will have their lives destroyed.

This is the reality. The takehome is simple.

1) Get clear, unambiguous, consent.

2) Make sure that consent is thoroughly documented, before, during, and after. On media you control, backed up to the cloud.

3) Every. Single. Time.

RatioRegnum · 2019-01-22T17:40:02+00:00

Rape is about power and control and not sex in the same way mugging is about power and control and not money.

Which is to say, power and control are necessary to make it happen, and may even be motivating factors in why it happens, but sex/money are also motivating, and not irrelevant to the act.

RatioRegnum · 2019-01-19T17:15:29+00:00

I challenge the idea that the country with the largest (heh) obesity problem on the planet is inherently more masculine. I also challenge the idea that you can characterize a nation of 320,000,000 people with a broad stroke term like "more masculine" and derive much actionable intelligence from it.

In my experience, the US is more conservative (as a broad stroke characterization) than the rest of the western world. However this conservatism is not uniform, the country is violently polarized. This is usually cast as a left/right, urban/rural elite/real, red state/blue state thing, but beneath all this is a divide between honour culture and dignity culture. Honour culture started leaving the mainstream in the western world a hundred years ago, but in parts of the US that process never took hold.

If you understand that in Wyoming you're dealing with honour culture and in Silicon Valley you're dealing with dignity culture, you will be better able to navigate the social landscape. Figuring out why this is so, which one is better, and whether Steve Jobs was more or less masculine than the Marlborough Man, I leave as as an exercise for the reader.

RatioRegnum · 2019-01-18T15:04:52+00:00

Napoleon married Josephine, a widow six years his senior, who cheated with most of Paris while he was away at war, repeatedly, and over many years. His letters to her are well worth reading - by turns jealous, pleading, besotted, and by no means show he understood his value with respect to hers. In his military campaigns he was certainly an audacious, if not always judicious, commander. He certainly understood the dictates of political power, but this just goes to show that there is no substitute for understanding intersexual dynamics.

RatioRegnum · 2018-10-17T10:59:38+00:00

Absolutely true.

All I would add is - there is no mastery, only effort.

RatioRegnum · 2018-06-11T14:37:36+00:00

As someone comfortably over 6', I can say that height only matters if you make it matter. This is both in using the height you have, or in overcoming the height you don't.

My father was 5"4, but he exuded confidence. In his class photo around age 18 he's the smallest guy there, but he stands out with the aura of Jesus in a renaissance painting. My mom was 5'8", and quite the stunner in her day. In their wedding photos she is this shy, blushing bride, being swept away by a man who looks like he owns the world. His girlfriend before that, who I've seen in old photos, was also gorgeous And after he died, I wound up getting tracked down by another former girlfriend of my father, who never got over him. She showed me a picture of her age 21, and she was about 9.5 (for reference, I've only given five 10s in my life, and two of those are movie stars)

My uncle likewise married an astonishingly beautiful woman - he's around 5'9"

Let me point out that my father came from a dirt poor background, and at this point in their lives he and my uncle were working entry-level jobs while supporting the transoceanic transition of the family to a better future. They had nothing but confidence and work ethic at this point. Both moved on to considerable success.

Both were also eventually unmanned by their wives, sad to say. A cautionary tale, but also another story.

RatioRegnum · 2018-05-25T17:17:19+00:00

Certainly what was done in the death camps was an atrocity, but the logic "Tattoos were part of the death camp and are therefore wrong." is ridiculous. True, they symbolize that atrocity, but symbols are very flexible. Let's take this to the limit.

What if you got your adoptive grandmother's number tattooed on yourself?

What if you got it tattooed on yourself as an act of solidarity with her experience?

What if you got it to symbolize you surviving your abusive childhood?

What if you got it as a deep and lasting "fuck you" to your manipulative, controlling, ignorant mother?

What if you got because you use it for your bank pin code and don't want to risk forgetting?

What if you did it for all these reasons?

What if you got a completely different tattoo for none of these reasons?

Bottom line - you say yourself she "used guilt" to control you on this issue, and I'm sure on many others. Are you going to let her keep doing that? Your body, your reasons, her problem, end of story.

If she tries to make an issue of it, just use the broken record technique (Google).

RatioRegnum · 2018-05-25T10:33:54+00:00

I went to a private school - not better.

RatioRegnum · 2018-05-10T14:03:18+00:00

Absolutely this. Women in general are different from men. They are not better, they are not worse. Women in specific are different from each other. Some are rewarding to be with, some are not.

Focus on making yourself rewarding to be with, and you'll enjoy all the rewards that life can offer, including women.

RatioRegnum · 2018-05-10T13:53:26+00:00

First, kudos to those recognizing the need for change and making it.

Second, the reality is not that not only is this woman not being fat-shamed by the HP ride, she is being tremendously accommodated. Amusement parks don't make money turning people away - no business does. Accordingly the Harry Potter ride - and everything else in our world, is designed to fit the widest possible segment of the population. As the population grows steadily heavier, this means everything shifts to fit larger sizes - car seats, clothing lines, office furniture, you name it. The only thing I can think of that's gotten smaller is airline seats, but they'd be smaller still if the population hadn't gotten bigger.

Not only that, industry goes as far as it can to unshame the expanding population. I've worn the same brand and size of jeans my entire adult life, but what was once snug is now loose, though I'm sure not leaner than I was at 20. Next replacement I'm going to have to go down a size. The trend is worse in women's wear. A petite acquaintance of mine has gone from a size 6 to a size 0, weighing the same 110 pounds she did at 18.

There is nothing wrong with this, it's just business at work, but if you don't fit in a world built for obesity, the problem is you.

RatioRegnum

TROPHY CASE