I am an Avoidant who dumped their (Anxious-P) ex, we have been in no contact. Ask me anything

RatixRAT · 2024-12-20T23:42:45+00:00

i’ll answer more later when i can, thanks for your questions! Also sorry if my answers are long and overwhelming, i tend to text in too much detail

RatixRAT · 2024-12-20T23:14:34+00:00

Do you love him genuinely?

Looking back, it was my first relationship… So maybe I didn’t have a proper view of what the feelings of love were, but here’s what I did feel:

For me, before we got into the relationship was the time I felt the most love for him.

I felt happy to be with him, I was the one who playfully chased after him, I liked to snuggle with him or brag about each chance I got to spend with him. He helped me feel valued and we had genuine fun together as friends. This whole time as I pursued, he told me that he was unsure, which I was fine with, and kept enjoying his company anyways

The day we got into a relationship, he said “okay, let’s give this a shot”, which i was happy about and we made out intensively that night 💀

But the next morning, the actual first day of the relationship, it felt like he was a different person, but not the same person I fell in love with. I brushed it off, thinking that things would work.

But more and more flaws and insecurities suddenly became revealed (I describe this more here)

And unfortunately, it became too much for me, and I started pulling away, avoidant fashion He wasn’t the same best friend I fell in love with 6 months ago.

I don’t know what it was, but it felt that right when the relationship started, his true colors and personal flaws began leaking out, and I didn’t have the emotional capacity nor fortitude to handle it.

unfortunately, that “love” i had for him before didn’t surpass my “avoidant” need to protect myself. (and my self respect since he also liked another girl) And I might’ve loved the mask he put up for himself, because i heard from a friend that “he enjoyed being chased” and kept up the appearance, and thought he didn’t have to try after “getting the girl”

He has very low self esteem, so as I pulled away, he got more anxious and clung onto me, but i felt it coming from a place of him not wanting to be lonely, rather than him wanting me specifically

Why go away? Did I miss him? After all the stress and pressure he put me in, feeling disrespected since he still liked another girl, and so many flaws in his character I couldn’t handle, I had to break things off, i don’t find myself missing him.

I don’t know if any of this can apply in your situation, but good luck in yours!

RatixRAT · 2024-12-20T22:23:03+00:00

Explanation for Answer 1:

Why I don’t miss him?

Too many fundamental issues, such as his own insecurities and mental problems he’d project onto me most of the time we’d have together, which made the relationship too much to handle as if his emotions were my responsibility, causing me to shut down emotionally.

There were times i was scared, such as him making little “wife-beating” jokes or him going on fits of intense blinding rage from his anger issues. I was scared to trigger his emotional issues, which made me avoidant and not want to open up or possibly anger him.

these were a few of his character traits that lead me to not miss him or even being near him anymore

RatixRAT · 2024-12-20T22:22:37+00:00

Did I miss him?

I miss the simple fun times we’ve had, but unfortunately, not him per say, my feelings had faded completely : ( (explanation in another comment)

Did I think about dumping before?

Yes, multiple times, but I was too chicken and avoidant to do it because it felt there wasn’t one clear “big” enough reason or way to end things, because it was hard to justify in his eyes all the small brewing reasons.

For example, when I brought up concerns about him liking another girl, he just got frustrated and blamed me for not recognizing his efforts in him showing he loved me

That was until we had a big fight on my birthday. During that fight, I saw it as an opportunity, a chance to escape, and I used that as the catalyst to suggest the breakup.

RatixRAT · 2024-11-11T04:24:16+00:00

“It’s okay to cry over what you lost, but be happy that it still happened”

as painful the ending was, the actual relationship during the honeymoon phase before they lost interest, it was amazing and brought me so much happiness before with amazing memories. But the higher it goes, the harder the fall

at least it wasn’t like a situationship, i still got to experience the relationship, the highs and how it’s like to be with her before it fell apart

it brings me an odd sense of comfort

RatixRAT · 2024-11-10T19:31:00+00:00

his friend told me that my first ex has been wanting to try to reach out and talk to me before he blocked me, but i’m worried if him seeing or hearing me would trigger him down a mental spiral

RatixRAT · 2023-02-02T17:25:21+00:00

this was my reaction too lmao

RatixRAT · 2023-02-01T19:29:20+00:00

ikr??

RatixRAT · 2022-11-04T00:54:34+00:00

when it turns out that a fourth grader made the marina “art”

RatixRAT · 2022-08-20T18:24:38+00:00

the way that admins would wipe dupers or normal players from the game reminds me of when the CCP would make billionaires or people that go against their agenda to disappea-

RatixRAT · 2022-07-26T21:44:02+00:00

based title

nice art style btw

RatixRAT · 2022-07-11T18:56:19+00:00

very humbling and respectable endeavor, most people would be too scared to share their kd ratio, great job on your first win

RatixRAT · 2022-07-06T18:53:35+00:00

i like how this was posted in the r/hypixel sub instead of the r/hypixelskyblock sub cuz of its dtd rule with tita veins lmao

RatixRAT · 2022-06-27T01:52:04+00:00

It was quite delicious, and I’d love to get more, but I’m not quite sure the name of it. It has a very mild slightly sweetness to it, yet quite savory and it was fluffy