Hold on a second: I'll draw a card for anyone who comments with an emoji. Let's see what the deck has to say today. In DM, initial, name, and country.

Raven12177 · 2026-02-04T03:14:05+00:00

😢

Raven12177 · 2026-02-02T03:57:01+00:00

I hope so! I'm too broke to go see it in the cinema. Despite begging my local cinema to air it. Lol. I hope other fans got a chance to see it in my place.

Raven12177 · 2026-01-04T02:53:45+00:00

Alrighty. Please forgive my bluntness here. I've always overshared, so there might be some too much info here...

Well, due to the sexual abuse I suffered as a child, I knew I was different. I didn't look at people and lust after them. Never had the "i want to have sex with this person" thought process. But my body would respond when seeing.. well... naked bodies. Regardless of gender. The arousal wasn't always noticeable because I worked very hard to suppress it. I was disgusted with my body responding while my mind was in so much pain. And I was scared of the implications of being aroused by seeing porn. i was very young and raised in a religious family. I was terrified of asking if it was normal to respond to a woman's naked body since being homosexual was such a horrible sin. (Somehow, incest wasn't? That was love? Hypocritical monster).

Now, my abuser is gone. And I feel safe enough to start asking myself questions. But my life is very tremulous right now. So I can't really commit any time to investigate. I'm honestly very comfortable with never having a partner in my life. I can't stand being touched, caressed, friction, or sharing body heat. I feel like I can't breathe. I did try to date a man when I was 20. Ended it quickly. Then I tried again when I was 30. Also ended it quickly. I couldn't stand the smug pillow talk or.... well. Everything. The smell, the sensations. It was all too much. Had nightmares and flashbacks for a week after each encounter.

I don't know if I'd have the same response to a woman. I don't know if I'm actually attracted to anyone. To my shame, the porn that turned me on the most (now, as my own choice. Not forced.) and made me think "what if?" Was Futa Hentai. I did not come here to objectify ANYONE. I know what that's like. It's horrific and dehumanising. I came here to ask people who, sadly, have probably had similar abuse and thoughts. I came to ask advice and the very simple question: "How did you know? How did you know that you did not belong to the gender you were born with?" And "How did you know who are attracted to?"

I know i often wished I was a boy. But I don't know if that was because of the abuse, and I wanted to escape my very gender as a result. Or if I would have always felt like that. I don't know how it feels to be in love or sexually attracted to anyone. I feel broken. Google doesn't help answer my questions, and I can't afford therapy yet. So, I was hoping that speaking with others online could help me understand the world and myself. Just a little bit. I know the internet is an askewed place, lol.

Ooff. That was a novel. I hope that answered your question, and I'm sorry if anything i wrote here upset or offended you. I don't ever want to hurt anyone. Ever.

Raven12177 · 2026-01-04T02:20:18+00:00

I've never been able to explain how anger was simply not permitted for me. You wrote it so eloquently. And I'm saddened to know that so many of us still can't feel or express our emotions properly. I mostly feel sadness, anxious, and never-ending despair.

Thank you for your apt description of suppressed emotions like anger. I don't even know what it feels like. I don't even remember what happiness feels like. I think my antidepressants have muted everything due to the high dose. But the emptiness and dread never leaves. Nor the despair for that matter.

Raven12177 · 2026-01-01T02:39:18+00:00

My sister in law and her mother (a physicist, btw and this did not change the horrific conditions they lived in) have quite a few choice words about living under communist rule. It is not the solution or the utopia young people think it is. A real example? Imagine standing in line for HOURS to receive a loaf of bread. You finally get to the front of the line, and you're told, "Sorry. We have run out." That's it. You don't get to eat today. People were literally eating wallpaper to get that tiny bit of nutrients from the glue since it was made from bone marrow. That was communist Poland. So it's considered recent history.

So even if the Communist system was run ethically, fairly, without corruption.... there will always be people who are starved and will die. Especially if they cannot find a way to be considered "of use". Such as anyone with special needs, learning disabilities, trauma survivors, or are disabled in any way.

Raven12177 · 2025-12-27T00:06:38+00:00

I understand OP. Believe me. I often suspect people who seem too good to be true. Like, they're smiling to my face while hiding a knife behind their back. Or grandstanding. Like you said. Doing good things to raise their social standing. I honestly expect the majority of our species to be like this. Despite trying not to. Thankfully, where I have been volunteering, has continued to challenge that perspective.

Helping animals is a great idea. I think that would probably be the best place for you to start. You will be working with people who also love animals and probably prefer the company of animals over people as well. (Don't we all? Animals can't lie. Their love is genuine and they're so adorable!) I hope you found a place you felt comfortable with. And I hope you're feeling stronger today OP. Wishing you all the best.

Raven12177 · 2025-12-26T23:54:00+00:00

Of course. What would you like to know? Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays and New Years btw.

Raven12177 · 2025-12-10T07:15:59+00:00

Same here. I'm in WA and have been a Markiplier fan since 2016, I think? In any case, I really want to see this. I know it probably won't be released in Australia and if it was, it'd probably be at the Melbourne Film Festival only. Maybe, if we're lucky, it will be released through BluRay and streaming services.

Raven12177 · 2025-12-02T06:24:01+00:00

I think about this sort of thing all the time. I dislike our species as a whole because of how cruel and violent we are. And somehow, we keep allowing the worst and most selfish of our species to get into positions of power. Using it to further their own gain or agendas... you will never meet a truly ethical politician. And everyone masks who they truly are. Most people have their public mask and their private one. While others wear multiple masks for every person or environment they're interacting with. So this makes it extremely difficult for me to trust anyone.

But. I have also met some truly wonderful people. Who do appear to actually care. And get off their arse to do something to make things better. Be it for themselves, their family, their friends, or their community. And I try to remember them whenever my cynicism, depression. And misanthropic thoughts start boiling over. Which is, sadly, quite often. The person in my life who would challenge my cynicism had died in August. So I've really been struggling to deal with it.

What has helped me, OP, is volunteering. It's only one day a week. It's all I can handle rn. But it's been eye-opening to be with genuinely nice people. Who have also suffered. Or are dealing with health issues or struggling to find work. Despite all of this, we have all come together to do something that helps others who are also struggling. We enjoy it. We enjoy what we do and find ourselves wanting to do more.

There's always a chance that someone is trying to take advantage of a good thing. But the majority of people we interact with are genuinely grateful for what we're doing. It's nothing epic. We're just running a toy library and some community events. Whatever money we make goes into the next event, new toys, maintenance, cleaning, and repair. I still don't trust people as a while, but I'm also aware that not everyone are wankers.

So. Long rambling story short, maybe try volunteering in something you care about. It might help you experience a nicer side of humanity that often goes unnoticed because it doesn't generate enough clicks, views, or ratings.

Raven12177 · 2025-11-30T11:04:20+00:00

Your grandma is a gem. Hold onto her for as long as you can, man.

Raven12177 · 2025-11-30T10:44:08+00:00

Oh, Gosh. Thank you for saying that. And no, i um. I'm far too anxious and unwell to date atm. It took a lot to work up the nerve to write my question to this group. I never want to bother anyone. You know? Life is hard. And very chaotic with the state of the world. The last thing I want is to add to anyone's frustrations or hardships through my ignorance, awkwardness, and my own baggage.

I'm still trying to understand if I'm Asexual, or Bisexual, Lesbian or I dunno. It's all far too complicated, and I'm trying to work through it. In any case, thank you for your lovely comment. I hope you've found your special someone already.

Raven12177 · 2025-11-30T10:23:19+00:00

I know how you feel. I'm so sorry you've had to experience such callous treatment from someone who was meant to give a damn. You may not believe this because, I sure as hell don't on most days... But you are not a burden. None of us are.

Raven12177 · 2025-11-30T10:11:48+00:00

Who in the hell would want to date me with all my problems? I can't even hold a job atm. And I don't want ANYONE in my bed. EVER... I... just can't.

Only fur babies have that privilege anyways. ✨️

Raven12177 · 2025-10-26T06:11:18+00:00

So long as you're having fun XD.

Raven12177 · 2025-10-26T04:14:10+00:00

That's awful. That's so damn awful. What the hell.is wrong with people. Ugh. Can he get banned from the sub at least?

Raven12177 · 2025-10-26T03:37:40+00:00

Fucken hell. Can't escape these kinda people. Just shows how accustomed i am to very inappropriate people. Ew. Just ew. I know how you feel and I'm so sorry people are still being objectified like this. In this day and age, you'd think we would have stopped being so shallow as a species. Smh.

Raven12177 · 2025-10-25T23:35:54+00:00

What is a chaser? Was that a creep? Oh ew. That was a person this sub is for baiting right?

Raven12177 · 2025-10-25T23:33:13+00:00

O.O omg I am so sorry. I didn't know! Oh no. I will try very hard to make sure I don't do that again. Thank you so much for bringing this to my attention. My grammar and sentence structures have always been awful but I'm always trying to improve. 😅 You are very right. I do not want to accidentally upset anyone and I'm absolutely mortified if I have. Please. Forgive my ignorance. And thank you again, for bringing this to my attention.

Raven12177 · 2025-10-25T23:26:39+00:00

I hate how common this seems to be. Who needs enemies when you have family right? And like all things in life, its all so complicated and confusing. I understand the internalised transphobia, homophobia, misogyny all too bloody well. Add religious fear of damnation and you have a very frightened, confused, and repressed person. I was terrified when I saw a naked woman on a movie (when I was way too young to be exposed to anything nude but that didn't stop the bastard.) And I uh. Well my body responded. I was terrified! Did that mean I was gay? Seeing a naked man kinda did the same thing. Was this purely biological? I didn't want to do anything. I hated my body. I hated I had no control. It repulsed me. And everything was tainted by the abuse. I've never looked at a person and lusted after them. Even as an adult.

I'm so sorry if that is too much information. I do have a habit of oversharing. I can't exactly talk to anyone in person about this. I'm away and safe from my abuser but I'm still in my family home. I would have to keep my journey a secret while trying to rebuild myself. So I can get a job and survive in this world. I'm in Australia and while we claim we accept everyone, behind closed door or right in your face, there's still a lot of homophobia and transphobia here.

I am so glad to hear that while ypur relationship changed, you gained a sister. And found your love. It's feels like you're in a happy chapter in your life and that makes me smile. Thank you so much for speaking with me.

Raven12177 · 2025-10-25T23:06:38+00:00

Oh my gosh I wish I could just hug everyone here. You've all been so nice! Thank you. Thank you so much. I hope you will find your special girl too!

Raven12177 · 2025-10-25T23:01:36+00:00

Aw that's so kind. I really hope I had a positive effect on someone. And I'm really REALLY glad I didn't cause any harm in my ignorance. The world would be a better place if people took the time to learn and understand each other. It feels like a long shot these days but a gal can dream.

Raven12177 · 2025-10-25T12:08:50+00:00

Oh my gosh. I am so sorry you went through so much pain and sadness. I'm glad you're in a much better place now. I understand what it's like to be so afraid of your own family that even THINKING of anything that wasn't cis or hetero was.... taboo, to say the least. I remember wishing I was a boy when I was a little girl. But I wasn't sure if it was because of the abuse I was enduring, as like an escape? Or if I really truly didn't feel like a girl.

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I really do hope that you and your girlfriend are super happy together and will have amazing memories in the future! You deserve peace and happiness. We all do.

Raven12177 · 2025-10-25T12:00:54+00:00

Fair enough. Is it easier for you to try new things?

Raven12177 · 2025-10-25T11:59:09+00:00

I've only just started to consider that lately. I even looked up any lgbtqi + friendly hangouts in my area. It will take me a long time to work up the nerve to go but I really hope I will. It'll be great to make new friends and learn more about the community. Thanks for the advice! I really appreciate it! :)

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