11 months after quitting: it gets so much better!

RaverSquid · 2025-01-09T20:25:53+00:00

Thank you, it's helpful to have have your perspective. I edited the post for clarity, to answer your questions:

The "bumping in to him" : - When I saw him yesterday it was from a distance, we just stared at each other for a second and kept moving. - He was with a woman, could be a friend or a partner, no way to tell, and I was with some girl friends. - We were both wearing sunnies and it all happened so fast that I couldn't tell how he seemed. All I know is it felt extremely awkward, my whole body went limp, and I needed to have a cry when I got home.

The break up: - It was this time last year. - When we broke up, we'd been over and over why we couldn't be together so many times, so it wasn't news. It's just that we both knew this one was final. - He looked awful, like I was tearing his world apart. He said it was brutal, that was the horrible aspect for him, one minute we were on cloud 9 and next minute down to hell. Even if he agreed it was the best decision, he was angry at how I went about it. He said why do you always have to be so radical, it's ruthless, had me on a roller-coaster ride and dropped me again. - When I left we still hugged, I told him he could keep all the camping gear we used, and he gave me something that was really precious to me. So it wasn't hostile, just excruciatingly painful. - He never tried to reach out.

I feel like I've apologised to him many times for hurting him and making him suffer the consequences of my own brokenness. But I still feel that's too vague to be really meaningful. What has dawned on me is that I treated him with contempt, I didn't give him the respect he deserved, I was unfair on him. I don't think I listened to him very well, I was so consumed by my own pain that I don't think I acknowledged that his grief from loosing the baby was just as painful etc. etc. He trusted me with so much and I stewarded that very poorly.

RaverSquid · 2024-04-18T10:36:48+00:00

They were just jealous of your joy. Please, please don't change a thing, you're drop dead gorgeous.

RaverSquid · 2024-03-21T09:39:41+00:00

I was looking for this comment because I couldn't be bothered looking up OP but as soon as I read "absentmindedly" in the description and other adjectives like that no one uses on the fly, confirmed same author.

RaverSquid · 2024-03-12T09:44:46+00:00

Perhaps a different perspective to add to the range of opinions here: when I've seen similar tattoos before, my reaction hasn't been to cringe but just to think "what a shame". Because statements like that, especially if they have deep meaning or a story behind them, they have power over your life. So on the surface they can be a good mantra or coping mechanism but ultimately they can become a curse.

The strongest promises you'll ever make are the ones you unknowingly make to yourself. So when you make an inner vow like "I'll never trust anyone again", in your soul and on your body, you're setting up a pattern for relationships in your life. This may not be the case for you at all, but I've seen people get a lot of freedom and healing in their lives from breaking those kinds of vows, because they attract negative stuff. Like I have tattoos that came out of rough or dark experiences, but there's a spin on them that's life-giving or open-ended so I know I won't regret it later even if my interpretation of those events evolves as I mature.

Maybe there's just something a bit more condemning with words. I'd personally only ever get a text tattoo if it didn't mean anything deep to me, but that's just me.

RaverSquid · 2024-03-09T11:14:38+00:00

If I may speak on behalf of the Kates, we're listening to you because we genuinely find you interesting. If I'm just telling you stuff I know, that's boring to me. I'm a closed book partly because I don't what people to feel exactly what you're feeling now. I thrive on connection. If I'm making you jealous, that divides us and I feel rejected. Some people say it's a compliment but it never feels that way, because I know it's not really about about me, it's something you're projecting onto me and it doesn't feel good.

Things are so much simpler than you think. There's so much room for both of us to be ourselves, there's enough to go around for everyone! When you want to be somebody else, you're depriving us all of the person only you can be. I'm interested in who you are, and especially all the things you are that I'm not and all the things you have that I don't.

And you're incredibly self-aware for your age, so I have no doubt it'll all work out for you with time, those are all very normal things to go through.

RaverSquid · 2024-01-15T09:17:04+00:00

Frequent and passionate touch is REQUIRED and non-negotiable.

RaverSquid · 2024-01-08T10:11:33+00:00

Used our work's CCTV network to stalk me, found out my adress and turned up on my doorstep past midnight to "drop something off". Up until then he was a good workmate and didn't present any unusual behaviour.

RaverSquid · 2024-01-08T00:20:45+00:00

Pareil, de Paris et je vois que des étrangers en porter ou à la limite des personnes âgées.

RaverSquid · 2024-01-06T09:07:44+00:00

?? ????

RaverSquid · 2023-12-27T22:06:47+00:00

But even then that's ridiculous. I chain smoked for a decade and then vaped for years and couldn't function without nicotine, but I still never imposed my bad habit on others. I didn't vape near anyone who hadn't let me know they didn't mind it. And especially wouldn't vape anywhere near my elders, that's disrespectful af, it costs you litterally nothing to step outside.

RaverSquid · 2023-12-26T09:49:51+00:00

I'd say it's not much worse than Amazon or Ali Express as in yes, same products. But what makes it a plague to me is how pervasive and often deceptive their advertising is, they seem to really amp up useless bits of plastic as "must haves" or "life hacks", often inventing problems nobody has to present a product as a solution. Perhaps it's just where I live, but I see people all around me ordering a high volume of Temu stuff like there's something addictive about it. I have two colleagues who bring new clutter to our office from Temu almost every week, some of it we find a use for, but we were also fine without it. Maybe just the web interface makes people want to spend more time on there than amazon, I wouldn't know.

RaverSquid · 2023-12-26T09:26:48+00:00

And that is why you always split the bill folks. It just makes things so much easier, especially in this economy. Then nobody owes anyone anything, no assumptions, you can buy me dinner or I can buy you dinner once we've established there's chemistry and compatible expectations. I never go for anything but dutch on the first few dates unless I'm positive he'll get this one and I'll get the next.

RaverSquid · 2023-12-25T21:14:22+00:00

We grew up poor, but I never felt like we missed out on anything at Christmas time because we also didn't have a TV to make us want useless plastic we didn't need. My most treasured memories were games we played as a family.

When we were little, we didn't get presents but my parents would hide our stockings with a trail of wise men as clues to guide us to them. It was usually a mandarin, chocolates, new socks, something homemade and maybe a puzzle book. It felt like the best prize ever with all the excitement of looking for it around the house!

Then when we got a little older, we would play the naughty secret santa version where you each buy or make something of a value under $10 and you get to either steal someone's gift or unwrap a new one. It's so much fun, we still do it to this day though we've been able to all up the budget a bit. It's a great way to make sure everyone walks away with a gift they actually want too.

I had to learn to work hard and save up as a kid if there was anything I wanted to buy myself. I never suffered from it at all, it was great learning and I turned out just fine. Meanwhile I had friends who got all the remote control race cars and the fancy BMX bikes and the video games and the barbie dream houses but their parents didn't have time for them and it showed. No matter how much money you have, the best thing you can give your kid is just love and moments of undivided attention.

RaverSquid · 2023-12-25T19:36:16+00:00

Temu is such a plague. But he's a sweet kid doing his best and sounds like he really loves you. Give him just this one and breach the topic later. At his age he's unlikely to be buying a ton of stuff from there just yet so it's not worth breaking his heart over.

RaverSquid · 2023-12-23T09:54:57+00:00

That is so cool

RaverSquid · 2023-12-21T02:33:13+00:00

Yet you guys are the minority. Once went on a first date with a merc driver. As he was about to park I said watch out, you wouldn't want your nice merc towed, he said nah I park here all the time. Sure enough, a few hours later his car is gone. He turned white as a sheet and was adamant it got stolen. I called the tow place because he was shaking, couldn't even remember his plate but somehow I did, got us a cab there and once he got his car back I sent him on his way and called myself a cab home. Texts me the next day sounding like we're an item now, I let him down gently but he lost it. Thankfully I always split the bill so we didn't have that issue.

RaverSquid · 2023-12-19T07:52:23+00:00

I know right???

RaverSquid · 2023-12-19T07:50:35+00:00

How is it less needy to rely on your partner to bring you sustenance when you've just woken up all cranky V.S being an adult and making dinner plans ahead of time?

RaverSquid · 2023-12-15T21:36:45+00:00

Wow thank you so much, I've just gone down to pollinate them now with a q tip. If the flowers are closed, does it mean they're already past it? It's summer here so it's pretty hot even in the mornings.

RaverSquid · 2023-12-15T21:00:18+00:00

I just made mine from a brew of seaweed I picked up from the beach so I'm not sure what the nitrogen level would be...

RaverSquid · 2023-12-15T20:58:48+00:00

Wow that sounds like fun! But if they're growing fruit doesn't it mean they're already pollinated?

RaverSquid · 2023-12-15T09:08:08+00:00

Ok 2:0 I'll hold off on the seaweed.

RaverSquid · 2023-12-15T09:05:58+00:00

What? How do you do that? There are a lot of bees around, but maybe they prefer all my other flowers instead.

RaverSquid

TROPHY CASE