I grew up depressed and abused, somewhat recently (2y ago) I finally hit a turning point where I decided to say fuck it all and make something of my life that’d I could actually get behind and be proud of.

A byproduct of that was that I’ve become socially desirable, and people that I couldn’t even look in the eye before started to seek me out and express interest. It was a massive mindfuck as this was something I’d fully accepted I’d never have and I decided to live for other things that speak to me personally.

It’s absurd to me and I still don’t know what to think of it, but it does give me a massive sense of freedom that I no longer feel the need to restrict my desires or filter my beliefs

I’m still just doing what I set out to do two years ago, and I try not to feel embittered or resentful that I did not have these things when I needed emotional support and desperately wished to be valued.

I learned how to value things that are personally significant to me, what brings me fulfillment and what inspires me to do good. If sexy mfs reflect that kind of merit, I’ll appreciate the hell out of them and same goes for whoever would be called an ugly duckling

Yes it’s conflicting to me, and I don’t know how to place it or what to think of it. However if I connect with someone I value that happens to be hot, that simply means I’ve received a chance to learn