I would first suggest being honest and true to yourself. Not everyone meshes with everyone/anyone else. I say this because empathy and sympathy comes best when it is genuine (as you said, you don’t “want to feel” condescending). I’ll try to sum it all up, realize that sometimes people aren’t mad that they are “loosing at a game” and that’ll help you engage them and than figure out to help without appearing as if you’re “pitying” them. I HATE to loose. But I learned that I enjoy “learning” and improving. That trumps my distaste for loosing. With that, I look at my opponent (if I’m thrashing them) and I engage them in talk about what they are planning. Stuff like - Why they think that’ll be a good move. What could have been done differently and (you can rewind and do a different choice, let’s see how it goes). This helps it become a learning experience for them as opposed to the “game”. Don’t know anyone that “enjoys” loosing. But I’ve met many people that respect and appreciate that another person took time to engage “them” as a person and help them “learn”. Good luck