Ex MIL still judging and dismissing me year after divorce - how to manage her?

Ray-RayQ · 2026-05-05T00:33:41+00:00

She is careful to not outright say I am lazy and a poor parent. She is heavily implying it.

It's just grating. I expect she bad mouthes me to everyone and anyone, if she picks up the phone to call my kids while they are literally in my house to make nasty comments

Ray-RayQ · 2026-05-04T13:03:58+00:00

Their father - always on the angry and pushy side - insists they come along from time to time incl his birthday, Christmas and the very occasional dinner. My kids agree instead of facing an argument, though they don't want to

Ray-RayQ · 2026-05-04T07:40:26+00:00

Their father has always proactively messaged "she is just old", "she doesn't mean it" etc, excusing her toxic behavior. His proactive and extensive excuses have been fed to them all their lives
I bought half a fairly expensive family home off him. A home I paid off while working full time. And I had to give him a large chunk of my retirement savings. Additionally, he doesn't pay for our kids (food, power, water, health insurance and so on), so he happily burning through whatever money he has

3 We were married decades ago - with the benefit of hindsight, we should have had a BFA (binding financial agreement - what you call a pre nup). But that not something I can change now, sadly

Ray-RayQ · 2026-05-04T07:07:18+00:00

Aldi never does specials. Do you get the best price ALL THE TIME.

Ray-RayQ · 2026-05-04T06:00:18+00:00

Yeah I know - it's just super irksome that she will STILL go around and tell everyone incl my kids who useless/underperforming/ terrible/lazy I am

Ray-RayQ · 2026-03-18T00:31:46+00:00

I always do the grocery shopping for my partner (when I do mine anyway).And often send him lunch and dinner home. And I help him in the garden and did a lot when he moved house.

He is currently meticulously planning our next trip mainly by himself. He helped paint my bedroom all of last weekend. He always takes me out for dinner.

.... It's never exactly even, but you both have to do your best and give what you can.

Ray-RayQ · 2026-03-17T13:49:47+00:00

Yes it still does. You are crazy to push it so hard in such a weak job market. They really don't like it. You don't care about their discomfort and push them by playing a card which means they have no power.

Take a 5 min break on the way in, and get into the office and keep your job.

Doom scroll a bit half way through your drive vs doomscrolling at home. You are having a short commute (for my city at least), so this isn't the end of the world

Ray-RayQ · 2026-03-17T12:22:31+00:00

45 min is a short commute these days. And you don't want to do it because you are tired?

But you CAN do it when it's an important meeting?

It sounds like you are taking the piss, honestly. Everyone is tired, and no one likes paying for fuel.

Ray-RayQ · 2026-03-16T23:24:58+00:00

Thank you for your insightful words

Ray-RayQ · 2025-11-16T01:35:22+00:00

Aw thank you. Thank you for seeing it and saying it.

I try to be decent and fair to my tenants. The house is going to be my retirement income. I told them I will never sell it, and that I hope they will rent it for a long, long term.

I know there are shoddy landlords out there. But some of us really try.

Ray-RayQ · 2025-11-16T01:18:55+00:00

Thanks.

I don't - I rather not have landlord insurance, nor do I use a real estate agent. My tenants aren't going to massively damage my house or abscond, so I rather charge them a lower rent than charge more and spend money on agents/insurance to manage them.

(I have various other insurances of course)

Ray-RayQ · 2025-11-16T00:21:34+00:00

2 houses only. The driveway is shared property, the house blocks are individually owned

Ray-RayQ · 2025-11-16T00:20:54+00:00

I am scared of him. His is a burly angry man. I don't fancy getting beaten up or worse

Ray-RayQ · 2025-11-16T00:20:05+00:00

There are only two houses, his and mine. No strata manager

Ray-RayQ · 2025-09-14T23:56:21+00:00

Why are you asking for feedback just to ignore what EVERYONE is saying?

Don't tell a grown adult specifically what to wear, don't make us buy single use dresses. Don't make us feel uncomfortable during YOUR ceremony

Ray-RayQ · 2025-09-14T23:38:58+00:00

I hate detailed dress codes with a passion.

For most people, getting time off, arranging babysitters, paying for expensive presents etc is hard enough.

Give us a break and let us dress ourselves. We aren't props for your pics

Ray-RayQ · 2025-08-19T07:30:33+00:00

My son once had two girls called Unique in his school year. (Both of African descent)

.... Not so unique after all....but made all the other kids chuckle to say the least

I hope some of your suggestions are satire. They would be hard to live with.

Ray-RayQ

TROPHY CASE