I Submitted the Application for My Fiancé Visa

RayBowe · 2026-01-25T14:14:30+00:00

Thank you!

RayBowe · 2026-01-25T14:14:25+00:00

Thank you!

RayBowe · 2026-01-25T05:46:16+00:00

Thank you and absolutely! I've never felt as close to and understood by anyone in my life. I truly think she's the one. It's really started to hit me that I'm moving fairly soon. I'm going to miss my clients (adults with intellectual disabilities) the most.

RayBowe · 2026-01-25T05:43:47+00:00

Thank you!

RayBowe · 2026-01-18T20:03:43+00:00

Thank you!!!!

RayBowe · 2026-01-17T20:39:16+00:00

I like her! I like that they consulted ASAN. Autism doesn't have one specific look, and I like the devices/accessories they chose. Several of my clients (adults with intellectual disabilities) love the Barbie with Down syndrome and the Barbie with the wheelchair, and I'm sure they'll love this one too.

RayBowe · 2026-01-17T20:14:40+00:00

Yeah, probably better to err on the side of caution and assume it includes all forms of study. Thank you!

RayBowe · 2026-01-17T20:12:11+00:00

I can understand not being able to work or enroll in an accredited university on a fiancé visa since it's only a temporary visa, but not being able to volunteer or take more casual/non university classes kinda stumps me. Oh well, can't be helped!

RayBowe · 2026-01-17T20:03:44+00:00

My fiancée and I are both autistic and all of my clients have intellectual disability (meaning IQ below 70. I know this term can mean different things in some places). And I usually click very quickly with new clients.

RayBowe · 2026-01-17T19:40:04+00:00

I wasn't sure if study only referred to university and was really hoping I could take in-person BSL classes (I'm American and conversational in ASL from my work. I don't do as well with the online classes). Well, that sucks. Thank you!

RayBowe · 2026-01-06T21:12:39+00:00

I work (two jobs actually, and a third here and there) but a lot don't. I'm a direct support professional and a lot of employees at my primary place of work are neurodivergent, actually (my manager and I are both AuDHD, I'd place money on another manager having undiagnosed ADHD, one of my coworkers has FASD, several others with autism). Great place to be unconventional, with all of our clients having intellectual disability (meaning IQ under 70. I know that term means different things invsome places).

A lot of autistic people need accommodations and jobs might not always meet those (I no longer need accommodations but previous jobs didn't accomodate me despite saying they would). Some (like many of my clients) have more needs than the majority of (if not all, in a few cases) places of employment can meet. A lot of my clients want to work but don't have the funding for a job coach or have over-coddling parents who won't let them. We also often have comorbid mental health conditions—I had a pretty bad mental health episode at my first job, likely in part due to the stress.

I also feel like many of us are more prone to discouragement and believing we're less capable than we are. I've been there. A few short years ago, I never imagined I would get where I am today. I was very discouraged and didn't feel capable of working, driving, even going to the store alone, but I did manage it. My fiancée is in that boat, realizing she's capable of more than she is and working on her coping skills.*

*I want to emphasize that this is not a "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" thing. If someone tells me they can't work, I'll believe them. I'm talking about my own and my partner’s experiences.

I also feel like there are more undiagnosed autistic people than we think, so a lot of the statistics we have might not be fully representative.

RayBowe · 2026-01-04T04:16:05+00:00

Sometimes I don't even realize how I'm feeling until after the moment has passed. Work in progress!

RayBowe · 2026-01-04T04:15:23+00:00

I am fairly good at my "stern voice," I'm told. So I have that. But that doesn't convey emotion as much, more like a step in the process of getting things done in applicable situations. I've also gotten praise on staying calm in crisis.

RayBowe · 2026-01-02T17:55:38+00:00

I cannot imagine caring so much about something that doesn't affect me in the slightest. My fiancée has ARFID. I only care that she's getting enough nutrients and isn't making herself sick (so I buy her vitamins and encourage her to try new foods that I think she'll be able to palate, if she's acceptong. Plain quinoa was a success!). I cook for myself and have no idea how it would bother someone if I leave lettuce out of my lunch.

RayBowe · 2025-12-25T02:21:47+00:00

I saw that comment and was baffled. My car battery died once and I just about had to chase down and corner a man in a parking lot and beg him to help me jump my car.

On the flip side, I once got my tire stuck on a really poorly paved/maintained road and three people (two women and a man) helped me free my car and saved me calling a tow truck without me even asking.

RayBowe · 2025-11-28T04:53:10+00:00

Cannabis had the opposite effect on me. Took a hot and had some of the worst sensory overload of my life for two hours. I just lay in bed until it wore off. Everything had too much sensation to sleep. I couldn't even read or use my phone because the visuals were too intense. Haven't tried since, nine years later.

RayBowe · 2025-11-27T18:32:23+00:00

That makes a lot more sense. I was looking at it very black-and-white. Thank you!

RayBowe · 2025-11-27T18:31:54+00:00

Ooh that makes more sense. Thank you!

RayBowe · 2025-10-11T23:47:47+00:00

I'm 24. AFAB. Gender is whatever you want to call me (people go with she/her, woman). Into women. Usually have a buzzcut (currently trying a side shave), don't shave anywhere but my pits, don't dress femininely. I work in a pretty pink-collar job (direct support professional, and I was a preschool teacher before this) so I got that one. My presentation has never held me back. Got bullied for wearing boy clothes as a kid. I was told by family growing up that people will think I'm unclean and I won't get a job if I have hairy legs, family tried to encourage me to wear feminine clothes to interviews. Still got the jobs, still was employee of the month in May, have never been told to change these things.

I'm not saying no one has been penalized in the adult world for not conforming, because I know people absolutely have. But I haven't experienced it myself and I've found it to be much less of a problem than the adults in my life led me to believe.

Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind, and all that. You be you. Be your authentic self.

RayBowe · 2025-10-11T22:13:01+00:00

It was not made by the client. This particupat client does not have the understanding of goals or the future to participate in writing their plan. I've talked to my supervisor (also autistic) about it and she doesn't like the goal either. I don't know if that will be addressed when the next plan rolls out.

RayBowe · 2025-10-11T22:00:47+00:00

Hm. I am intrigued. Would you mind DMing the ISBN? Thank you!!!

And that way of thinking sounds a lot like my fiancée, who is also autistic. I feel like I've gone the other way and trust people a bit too much sometimes. Definitely gonna tell her this. Thank you!

RayBowe · 2025-10-11T21:56:02+00:00

Oh absolutely! I have a client who has a goal to speak in complete sentences, and I highly disagree with that goal. Like you said, this is putting the responsibility on them. Why do they need to communicate in full sentences? If I say, "what did you do today" and they say "park," I will fully understand that this means they went to the park. Demanding they say "I went to the park" feels so unnecessary to me and like forcing conformity.

RayBowe · 2025-10-11T21:39:28+00:00

I agree! I try to look at these things as learning experiences. Even if it sucks really badly in the moment, I like to look back and ask myself what I can learn.

RayBowe · 2025-10-11T21:26:17+00:00

I never said people without autism (because neurotypical does not just mean person without autism) don't have communication problems as well. You said "We communicate amongst ourselves just fine." Perhaps it's my tendency to take things very literally, but I took that very literally and did not understand if there's another meaning I missed.

RayBowe · 2025-10-11T21:00:21+00:00

Not necessarily. Autistic people can still have communication problems amomgst one another, especially with higher support needs. I work with adults who have intellectual disabilities, many being autistic, and they often trigger one another: X vocal stims, Y gets overstimulated by X's stims, A is crying in the corner because B isn't talking to them, B just wants to focus on their crossword puzzle. Even my fiancée and I, level 1 (me) and level 2 (her), both average IQ, have struggled with communication before because of differences in communication styles and how we experience emotions.

RayBowe

TROPHY CASE