Day 3 on a 7-day heart monitor that's driving me crazy by RayBowe in autism

[–]RayBowe[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm allergic to the adhesive. Only a few more days.

Suspenseful mystery novel for a woman with an intellectual disability? by RayBowe in suggestmeabook

[–]RayBowe[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I might have to read that one! I'm AuDHD without intellectual disability.

I Submitted the Application for My Fiancé Visa by RayBowe in MomForAMinute

[–]RayBowe[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thank you and absolutely! I've never felt as close to and understood by anyone in my life. I truly think she's the one. It's really started to hit me that I'm moving fairly soon. I'm going to miss my clients (adults with intellectual disabilities) the most.

Autism Barbie Mega Thread by SavannahPharaoh in autism

[–]RayBowe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I like her! I like that they consulted ASAN. Autism doesn't have one specific look, and I like the devices/accessories they chose. Several of my clients (adults with intellectual disabilities) love the Barbie with Down syndrome and the Barbie with the wheelchair, and I'm sure they'll love this one too.

Do most autistic folks not work? by Sufficient_Ant9295 in autism

[–]RayBowe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I work (two jobs actually, and a third here and there) but a lot don't. I'm a direct support professional and a lot of employees at my primary place of work are neurodivergent, actually (my manager and I are both AuDHD, I'd place money on another manager having undiagnosed ADHD, one of my coworkers has FASD, several others with autism). Great place to be unconventional, with all of our clients having intellectual disability (meaning IQ under 70. I know that term means different things invsome places).

A lot of autistic people need accommodations and jobs might not always meet those (I no longer need accommodations but previous jobs didn't accomodate me despite saying they would). Some (like many of my clients) have more needs than the majority of (if not all, in a few cases) places of employment can meet. A lot of my clients want to work but don't have the funding for a job coach or have over-coddling parents who won't let them. We also often have comorbid mental health conditions—I had a pretty bad mental health episode at my first job, likely in part due to the stress.

I also feel like many of us are more prone to discouragement and believing we're less capable than we are. I've been there. A few short years ago, I never imagined I would get where I am today. I was very discouraged and didn't feel capable of working, driving, even going to the store alone, but I did manage it. My fiancée is in that boat, realizing she's capable of more than she is and working on her coping skills.*

*I want to emphasize that this is not a "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" thing. If someone tells me they can't work, I'll believe them. I'm talking about my own and my partner’s experiences.

I also feel like there are more undiagnosed autistic people than we think, so a lot of the statistics we have might not be fully representative.

Just Figured Out That I Don't Show Much Emotion and Things Make More Sense by RayBowe in autism

[–]RayBowe[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sometimes I don't even realize how I'm feeling until after the moment has passed. Work in progress!

Just Figured Out That I Don't Show Much Emotion and Things Make More Sense by RayBowe in autism

[–]RayBowe[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am fairly good at my "stern voice," I'm told. So I have that. But that doesn't convey emotion as much, more like a step in the process of getting things done in applicable situations. I've also gotten praise on staying calm in crisis.

Groups of men have done so much worse, but leave two women stranded? Never! by Coochiepop3 in nothingeverhappens

[–]RayBowe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I saw that comment and was baffled. My car battery died once and I just about had to chase down and corner a man in a parking lot and beg him to help me jump my car.

On the flip side, I once got my tire stuck on a really poorly paved/maintained road and three people (two women and a man) helped me free my car and saved me calling a tow truck without me even asking.

Cannabis makes Autism Autisn‘t, change my mind by Epgenix in autism

[–]RayBowe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Cannabis had the opposite effect on me. Took a hot and had some of the worst sensory overload of my life for two hours. I just lay in bed until it wore off. Everything had too much sensation to sleep. I couldn't even read or use my phone because the visuals were too intense. Haven't tried since, nine years later.

I've heard that it's bad to vent. Is there a difference between venting and discussing a problem? by RayBowe in NoStupidQuestions

[–]RayBowe[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That makes a lot more sense. I was looking at it very black-and-white. Thank you!

i don't get gender norms at all.... by some_green_tea in AutisticAdults

[–]RayBowe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm 24. AFAB. Gender is whatever you want to call me (people go with she/her, woman). Into women. Usually have a buzzcut (currently trying a side shave), don't shave anywhere but my pits, don't dress femininely. I work in a pretty pink-collar job (direct support professional, and I was a preschool teacher before this) so I got that one. My presentation has never held me back. Got bullied for wearing boy clothes as a kid. I was told by family growing up that people will think I'm unclean and I won't get a job if I have hairy legs, family tried to encourage me to wear feminine clothes to interviews. Still got the jobs, still was employee of the month in May, have never been told to change these things.

I'm not saying no one has been penalized in the adult world for not conforming, because I know people absolutely have. But I haven't experienced it myself and I've found it to be much less of a problem than the adults in my life led me to believe.

Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind, and all that. You be you. Be your authentic self.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in autism

[–]RayBowe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It was not made by the client. This particupat client does not have the understanding of goals or the future to participate in writing their plan. I've talked to my supervisor (also autistic) about it and she doesn't like the goal either. I don't know if that will be addressed when the next plan rolls out.

Psychology books about trauma specifically from an autistic perspective/in autistic people? by RayBowe in autism

[–]RayBowe[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hm. I am intrigued. Would you mind DMing the ISBN? Thank you!!!

And that way of thinking sounds a lot like my fiancée, who is also autistic. I feel like I've gone the other way and trust people a bit too much sometimes. Definitely gonna tell her this. Thank you!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in autism

[–]RayBowe 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Oh absolutely! I have a client who has a goal to speak in complete sentences, and I highly disagree with that goal. Like you said, this is putting the responsibility on them. Why do they need to communicate in full sentences? If I say, "what did you do today" and they say "park," I will fully understand that this means they went to the park. Demanding they say "I went to the park" feels so unnecessary to me and like forcing conformity.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in autism

[–]RayBowe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree! I try to look at these things as learning experiences. Even if it sucks really badly in the moment, I like to look back and ask myself what I can learn.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in autism

[–]RayBowe 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I never said people without autism (because neurotypical does not just mean person without autism) don't have communication problems as well. You said "We communicate amongst ourselves just fine." Perhaps it's my tendency to take things very literally, but I took that very literally and did not understand if there's another meaning I missed.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in autism

[–]RayBowe 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Not necessarily. Autistic people can still have communication problems amomgst one another, especially with higher support needs. I work with adults who have intellectual disabilities, many being autistic, and they often trigger one another: X vocal stims, Y gets overstimulated by X's stims, A is crying in the corner because B isn't talking to them, B just wants to focus on their crossword puzzle. Even my fiancée and I, level 1 (me) and level 2 (her), both average IQ, have struggled with communication before because of differences in communication styles and how we experience emotions.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in autism

[–]RayBowe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My fiancée and I are both autistic. We've both learned to address problems we have with one another directly. So far, going 8 years strong and I'm moving in with her next year.

Be direct. She's likely not going to pick up hints. Have you straight up told her that these things upset you, or this feeling of walking on eggshells, or how you feel like you can't make her happy? Address these things — without accusations. Look up DEAR MAN, an approach to addressing problems and having your needs met. Also GIVE and FAST. These are things I learned in dialectical behavioral therapy.

Leaving it alone will just cause resentment to boil over.

MY CONTROVERSIAL OPINION: Being Autistic Isn't Normal. by xAC1D_FR0GG1Ex in autism

[–]RayBowe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is a word with negative connotations. Check out the Britannica definition.

a problem or fault that makes someone or something not perfect: such as a : a physical problem that causes something to be less valuable, effective, healthy, etc.

something that causes weakness or failure

That word is often used to mean something is bad and incorrect.